Were you a child who experienced domestic violence/abuse?

[Escaperoomuser]

I had my 2nd session with my therapist today and we talked about my childhood.

At the start of it I explained I felt numb and emotionless when I spoke about my childhood. By the end of it I had shed a lot of tears and had a couple of revelations about how I've been "dealing" with it.

She recommended reading up about the effects of domestic abuse on children. That I may find some comfort to read that I'm not alone, and the feelings of guilt can be a normal reaction for a grown up child of DA. And that I am not that child anymore, so even though I blamed my mum for my father's abuse... I was looking through a child's eyes and that I shouldn't feel bad about that as an adult.

I know I'm only skimming the surface and it seems so massive and daunting. I thought maybe striking up a conversation here might make it easier for me (and you?)

I did.
Shocking violence.
It was normal and happening all the time not just in my family but in those around us.

Hasn’t really affected me in adulthood other than no way on gods green earth would it happen to me.
I know, feel, too much to ever fall victim.
(I’d hope anyway)
I’ve got to a ripe old age with nothing of this happening to me.

Crosser... Similarly, every single one of my friends, without exception, came from a violent family background. My therapist said we were drawn to each other, even if we didn't speak about it, we just knew it about each other. I think being around these families just normalised it further.

5 years ago I came out of a violent relationship, he was basically a carbon copy of my dad.

I have worked so hard to get my life back on track, and I have managed to break the cycle of abuse. I wish I could say the same for my siblings

Me I had to stop my dad from attempting to stab my mum at the worst while he was out of it on drugs, (iv amphetamine) i got in the middle and stayed there it stopped when he tried to punch my mum and I got in the way and he knocked me to the floor giving me a severely bloody mouth and lip. Seemed to snap him out of it as he never meant to hurt me, and he turned and ran around and left before police could get there.

I ended up in one abusive relationship after another before at my worst ending up in a severely abusive relationship using iv amphetamine, took me a lot to get out of it and sort my life out I been single since for 4 1/2 years just waiting until it feels right and that I've healed enough to trust again.

So sorry you had to go through that

I had similar experiences, except my dad didn't take drugs (in my 20s and early 30s I was most definitely addicted to weed, coke, nicotine and alcohol... I think to blot out all the painful memories)

I also went from one abusive relationship to the other... In a sort of fog... Not realising they were abusive. Until one day I posted on mn and my eyes were opened. I left my abuser and fully realised my abusive past. I had a few years alone and then met my now husband. He has restored my faith in men.

You're doing really well @theodoreb for getting off the drugs and for the wisdom of staying single until you are ready.

@Escaperoomuser thank you I'm so sorry you had to go through all that I think especially as I was daddy's girl not only did I have to hit rock bottom but had to understand drugs in order to get better I think without hitting rock bottom I would have carried on forever but now I'm just staying single and working on me.

Sorry to hear your stories
Mine is similar to Cross it was everywhere but luckily my Dad took the worst of it for me.
Everyone thought it was funny because my Mum was the mad head.
She was cruel and also very consistent.

Yes grew up with DA. Very subtle. People thought we were the perfect family. Nut my dad was extremely emotionally abusive to my mother. I hated her for not standing up to him. I didn't realise she was paralysed by fear. I've never really spoke about it. I always thought every family was like ours.

Yes jogalong... I hear what you are saying about hating your mum because she didn't stop him. I also blamed my mum for the abuse and for him leaving. I remember telling her once... That if she wasn't so many he wouldn't hit her and he would never have left.

The guilt I feel about those emotions and thoughts towards my mum. I didn't realise until I spoke to my therapist. She said I shouldn't feel guilty about having childish thoughts... I WAS a child. I didn't understand, and I shouldn't beat myself up about it as an adult. That helped a lot.

Another thing I'm grappling with is a memory of walking in on my mum being raped by my dad. She was telling him over and over to stop, that he was hurting her. But he didn't stop.

I also believe I am a child conceived of rape.

*wasn't so moany

Me too - physical and emotional abuse. Took a long time to work through it in therapy and I neatly quitted at least once as at the time I felt it's pointless. It was a slow and painful process but from hindsight well worth time, effort, persistance. Hang in there.

Thank you for sharing.

I will hang in there. This is just the next thing for me to explore and put in the past. I know I can do it, I'm just trying to understand it all really.

Do I speak to my mum about it? My sibling?

Emotional and medical neglect;bullied for four years at secondary school.Lived with 2 relatives with mental health problems;many ACEs.Still living with it at age 73.I have anxiety,depression,a sleep disorder,hypervigilance,I think I have PTSD,no one cares.

My dad was violent too. I then fell into relationship after Relationship with violent and controlling men.
I can’t go into too much detail but you can change the pattern.
I’ve had a lot of therapy about this as well as other stuff and it is worth it. The memories and some scars (mostly mentally) will stay with me but I’m determined that history stops with me.

Greenpop... I too have broken the cycle and changed the pattern, I started the changes in my mid 30s, and am still working on myself in my 40s. I am determined that the abuse stops with me. My dc will not be subjected to it.

Pentingo... I am so saddened to read your post. Would you think about therapy? It's never too late to change your life.

Hopefully getting therapy when my doctors realise how serious it is i.e PTSD...I have all the symptoms

It’s certainly an easy thing to fix / change though, is it? It’s great you recognise that you really can change the pattern and break that cycle, don’t underestimate how hard that is to do. What happens in your childhood is such a huge part of you.

That should read NOT an easy thing!!