Actively suicidal. I have a little girl

[User384747]

Please help me I am so scared and don’t know what to do. I feel like my family and dp are starting to tire of me and I am terrified. I have been fantasising about ending my life all day. My dd has tried to play with me and I can’t even do that. Just feel nothing.

[User384747]

I’m so glad you were able to get though it @ShesMadeATwatOfMePam. With twins as well! Must have required some real strength.

I’m not sure if this counselling is making me feel better. I have an assessment for trauma counselling next week so I am hoping that will help. I will be sure to look after myself this afternoon

[ShesMadeATwatOfMePam]

Thank you. i have had counselling, CBT and am now having EMDR as well which is finally helping to start shifting the trauma a little bit and I feel like i am finally starting to recover. I am finding more joy in the little moments in life than i was. The last line of your first post regarding feeling just nothing rang very true. I think that stage was my brain trying to protect me because everything was so overwhelming that i couldn't cope with any emotions. I still have very bad days but they are far fewer. You need to find what works for you - it is trial and error.

[User384747]

@ShesMadeATwatOfMePam so great to hear positive stories. It can feel so lonely when you don’t know anyone else going through it. Fingers crossed for next week. My current counsellor is through my union, she is really lovely but unable to delve too deep as we only get 6 sessions.

[User384747]

@ShesMadeATwatOfMePam just seen your tip about watching her play. That’s a great idea thank you

[ShesMadeATwatOfMePam]

You're welcome!

[PolloDePrimavera]

OP how are you feeling today?

[User384747]

@PolloDePrimavera thank you for asking. Definitely better than yesterday as I have had no suicidal thoughts and I’ve been out the house. I am really trying to go easier on myself. And keeping in mind constantly that my daughter would not be better without me

[User384747]

Thank you for everyone that took the time to comfort me. You really made me feel less alone when I needed it most

[jackstini]

Glad you are feeling better about things today
It will be a rollercoaster some days but you've got this

[LemonFanta123]

You are never alone OP, your little girl needs you more than you’ll ever know ❤️

[ButteryPuffin]

Good stuff OP. Go really easy on yourself. This is so hard to cope with but you're absolutely right, your daughter would not be better without you so hang in there.

[IncrediblySadToo]

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better today 🌷

Definitely remember that no matter what you think of your own parenting at times, YOU are your daughters only Mummy and you are her world.

There are a lot of posters on MN whose parent left them or took their own lives and (except for a few who were seriously abusive) none of them think their patent did the right thing.

She needs her mummy. That's YOU, not any other living soul - YOU. You have this amazing little girl who thinks the world of you !

[PolloDePrimavera]

[quote User384747]@PolloDePrimavera thank you for asking. Definitely better than yesterday as I have had no suicidal thoughts and I’ve been out the house. I am really trying to go easier on myself. And keeping in mind constantly that my daughter would not be better without me[/quote]
Brilliant! There will be bad days, that's a certainty but they will pass. And you're absolutely right about your little girl. As another PP said, you're doing so well in just asking for help. I'm not an expert at all, but that surely means that deep down you want to stay here?

[ShesMadeATwatOfMePam]

So glad you've had a better day today op :) hope you've had some lovely cuddles with your beautiful girl.

[Chocolateoo]

Wanting to send you a hug. I'm going through some weird stuff myself right now. I've got children and my head's a mess. I've sent a form off for someone to call me.

Ended up with horrible anxiety! Triggered by lockdown. Physical symptoms have been making it so hard to function.

I realised when I took my kids out last week I wasn't getting any joy out of being out. I felt sad and like I was watching everyone else be happy whilst I was an anxious mess.

Please carry on talking. I also feel guilty about family being fed up of me. But you feel how you feel my lovely! You just need to talk to people on here and keep asking for help.

X

[PolloDePrimavera]

How are you doing? There's a lovely thread on here about a Night Shift, where other people look after your worries. I know that'll sound like it wouldn't touch the sides, but it's a really calm and affirming space.

[KatherineParr4]

Sending you love OP. You sound like such a loving mother. Be kind to yourself and I hope you find your way out of this. Xx