Feeling low and a failure

[thefishthatcouldwish]

Hi all,

I feel so low about myself at the moment.

I was on for starting IVF this week but due to a weight gain they had to cancel my cylce. Not loads but enough to stop it. Something I have been working towards for 12 months but in the journey of for 2 and half years.

I know i put weight on when my dad was ill in hospital at the start of march.

I am such a failure.

I feel so guilty. So pointless. Motivating myself to be healthy and get up and exercise seems pointless too.

Currently in work in my office thinking of what should have been and how utterly useless I am.

Don’t be so hard on yourself! These are really difficult times and most people are struggling. Put the negative energy into doing something positive and try to lose the weight! You can do this!

Isn’t there a saying “whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.” Have heard this before that if you had any idea of the power of your thoughts you would never have another negative thought again

Thanks.

I'm not sure I can do it. I am a failure. I wish I had a higher opinion of myself but I am at a low ebe right now.

Oh op I wish I could come and give you a big unmumsnetty hug. I totally get the feelings of disappointment and guilt.

I've been stuck in a cycle of weight gain for years. In a slightly different situation but have put on weight over lockdown, not really loving my body, and my biological clock is also ticking. I don't trust myself to stick to a plan and I don't trust I'll have children, but I just want the weight lost, like yesterday.

I think you have to acknowledge your feelings but recognise when you are going down the I'm a failure thinking as that's not fair on yourself. In CBT there is the Behavioural Activation approach, rather than trying to change the feelings pick a behaviour that will make you feel good e.g. healthy meal, exercise class. I don't think there is an easy way to navigate all the feelings and the only way is through them, but doing positive things will help the negative feelings, and obviously has the benefit of getting you closer to your weight loss goal. Which I totally believe in you and that you can achieve it.

There is also a very supportive weight loss chat thread on mumsnet.

Hope that helps, I think it helped me more to write!

But to be honest it's not about you and your personal weight gain, is it? It's about the system that's stated an 'optimal weight' that's been agreed on by Dr's who state 'this is the weight range we have defined that needs to be adhered to by someone wanting to access NHS, IVF services'. Which isn't a personal failing on your part at all. It's just an arbitrary number that has been created to form a criteria you're then expected to meet. Yes, it might be 'optimal', but there will be millions of women above and below that imaginary 'criteria', who have become pregnant. You shouldn't beat yourself up about not ticking a box someone states you apparently need to be able to access medical services. It's shitty, and massively unfair! But please don't tell yourself you've 'failed' for not currently achieving a hypothetical benchmark that realistically shouldn't even probably exist in the first place.