It didn't cure me

[Theoandelsie]

I've somehow developed some form of anxiety. A fear in going out places unless it's quick or I can get home quick. Before lockdown I was anemic and going through struggles with my energy. My levels are normal but I've been left with a phobia of going weak when I'm out.

I booked tickets to take the kids out today. I was feeling edgy yesterday. Didn't sleep amazingly. Got up just before 7 after being awake an hour. Took paracetamol and rescue remedy.

I could feel myself panicking and wanting to stay home. But my partner told me it would be ok. The journey wasn't too bad. But once I got out the car (hour and 15 minutes) I felt weak and nervous. Got into the place and started to look around with the kids. I noticed I wasn't enjoying it. I felt empty and the day out wasn't putting me in good spirits. We had a picnic and I told my partner I didn't feel like I wanted to be there. I said I couldn't enjoy myself and felt drained and anxious.

We stayed for just two hours. The kids were getting tired anyway. I said to my partner id had enough. Then it took 15 minutes to find the exit. I felt really anxious and had to try and keep calm getting back to the car.

I don't know how to recover from this. I don't understand why my head gets into a state. I've lost all my confidence. I can't concentrate. I wanted to be happy like all the other mums there. I plastered on a smile but inside I felt miserable.

I'm definitely not depressed. But I would say some sort of anxiety disorder has been triggered.

Any advice?

Yes, thats. probably a General Anxiety disorder, you can get meds for it, or CBT, and there is a few good books out there that can help. Anxiety is based on fears being bigger than what they are, the only way to deal with it is to face the fear and ask 'what is the worst that can happen, but what is more likely to happen'. If you set up avoidance behaviours in order to avoid perceived threats, the perceived threats will just become smaller and smaller units you can't go out the door. Don't beat yourself up, just access help. xx

For a first time out after being indoors so long, I wouldn't have done over an hour each way in the car. 45 minutes max and nowhere crowded, just a pleasant place.

You need to build up to outings gradually. Give it time, you'll be fine. How you feel is not unusual.

but aren't most outings for the children's benefit anyway.
surely we don't really expect to be enjoying ourselves, we are on duty, looking after children, have to be alert, thinking of their needs etc.
i can only really enjoy myself when totally relaxed, eg not responsible for someone else's welfare.
i'm not saying everything is horrible, or an endurance, but it's an attitude.

Its absolutely normal to feel some intrepidation, it will pass. Start small, build up.