Emetophobia and pregnancy

[Sasha222]

Hello,
I’ve suffered with severe emetophobia (fear of being sick) for 22 years of my life, it has hindered every aspect of my life from work to relationships and even being able to leave the house in case I catch a stomach bug. I haven’t been sick for over 20 years. I am currently receiving cbt and exposure therapy but I am in the very early stages and this has been postponed due to Covid.

I have wanted a baby for as long as I can remember but everything ultimately comes down to this debilitating phobia.

I am currently in a position where I feel like I am ready to give it go but obviously this phobia has me questioning everything.

I’m terrified of morning sickness, I can cope with nausea but obviously the fear is of the unknown happening - vomiting. My family is not a ‘sicky’ family and my mum never suffered with morning sickness.

I’m also extremely terrified of the sickness bugs that the child will inevitably catch and bring home. How often do children actually get sickness bugs? As a child I remember barely ever being sick, so have I hyped all of this up as happening ‘all the time’ when in reality this doesn’t actually happen very often at all?

Hopefully someone else out there is in the same situation and can offer me some advice.

Thank you

Hi there I have this too.I haven't vomited in over 45 years.I did postpone getting pregnant.for ages them joined an emetephobia online.group.Another girl.got pregnant.and wasnt.sick so I took the plunge.I wasn't sick.with either of my 2 pregnancies.
I think a lot of it is low confidence as we feel we can't cope.

I used to be emetophobic. It has improved with exposure. Within the space of 5 years I had two terrible sickness bugs and I suppose it was kind of like exposure therapy in that every incident I survived tipped the balance a bit. It was traumatic though!

Even given this, I've never fully shaken the phobia and still break out in a cold sweat, raised heart rate, panic if I think I might be sick and I go to great lengths to avoid germs especially in winter.

I was very concerned as to how I would cope in pregnancy. In my first trimester both times I had terrible terrible nausea. This was hard to deal with as I constantly felt as though I might be sick any moment but I suppose with every day that passed I started to relax a bit as it never happened. There are medications you can take to help even with just nausea and finding the right things/timings for eating makes a huge difference. I didn't vomit once during pregnancy.

In all honesty, I would go ahead and try to conceive when you are otherwise ready to.

Also emetephobic here, but only in sense of others being sick, not too worried about vomiting from myself. I didn’t experience morning sickness at all, with either DC. In terms of child sickness though, it is hard. My youngest is prone to vomiting whenever he has a temperature. I was having CBT after a bad winter with several vomiting bugs but it was also cancelled due to Covid. Do you have a supportive partner? That’s how I get through it, and he deals with every vomit or potential vomit situation. If I have to deal, then I use a lot of props to help me feel in control- bowls, towels etc. I’m not going to lie, it can be very difficult, but it is worth it and gets easier as they get older.

I forgot to consider the vomiting child scenario!

I'm a single parent so have had no choice but to deal with DD myself. I was amazed the first time she was sick as to how well I coped and how I wanted to comfort her and look after her whereas, with anyone else at all, you wouldn't see me for dust.

After the first ever puke I did put in place a system to make it all as easy to deal with as possible. I now keep a stack of old towels on the floor of the airing cupboard that I can just grab. If DD is unwell then after the first incident, I cover my bed with the towels and sit with DD in bed and a small washing up bowl that I bought especially for the purpose of catching vomit.

It sounds horrendous but for some reason I can handle it. I'm trying really hard not to pass on my issues to DD as emetephobia is bloody hard work, as you know

Same here! I've been emetophobic my entire life (started around age 8) but have improved quite a bit after doing Rob Kelly's Thrive program. I've also always wanted a baby and I found that the biological urge overrides the phobia and you will absolutely not regret it. Of course the anxiety is always present but you learn to cope with it and you will feel proud about dealing with situations you never thought you could. I was never sick either during pregnancy or delivery, which is surprisingly common amongst emets, however I did feel queasy quite a lot and learned to deal with it using ginger chews, gum, fennel tea and always carrying rice cakes/crackers with me.

I also hated reading stories of people dealing with their sicky child and was terrified it would happen it me. However I found that it truly is different if it's your own. You simply clean it up and it genuinely doesn't bother you much. Also taking care of a baby is surprisingly desensitising and you will be amazed how much you don't care about sick by the time they're older. A baby spits up milk a lot which isn't triggering or gross, virtually all emet mums says that this doesn't bother them. This slowly progresses to the odd puree spit-up (different colour) which isn't a big deal by then. There are also widely different reasons for babies/toddlers to get sick.

My DD is 19months and has never been sick from a bug or virus. However she has a very sensitive gag reflex so she retches if something catches in her throat. Weaning took ages because she couldn't swallow lumps and she often tries to stick paper, stickers or toys in her mouth. So I deal with a sick incident almost every week but because it's "mechanical" it doesn't scare me as much as a bug. However this also helps me put things in perspective because objectively, I'm actually cleaning up sick all the time which is still no different to her being sick from a bug.

After a while it just becomes normal and you must never forget that you'll have a long road of desensitisation "training" before you get to the point of your toddler or child being sick. At my worst point of emetophobia I was unable to use a carton of milk for more than a day. If I had an open carton in my fridge from the previous day I couldn't pour it into my tea because I was so afraid it would make me sick. In contrast, two weeks ago DD was in the back seat while I was driving and choked on a biscuit wrapper. I heard her gagging and reached back and caught the sick in my hand, and I was genuinely pleased because it meant less to clean up in the car.

This isn't intended as a horror story but just proof that emetophobia can improve on its own and you won't be the same person you are now after you have a baby!

Thank you all so, so much for replying to me - it does feel so much better knowing i'm not alone and there are others out there like me! Many people who I have spoken to about this phobia don't understand and find it such an odd phobia as 'no one likes being sick!'.

Wow, 45 years is very impressive (and comforting!). I totally agree that low confidence has a major contribution to this phobia.

I do feel that I would somehow cope with the nausea because of the back up of anti-emetics but at the same time I also know how sick I make myself feel solely through anxiety - if I feel my stomach twinge or make any slight pain or feel any degree of queasiness I immediately go in to full blown panic mode and take a lot of calming down.

I have just been made redundant and the thought of getting a new job and then getting pregnant is also causing me a great deal of distress so I do feel like now would be the best time as I can do it in the 'safety' of my own home without the added pressure of a new job and obviously the fear of feeling or (heaven forbid!) being physically sick at work. Although money would be tight I just feel that this is the only way I can consider it.

Luckily I do have an extremely supportive partner who I know would step in and help out greatly. He is very understanding and has put up with a hell of a lot of distress and sheer terror from me with this phobia over the years. His main fear is that I pass this phobia on to our child or that I simply won't be able to cope with it and it will make the emetophobia worse. I obviously would do everything in my power not to pass this on and to shield them from any of this - but I am under no illusions that this will be a difficult task but I am 100% willing to try prevent this as much as I can! The phobia isn't something I would wish on my worst enemy as you all know!

My mum has insisted that it is different when it is your own child who is sick as you WANT to comfort and make them better. Something as a child-free person cannot currently understand, but I can only hope that in the situation my motherly instincts will completely take over and I will be able to cope to some degree.

I have also began Rob Kelly's Thrive Programme. I purchased the book online last year and have got about half way through and it truly makes perfect sense! However, I have since put the book down as I'm terrified i'll get to the end and the fear won't have improved (you can't fail if you don't try - right?! :( Which I know is completely stupid but i'm so terrified i'll be trapped in this forever). I will pick the book up again and continue, I have heard so many positive reviews that it worried me that it was a scam.

I'm hopeful that cbt and exposure will help me over time and I will be able to have a baby and be a good mother. It's amazing how much this fear that sounds so silly to others is completely debilitating and takes over every aspect of your life!

Thank you all so much for taking the time to respond - I really do appreciate it, this has made me feel so much less alone!

I must admit when th e kids.we're young I slept.downstairs for years when they had vomited as.every time they coughed I became hyper vigilant to the fact they could vomit!
They hardly ever.did due to good hygiene I think.I would clear up the vomit Dh comforted them.
Neither have the phobia either and are well balanced adults.Sorry you have been made redundant.