DS is bipolar and it is ruining all of our lives

[notaflyingmonkey]

DS is 19, and was diagnosed roughly a year ago following some very manic episodes. He was on meds that controlled his condition for about a year, and then in Feb they stopped working.

Since Feb he has been put on different meds, and different doses of meds, and he is still manic.

He is exhausting to be around, as he had no filters.

We have had no real help from the NHS (covid takes all) and have been left to deal with him ourselves. It is fucking exhausting.

I feel sorry for him, of course. But I hate his condition and what it does to him. I worry constantly.

And I hate that we have been abandoned to deal with the condition on our own.

I just needed to vent.

Thank you to everyone that has responded to me, it's given me a lot to think about.

When he is manic he does very high risk things that aren't confined to the home. I suspect I only know some of them, but what I do know is bad enough.

I do wonder about BPD, having read up on it it seems to be a good fit for him. But I am feeling exhausted by having to tell the MH professionals what they should be looking for with him.

We did end up going private a few weeks ago, as it was getting to the point where we were getting nowhere with the NHS, and he was not safe. He was telling them that we were stopping him doing stuff that he had a right to do (ie smoking weed) and so they were helping him find a place to live. Which at this stage, with him not being stable, would be dangerous for him IMO.

I have no exp with bipolar but know someone who was borderline and their moods changed constantly on the stop of a hat

There is something called rapid cycling bipolar which basically means you can up and down very quickly

Having lived with mh issues in three generations, and been one of the cases, I agree it's exhausting and can ruin lives. I suggest you take up mindfulness and cbt - it doesn't change your situation but it helps restore inner balance.

I agree with PP. You need a way to cope,be mindful and ( I hate the word but) detach....for your own sanity. This is why...

My relative has had an episode within the last few days. Disappeared and had all the family frantically trying to find him. He has been messaging friends and family but won't tell them where he is ( paranoia as he thinks they are conspiringagainst him) and also messaging his children with his delusional thoughts,who are now frightened,distraught and terrified of him doing some harm to himself. His elderly parents are having to ring crisis teams and hospitals, his phone is now off. This is probably the 10th time this has happened.
It is an absolute nightmare. He has just basically abandoned his job too.

I'm not saying every case is like this, but you need to be in the best possible state to cope with whatever this condition throws at you. It's not pretty.

It's certainly not pretty.

DS sends me abusive messages, but doesn't send them to anyone else in the family. He knows I am the strongest, and it is a way of knocking my defences. I quite often have to block him in order to protect my own MH.

I have found myself feeling sorry for Kanye West recently, which are words I never thought I would utter.

It is common for people with MH issues to self medicate with drugs, and of course it does not improve the situation at all!

I am wondering what you want from the professionals? What do you expect them to do? He is taking his pills, he is living in a safe environment with his family...

so they were helping him find a place to live. Which at this stage, with him not being stable, would be dangerous for him IMO

See I disagree here, if your son telling the professionals he wants to move then they have a duty to look into that option for him. Actually supported living may be beneficial for your son to gain his independence.

I wondered if the drugs weren't working because he is borderline pd, not bipolar (or as well as).

I really dont know why someone bipolar would be attacking you with horrible messages (to 'bring down your defenses') but no one else in the family.

What you're talking about there is deliberately controlled, thought out behaviour. Is therefore more about choices and personality rather than the illness, surely?

I'd be blocking him permanently on everything bar one way of contact. And if he gets abusive on that, not replying. There is no excuse, for abuse, as the saying goes.

Just reading about how there can be a link between bipolar and abuse too so maybe I'm off on that. But your word choice makes it sound as if he has made you an ongoing target in some way because he wants to break you. Maybe you have an incline that it isn't just illness doing the talking? I'd be curious as to what he was like growing up.

We've actually found that our family member does indeed target certain people with abuse when manic. The same ones with the same accusations. It seems to depend on the relationship he has with them when well. It seems that he has no " filter" and all the little annoyances are outrageously magnified and taken out of context.

For example ,he has always thought his brother was a bit bossy. When manic he will send a deluge of horrible texts accusing him of bad mouthing him to his friends,abusing his children, being taken over by spirits ....its happened so many times,always the same script.

He also only connects with certain people when he is going into a manic episode,so we know if he says he has spoken to such and such that he isn't well.

Is it worth contacting any organisations like mind or bipolar UK if you haven’t?