Just found out I’m pregnant- can’t stop crying/ depressed and confused

[5wksRach]

Hi all, this is my first post on here so I hope o did it correctly!

I’m 33, supportive boyfriend and 9 year old step daughter who lives with us half the time who I adore. I suffer with panic attack disorder/ anxiety but have been doing really well and felt pretty much recovered (as much as you can do with anxiety) the past year.

I had my IUD removed around a year ago as me and my boyfriend agreed that we would use condoms for a while whilst considering having a child. I was really excited and whilst I had worries about my mental health I spoke to my GP and all was good. I’d always pictured myself as a mother and love kids. ( I did have doubts but they were always around anxiety but nothing else)

Then the year just flew by, I got a new job, the pandemic hit, I lost a family member, and work became mad and to be honest we totally “forgot” about having a baby, we didn’t talk about it and just carried on with life.

The past few weeks I’ve been feeling great and then we had a night where we forgot to use a condom and I got the emergency contraception pill (after agreeing now wasn’t the best time) I took it 10 hrs after and didn’t think about it until I missed my period. I’ve took several tests and I’m 5 weeks pregnant it seems. I’ve had no symptoms and no period and have a blood test on Friday to confirm.

Since doing the first test all I’ve done is cry, constantly, I’ve felt no excitement, just fear and hopelessness. I can’t figure out why but I’m even considering not going through with it because the depression has taken over and I don’t even want to leave the house.

This is such a big decision to make and I don’t want to make it because of anxiety and not my true feelings but I can’t quite tell which it is. Are these normal feelings to have after having just found out you’re pregnant?

Sorry for super long post- I’ve also lost appetite, energy and have a sense of doom every day waking up. I have a sense it’s depression but why now? How long will this last? It sounds so selfish but I don’t want to be pregnant if this is my every day from now on :(

Hi @5wksRach I’m sorry you are feeling like this
I couldn’t not reply as I went through the same thing a year ago. I always suffer with my mental health particular where hormones are involved so for me early pregnancy is a very awful time. I felt the exact same as you. Felt no connection to the baby, was waking up crying I very day. In the end I had a termination and those feelings went away pretty much straight away. It’s something I still struggle with now, even though I know I wasn’t well I really wish I had got support from at the time. I would really urge you to talk it through with a counsellor and try and unpick these feelings before any decisions are made. Read up on antenatal depression. It is very much a thing, just not talked about as much as postnatal. I had a mental well-being midwife to support me in my first pregnancy. How does your dp feel about the pregnancy?

I also couldn’t not reply.

I felt the same and was diagnosed with antenatal depression by my GP at 6 weeks. My GP and midwife were really sensitive and supportive about this, and I had a number of setbacks (DGrandad dying among other things) and they continued to provide support and guidance. The depression went at around 16 weeks but my midwife continued to keep regular checks and I had more frequent appointments than I would otherwise have had which definitely helped.

Be kind to yourself and make sure you’re getting the support you need, and also make sure to take time for you. I realise that sounds a bit of a cliche but it’s really important.

Please do speak to your GP and your midwife if you’ve arranged your first appointment - they will be able to help whatever you decide to do.

I felt this exact same way when I fell pregnant early last year. We had never wanted children before really, so when I found out I don't think I physically stopped crying for several hours before I could even speak. All my anxiety and depression and the worst of my previous mental health issues came back. I had a termination and I know it was absolutely the best decision and I don't regret it, although it completely changed everything for us in our lives and in what we want.

I won't lie, the termination caused a lot of emotional and physical trauma for me, but it was still the right thing for the time. Now, we're actively TTC after a lot of healing and work and with preparation I know I'll be able to deal with it next time.

Please see if you could get some counselling. I was offered it before the termination but declined but I really wish I'd gotten it now, I really underestimated the trauma I would experience, but of course, every one is different.

@Someaddedsugar @Owleyes16 you have both put it so much better than I did. The main thing is to seek support, don’t go through this alone x

I felt like this when I got pregnant. I used a pregnancy counselling service to work through my anxiety and fears and understanding how I was feeling. My little boy is now 11 months old and is the light of my life but I don’t think I could have coped without the support I received.

Thankyou so much for your messages- they really have made me feel so much better to know I’m not alone in feeling this way. I’ve felt so much shame and keep imaging having a termination and the relief I’ll feel- which is making me feel like such a failure. It has helped so much heating your stories though and I Thankyou so much.

Thanks @avidteadrinker

@Workinprogress30

Hi *@5wksRach* I’m sorry you are feeling like this I couldn’t not reply as I went through the same thing a year ago. I always suffer with my mental health particular where hormones are involved so for me early pregnancy is a very awful time. I felt the exact same as you. Felt no connection to the baby, was waking up crying I very day. In the end I had a termination and those feelings went away pretty much straight away. It’s something I still struggle with now, even though I know I wasn’t well I really wish I had got support from at the time. I would really urge you to talk it through with a counsellor and try and unpick these feelings before any decisions are made. Read up on antenatal depression. It is very much a thing, just not talked about as much as postnatal. I had a mental well-being midwife to support me in my first pregnancy. How does your dp feel about the pregnancy?

Thankyou @workinprogress30 I burst in to tears reading your message but only because you detailed exactly how I’m feeling and it was such a relief I’m not the only one. By dp do you mean partner? He’s been so supportive and very much “whatever you want to do” which is helpful in some ways but also not if you know what I mean! After my blood test results and when it’s properly clarified I think we may be able to talk about it more but up to now I feel it’s just been me saying how I feel. I do feel lucky though that he’s made me feel so normal and is understanding of depression.

Can I ask, how long after your termination did you have your pregnancy that you carried through- did it feel different to the first? Thanks again xxxxx

@Someaddedsugar

I also couldn’t not reply.

I felt the same and was diagnosed with antenatal depression by my GP at 6 weeks. My GP and midwife were really sensitive and supportive about this, and I had a number of setbacks (DGrandad dying among other things) and they continued to provide support and guidance. The depression went at around 16 weeks but my midwife continued to keep regular checks and I had more frequent appointments than I would otherwise have had which definitely helped.

Be kind to yourself and make sure you’re getting the support you need, and also make sure to take time for you. I realise that sounds a bit of a cliche but it’s really important.

Please do speak to your GP and your midwife if you’ve arranged your first appointment - they will be able to help whatever you decide to do.

Thankyou for sharing your story @Someaddedsugar it really helped hearing that everyone was sensitive to your needs and that these got better at 16wks. I know everyone is different but it’s good to hear there is often a light at the end of the tunnel. I plan to contact my GP as soon as I have had my blood test tomorrow to confirm (though I’m 100% sure I am) but think it’s best I wait. I have also contacted a therapist xxxx

@Owleyes16

I felt this exact same way when I fell pregnant early last year. We had never wanted children before really, so when I found out I don't think I physically stopped crying for several hours before I could even speak. All my anxiety and depression and the worst of my previous mental health issues came back. I had a termination and I know it was absolutely the best decision and I don't regret it, although it completely changed everything for us in our lives and in what we want.

I won't lie, the termination caused a lot of emotional and physical trauma for me, but it was still the right thing for the time. Now, we're actively TTC after a lot of healing and work and with preparation I know I'll be able to deal with it next time.

Please see if you could get some counselling. I was offered it before the termination but declined but I really wish I'd gotten it now, I really underestimated the trauma I would experience, but of course, every one is different.

Your message gave me so much hope @Owleyes16 and it was kind of what I wanted to hear if that makes sense. I’m still up and down but I know deep in my heart that I do want to have children and with some healing and talking therapies maybe this could make it a better experience in the future. Thanks for sharing your story and I hope I didn’t bring up any trauma but It helped so much and if I decide that option I will take up counselling xxxx good luck with TTC xxx

@5wksRach I am so glad to hear your dp is supportive.

My termination was actually my second pregnancy. I wanted to get well before I had another but realise now it is just about managing it better and getting support. I am also now on medication (many of which you can also take in pregnancy). We have been TTC again for 5 months now and I worry I won’t get pregnant again.
It is such a difficult decision and I really do feel for you. You have had so much going on though so it’s no wonder you are feeling a bit blind-sided by this! How are you feeling today?

@5wksRach it’s lovely to hear your partner is there for you and respects any decision you make.

How’re you feeling today?