Mental health and impact on children

[Goandplay]

I can’t stop crying at the moment.

We’ve had a bereavement and life is basically difficult at the moment for a variety of reasons. My children keep finding me crying.

I’m worried about the impact and don’t know what to say to them. They’re 7 and 15.

Any advice.

Me too I keep crying I have to do it alone

I’ve had a bereavement and suffered mental health issues since. Be kind to yourself, a councillor told me to be open and honest, if the children see me cry I tell them the truth, “I am sad, I’m missing so and so etc”, I tell them it is ok to be sad sometimes and to cry, sometimes they try to comfort me and I say thank you but also they mustn’t make it their job to make me feel better.
I still worry constantly if I am like that the memories it might leave them with but equally I think it is good that they will be learning it is ok to show your feelings and not hide or be ashamed of them.
It feels like a fine line to balance but I think talking about it as much as you feel is appropriate is really good. I hope you feel better soon x

Thank you.

I’m also feeling like I have to do everything. I feel unheard when I’m asking for help.
I feel broken.

I’m sorry you are feeling this way. I don’t know your situation and as lame as it sounds with regards to the bereavement it does get easier. I think it isn’t that it is less painful but eventually you just get use to the grief and compartmentalise it over time as you have to keep going on and then things may trigger that pain but every day living becomes easier. If you feel you need someone to talk to for the grief there are options for that although unless you can pay privately they can take time on a waiting list. I had counselling through the local nhs and another family though a charity called Dove.

With regards to not being heard when asking for help it depends on the context?
Maybe if you mean with regards to in the household and needing the kids/partner to help then think of a different way to approach it...for example rather than say ‘can you do the washing’...sit everyone down together without any distractions and say here is a list of the jobs that need doing, I can’t do it by myself/I need help especially right now and make them chose what tasks they will do so they have put the responsibility on themselves. And if you feel something is getting to much for you give yourself a time out....even if it is going to your room for five mins alone to just give yourself a chance to reset.

Thank you for taking the time to respond. I really appreciate your words and thoughts.
I suppose I feel like I’m no one priority. Not even my own. I feel a constant stress and rage building.

Sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed with it. Maybe try talking with your nearest and dearest as openly as you can about these feelings. Or if there is someone who can just have the children even for a few hours for you to spend some time on you or getting some tasks done (I know that may not be easy in the current climate). Sometimes when I feel at total breaking point my husband realises and I get to spend a couple of hours off walking the dog by myself whilst he entertains the kids. It is t often but it does me the world of good.

There are so many different emotions that come with grief and anger is definitely a big one, whether over the bereavement or directed at other things. Try to find ways to ask for help if you can x

Sorry I can’t offer any wisdom, I’m not good at even following ,y own advice so know it’s not easy x

I'm so sorry for your loss.
I believe it's ok for my kids to see me cry, I think we are harming our kids more by keeping them away from our strong emotions. I also agree that by giving them a brief explanation on why we are sad and that we just need a cry in a sense 'normalises' the experience for them so they can also cry and feel that it's ok. I have memories of my Mum crying but I never knew what was going on or why, I was just asked to leave her alone. That hurt me far more than if someone had just given me a bit of grounding context I think. So don't worry about your kids, they are ok, just give yourself time and space to grieve so they can see that it is a process and part of life.