dd's friend is hurting herselp-advice needed please

[jamiesmom]

Hi my dd (15) told me last night 1 of her friends is cutting herself and wednesday night she got a pair of scisors and cut all the inside of her leg open. I've got a meeting at the school at 11am this morning with my ds and i'm going to mention it to the teachers but here's my problem i don't want the girl to no it's come from my dd as i think she has a lot of problems as it is without thinking her my daughter has told on her (which she has out of concern for her), so how do i go about telling the teacher? The school is aware she harms herself as she has done it in the past at school but her mom is not aware of the problem. Any advice grately appreciated.

I've only just seen this so it might be too late to help, but the school will treat any information you give them as confidential and so the girl shouldn't know that it's your child who has mentioned it. Please do tell them as it's important that she receives the support she needs. What a shame that her mum doesn't know! How sad that she can't turn to the one person who really ought to know.

Oh no. I missed this too. I hope it all goes well. I'm sure the teachers would make sure that your information was kept strictly anonymous and confidential.

Jamiesmom - did you speak to them? Is there anything they can do to help?

there's another thread on this in Chat, with the same title, where jamiesmom posted after her visit to the school

Thanks MTS, I'm quite worried about this girl. I hope she's ok.

ooops sorry got it wrong jamiesmom posted again, but maybe is doing to discuss it with the school this afternoon?

hi jamiesmom, how did it go at the school?

sorry i didn't get back on earlyer, i spoke to the school and my dd's other friend had already told a teacher about the girl cutting her leg and they have ben giving her the support she is in need of, i was told the reason why she is doing this it's because she is leaving school in may 2005 and won't have anyone to turn to as mom dosn't want to no, school have been in touch with mom before and she started shouting abuse at them and then made daughters life hell by all accounts. school has even got in touch with social services and asked for help but as she has 'just' turned 16 they won't help her, which really anoyed me!!! what worries me is when she leaves school their will be no support for her at all as her mom does some pretty awfull things to her (only realised which friend she is after something the teacher said), at least while still at scchool she has her friends and teachers to talk to. i am so glad my dd's & ds's can come to me if they need too, i'd hate to think my kids would rather cut themselfs up than come and talk to me.
thanks for all your reply's

Wow - have changed name here for reasons of privacy, but this is fairly close to home for me as one of my siblings has been through this self-harm thing. This girl seriously needs help and support to get through this time in her life. My sibling still bears the scars and can no longer wear tee-shirts because of them as she doesn't want people asking how she got them!
My mother was kept in the dark about the self-harming for a long time, but that was just one of the symptoms of very serious depression during the adolescent years. A long stay in a psychiatric unit was necessary in the end to try to treat the symptoms and the cause. I'm garbling, I realize, but I just need to be careful how I word this.
Does this girl have anyone she can talk to for support? Another relation or adult person she could trust to get her the help she needs.
The one thing about self-harm is that it seems to be a kind of 'release' of pressures and stresses, rather than an attempt to do anything more sinister IYSWIM. But it is a symptom of depression and she needs help. Wish I knew what to suggest really - just couldn't ignore this thread - brought a lot of painful memories back for me regarding our family's experience of one family member's illness.

undderdifferentnameforthis - sorry it's bought back bad memorys for you, the girl only has teachers at school and her friends to talk to really. i know how your sibling feels about people asking what the scars are from as i used to cut my arms when younger, basically i just lie if asked how i got them and say i fell on a pile of glass but it's still hard even now 17 years on. i'm at a loss as what to say to her or get dd to say as i'm not trained for this but will let her no we are her for her. thanks

Don't worry - said sibling is doing ok for the time being - a few years have gone by since thos dreadful days - we just look out for any worrying signs now so help can be sought if necessary......at least if you let her know you're there for her, it gives her another option! Just knowing someone cares, is helpful. Think I blew my cover on another thread though! Not used to name change. Doesn't matter too much, but sibling has met another mner!

glad sibling is ok now, at least you know what to look out for and they no you are there if needed

True! Am just glad sibling is well recovered for now - have changed name back as mn friend won't say anything and changing between nicknames is way too complicated for me!

i wouldn't even know where to start to change names