Helpless in face of friends cancer

[Lockdownlooks]

Outside of this thread none of this is about me.
Sorry this is long. I need reassurance that these feelings are part normal.

Can’t get help irl, I’m not the one that needs help atm from people I know irl.

Family Friend who has had bad news about cancer and will be having more treatment. My relatives are medical and so is the friend (I’m not) so getting news. Our family can’t help practically at all. Friend has emotional support elsewhere (I offered early on)

I feel shit because I can’t help her with her children. I’m not capable for a number of reasons. Even my shielding parents would be better than me. I sent a message that I was really sorry about what was happening a couple of months ago. I didn’t get a response and I haven’t been in touch because I’m a coward. The last thing friend needs is me seeking reassurance.

It is getting me down- I know some of it is about my esteem. I feel a let down to my parents. I wish it was me. This person has children and I don’t. She has a job that really helps people. I already have depression a (usually very well controlled) and other health issues so couldn’t it just have been me? I’ve not really got family apart from my parents.

I’m not suicidal, completely physically safe now. I wish I was dead sometimes.

What makes you think your family friend wouldn't appreciate just a call to see how they are?

I sent a text. I don’t expect a reply.

Two issues.... if you genuinely wish yourself dead, ever, you are absolutely not ok and need help.

Wishing it was you is pointless. The best thing you can do is pick up the phone and speak to this person. Help does not have to be practical. A listening ear can be the most helpful thing ever. But I would be very careful, actually, not to talk to this person about your feelings.. make it all about them with some light stuff about your life.

Thank you. As I said these personal feelings are only for this thread. Any contact with my friend will be positive (at least in terms of my news).

As regards me I have a background of depression and ASD. This does mean intrusive thoughts such as about wishing I was dead. I remind myself that they are thoughts. Maybe ASD makes it harder to know what to say or pick up on cues.