Wish I could run away or not wake up

[Iwanttorunawaynow]

name changed for this .... I've literally had enough of everything and dream of just walking away and keeping going.

Life's been too.hard for far too long and it's just gonna keep getting worse (not negative thinking but true) I've got no.money, a seriously ill partner whose getting worse, no friends, no family and a job I hate but had to swap too so I could look after partner. I've got no self confidence and kinda hate myself too.

I have just had enough and go to bed each night hoping i don't wake up.

History of depression and self harm, but not had bad episode for yea rs.

So sorry to hear you feel like this.
I totally understand I have had times in my life I have felt exactly the same.
Is there some medical support you can access? Speaking to your GP and seeing what is available.
Please don't give up you are facing really horrible situations right now and it must be so hard.
Nothing is permanent though and although you can't see it right now but it will change.
Is there a support group for families who are facing what you are going through with your partners illness?
You must start to imagine the life you dream of and start making baby steps to make it happen

Sorry to read you are feeling this way.

Can you book a telephone consultation with your GP in the morning? They can offer you support through talking therapies, medications, support groups etc..

It’s sounds like you have a lot going on right now. It will help to talk to someone.

Are you able to get out daily for walks? Just having a breather and a little time to yourself.

Please don’t try and deal with this on your own.

Take care.

Thank you both for taking the time to reply.

During the day time I'm not too bad and just kind of get on with things - wake up, assist partner, work for couple of hours, cook and clean bit of tv and repeat every day...but at night time everything seems so bleak and hopeless and I crying myself to sleep most nights as just can't figure out a way to make this better.

I'm under the local mental health team and have been for years. I've spoken to a psychiatrist there but they are only doing phone appointments and I don't find it easy to open up to a stranger on the phone plus don't necessarily want to risk partner overheating part of the call and him thinking I'm blaming him... so haven't told them how bad I'm feeling.

I don't find it easy to open up to a stranger on the phone plus don't necessarily want to risk partner overheating part of the call and him thinking I'm blaming him... so haven't told them how bad I'm feeling.

Ask for an email address? That way you could write everything down, they could read it and then phone to discuss. I've got my psychiatrist's NHS email so some certainly hand them out. Alternatively they should be able to call a mobile, is there somewhere near by that is quiet?

I feel very similarly at the moment, I think the general situation is bad enough even for people without a history of mental health issues/ongoing issues in their personal lives to be struggling.

Medication to help you sleep might be an option worth pursuing for the short term. A good night's sleep is so important for everything.