DH not understanding anxiety

[mylittlesandwich]

My DH is returning to work from furlough tomorrow. I am of course very relieved that he has a job to go back to. DS is almost 8 months and he's been furloughed for about half of his life.
I have PND and anxiety which I'm on medication for, one of the biggest things for me was that I would have panic attacks at the thought of being left along to care for DS. Now logically I know I am capable of looking after him but the though of DH going back to 12 hour shifts again has sent me back to being a bit panicked.
I mentioned this to DH this morning, not asking him to do anything about it just talking to him about how I feel. He told me to stop being so ridiculous, of course I can look after him I've been doing it for months, that I should have snapped out of this nonsense by now.
Lockdown has set me back on how I was doing, I know it has, I really wish I could just snap out of it. I do feel much better than I did at the start but I'm not there yet, plus there's so much change going on just now, I've just started a phased return to work and DS will need to be looked after by family members possibly from next week. DHs shifts are always put out very last minute which doesn't help matters. Surely I'm not just supposed to be 'cured' or is he right? Am I stringing this out for longer than needs be?

I think it depends how your anxiety is manifesting. If you're still having panic attacks and debilitating irrational anxiety, you need your medication revisited.

I was fine until about a week ago. Then it seems like it's starting to creep back in a bit. I am under the perinatal mental health team but they haven't been the easiest to get a hold of since lockdown started.

Both you and your husband are right.

You need to find a way to manage this anxiety as A) it quite clearly can't go on forever and B) your husband has to go to work

So to put it frankly, you have no choice

HOWEVER

Anxiety isn't easy, and you end up getting anxious about having anxiety and then end up in a vicious cycle.

I would be giving either the GP or HV a call and saying to need to access support very soon and to be made a priority

You got change again, that’s what’s set your anxiety off

You’ve got better Than you was because of the meds helping you and overtime your anxiety as lowered

Now what’s happening is, your safe home life is changing and negative thoughts have automatically started
They are telling you
“ I’m going to panic on my own with ds” what will happen I’m here on my own
They are just THOUGHTS
Not REAL

We have hundreds of thoughts coming and going all day, yet we just may pick up on a couple but then carry on. So don’t pick up on this one, pay no attention
It’s not true or real

It’s true, you have been looking after ds with anxiety /depression
maybe with a little help from dh
but you are doing it day in day out.
Don’t let the thoughts feel REAL
There NOT,
Otherwise it will become a vicious circle

Have u suffered anxiety before ds ?
Try looking in YouTube at cbt techniques and changing your thinking

I know exactly how you feel, I’ve suffered 30+ years
It’s sole destroying

I'm sorry to say this littlesandwich but I think your DH's comments were very unkind (even if he meant well). You can't just 'snap out of' anxiety and PND - otherwise we just would, wouldn't we?

Looking after babies can be tough at the best of times. Mothers need all the help and support they can get.

If you can't get hold of the mental health team ring your GP or your health visitor today. Tell them exactly how awful you feel and that you need urgent support. If you have friends or family that you can talk to, contact them for some support. Most people want to help if they can.

I hope things improve for you.

L

As for
“you should off snapped out of this nonsense by now”

As said
Doesn’t he think that, If you could you would of by now
As if is just that EASY, there wouldn’t be the tens of 1000’s of people suffering if it was easy.

I’m sorry but your husband is one off the old fashioned brigade, snap out off it!!!! Omg. Wtf

People with this attitude need to have it full blown
Let’s see if they find it easy.

Sorry but I don’t think you will be getting any help and sympathy from him unfortunately.

Put yourself first and don’t put to much pressure on yourself, especially now more so with going back to work.
Having a baby is a shock to the system, everything is different from now on.
Sleep, time to yourself, just walking out through the door, getting in the car, going to the shop, having a bath
You have a little one, that needs 24/7 care.

Get some help, stop struggle and think it will just go.
Get dh to do more, don’t do it all yourself

Thanks for the replies everyone. I'm certainly not against having my medication checked but I want to be sure it's not just a temporary blip. So far it's day 1 of just me and DS and I'm doing ok. I didn't sleep too well last night but no panic attacks other than the one last Sunday.
I think days with older DS are going to be easier. He doesn't cry when you sit him down like he did in the newborn days and I get a chance to eat when he eats. We've just had toast and avocado for lunch.
DH did apologise for some of his comments this morning. He's a bit stressed about going out to work and as he works long shifts he's upset he won't really get to see DS although they had breakfast together this morning.

A good bit of advice I was once given that might help you...

Being a mum is tough, but at the end of the day, it's not going on your CV. So just do what you need to do to get through the day. And start afresh tomorrow.