Alternatives to self-harming.

[YATTA]

DW is going through a very bad patch and has cut herself a couple of times in the last week. I've seen her do it a long time ago and unfortunately it's reared its ugly head again.

Does anyone have and ideas for something I can arrange for her to do or buy for her as an alternative outlet/distraction (preferably from experience).

Why is she so unhappy?

Listen to Califrau, she has more experience - I think!

bump

why is she so unhappy? you have to tell if you want to make a difference

Thanks.

Severe depression. I can identify bad influences on her life, but they cannot be reversed in the short term. In the meantime she is using self harming as a release and I'm naively optimistic I can find some other outlet for her.

That'll keep me busy for a bit. Thank you.

We've all done self harming at some time ... no? Wake up and realise that it's all shit. Get through it ... think about what you really want. You'll get through it ...

I think I'm hearing that you're looking for something tangible that you can suggest to her? I know very little about self-harming but my gut instinct says that something that may help is to use your body in a fairly extreme physical way. Would doing something like hiking / swimming / rock-climbing put her body in a different context somehow? I know cutting is about release but it's also about feeling numb. The emotional numbness as you say is something that need to be dealt with in the long term and possibly with medication. But I would think that tackling it from the physical side would help too.

Hi YATTA, im afraid im a self harmer too - thankfully not often these days. Would she let you give her a massage? Could she take up knitting (i know it sounds odd, but her hands will be occupied and it can get hypnotically dull - good for numbing the brain)kickboxing, yoga and above all antidepressants (ime)

my husband sends his sympathies - he has had to witness me hurting myself and hates it

hope you find something that helps.xxx

hard for me to admit for first time{on this site}but did that in my teens found it was a would symptom be a good word?of a deeper problem definatly agree with mms numbness comment has she talked about why she does this you are a very good kind person to support her my dh got me through and past doing such what seems like such a ridiculas thing wish her all the best

Here I am - one of the late night self-harmers that Califrau mentioned. I?m sorry you are both going through this YATTA.

Aside from the more long-term solutions which I hope your DW is getting some help for (therapy, counseling, skills training, ADs or other meds) there are things that you or she can do.

Without knowing any details about the situation, maybe you & your DW could try some of these? They sound really obvious and in a way, they are. But they are also actually quite helpful if you remember them when the urge hits?

Crisis Survival Skills (to get through the heat of the moment):

? Use Ice (changes your autonomic nervous system)
Fill sink with cold water AND ice. Plunge face in. It hurts. But it works. At least temporarily. Also try holding an ice cube on wrist, a can of soda on your head etc. It must be VERY cold and wet. This is proven through quite a lot of research to stop impulses to hurt oneself. If you make the water cold enough it does work.

? Warm bath
? Intense exercise
? Tense all your muscles. Progressively relax each muscle from your head, cheeks, ears, chin, neck, shoulders etc all the way down
? Pros & Cons (this would sometimes help me as I knew if I self-harmed, it would definitely make my situation worse)
? Distract (watch movie, play game, phone call, make something, count to 10, squeeze rubber ball, listen to really loud music)
? Deep breathing
? Remember that the urge to SH will pass (it is easy to get caught up in the ?I need to SH? thing & can be almost impossible to resist the urge so this is hard).
? Self Soothe (do something nice, light a scented candle, stroke the cat etc)

I think just being there, not judging, seeming shocked or upset will help. Give her fewer other things to worry about and help her take good care of herself. My favorites include ice, a stress ball type toy and doing something with my hands ? typing, crocheting etc. Other people suggested I scribble on my arm with a red pen.

Califrau linked to some threads that may help. Some of them have really good advice. I know, I?ve read them too

Hope things get better soon. Thinking of you

x

Good morning all.

Thank you. These are just the sort of ideas I'm looking for.
Ice seems to be suggested a lot and that's something that's just as easy to grab as a razor blade, but won't cause any scarring.
I'll suggest knitting/crocheting. I'm sure she'll scoff, but you never know!
The big physical activities (she's joining a gym and I'm encouraging regular walks) are more a long term thing and wouldn't replace the more spontaneous urge to SH late at night. She's not at home at the moment, so I haven't been present to help when she's done it recently. I've taken our DVD player round (much to our dds' dissapointment, but they watch too much anyway!) and a few new films to watch and I'll try the massage next time we get some time together.
Would a board game help? Rolling dice, moving counters, answering trivia? We used to do that regularly before dd2 was born and it's easy to overlook how good these little activities are in maintaining a healthy mind.

Glad to hear even my inexperienced input was a help to you.

Just wanted to add that there's nothing like walking a big fell in the middle of winter, the wind searing your face and your body flushed with exhaustion, to make you value the preciousness, strength and power in your own body.

And I know self-harm is about deeper issues, and there are more immediate and more long-term needs but from a sensory point of view nothing beats a good hike!