Terminated my pregnancy due to ante natal depression and now I dont know what to do

[EliseRainier]

I had a medical termination this week at almost 9 weeks pregnant.

Looking back I was depressed before I got pregnant and have been for some years but for some reason as soon as I got the positive test I spiralled so far downwards that I felt termination was my only option just to make the pain stop. I look back on the last month and it was honestly the most terrifying, desperate time of my life and I just cant make any sense of it. I dont understand what happened to me and I dont understand how I can ever move on from it. I dont think I deserve to ever be happy again, even if I'm mentally able to get there. I feel like a monster and yet I feel traumatised at the same time.

Has anybody been through the same and is it possible to recover? I've been prescribed sertraline which I've been taking since last week and its making me an anxious, restless mess and now I cant even sleep. I just feel so fucked.

Hello. I had one at 10 weeks 12 years ago now. You had your reasons. I can talk it through with you more if you'd like.

A womens heart is a box of secrets and everyone women has a baby story..... I heard that quote once and always remembered it.

You are not a monster . women have had abortions forever. It's a sad event. But one that the women makes based on many different factors.

In my case I was 18 and had no support. I was working but my family wouldn't speak to me about it. It broke my heart. I had morning sickness and low blood pressure. I laid in bed for a month struggling and nobody was particularly there for me. I was suffering alone in my head. If people had been kinder I would have kept the baby. They made me miserable.

I'm so sorry you are going through this... How are you today?