Not sure wether I'm mentally ill or if I just over-worry

[Kyle19]

Again, I'm sorry that this is the wrong place but I genuinely don't know what else to do.

I've always had anxiety issues, never been to see a doctor about it but I'm just always so worried. Worried that I've upset someone. Worried about money. Worried about other people.

Tonight my friend ignored my messages (she is a lot older than me, I'm 18, she's 35) and although I didn't really say anything that would annoy someone this always the conclusion that I jump to and it's happened countless times with the same person. Before, she's always replied later and apologised, saying that she was busy doing something and forgot to reply (she's a mum of 4 and works full time). But this time she still hasn't.

Tonight for the first time I've myself physically sick because I'm that worried and I'm really not sure this is normal?

Just before my 18th birthday in March, my head was in such a bad place that I ended up using a suicide helpline so that I didn't top myself. When I'm on my own all I ever want to do is cry.

The morning after this I went to see my sister and told her (she has had anorexia, brought on by anxiety and depression so she knows how I feel) and she said it was time I opened up to my parents about it so took me home. I was going to get a doctors appointment after that but I would only go if my mum agreed to go with me but her and my stepdad said they didn't think I needed a doctor and that I just need the support of my family.

I haven't been suicidal since then which I suppose is good and sometimes the anxiety isn't there at all, and sometimes it is.

Now I'm scared to scared to say anything to my Mum as she said if I tried to tell her I was depressed again she'd punch me in the face (pretty sure she was exaggerating there).

I'm trying my best but tonight it's getting to the point where I feel like I'm running out of options and no-one can help me.

I can't see any of my friends as at the moment they're all working and I'm not allowed in (I don't have any friends outside of work).

Can someone help me please because I'm genuinely petrified and I don't know what to do

Hello @kyle19
I haven't read your whole thread yet, just the first couple of posts.
It sounds like you have Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD).
I do too. I take a low dosage of antidepressants and I feel much better for it. It helps me to keep things in perspective.
All of your symptoms are very, very familiar to me.
Please see your GP as soon as you can

Please see a GP, or call the helplines the PPs have helpfully suggested.
Your mental health, just like physical health, is your utmost priority to take care of.

@Choice4567

Would your mum be so upset if you had medication that she’d kick you out? Just trying to gently get to the conclusion of some of the thoughts.

She would be angry not because I have medication but because I won't have said anything to her. But if I say anything to her she will still be angry because she told me before she would be

My mum used to really struggle if I was having issues with anxiety, apparently then it was all her fault and used to cry and ask what she had done wrong

It used to really upset me and I felt like I couldn’t tell her anything. But after a lot of counselling I managed to separate my feelings from hers. So I told when I went on medication because I knew she’d want to know. But I just let her get on with her reaction and didn’t respond to it

So, your mum can't have it both ways. She'd be angry if you told her and angry if you don't tell her and she finds out. That is actually pretty unfair of her. It maybe that she is actually worried and her way of trying to deal with it is to bulky you into denying there is a problem.
But there is a problem so you shouldn't deny it. Much better to get help and then, if you can, just let her be angry. She may try to make it your fault that she is angry, but it really isn't! Taking action to help yourself is a good thing to do not a bad one

bully, not bulky