Hi everyone, this my way from searching and looking for happiness in my life.
I have always been really sensitive person, I easily got hurt.
Grow up with people around always complaining, all the topics talked about was gossip or something negative in their lifes.
I was the same as them.
I complained and complained about my horrible life, unhappiness, how life is not fair.
Always cried and waited for others to rescue me.
Do you know that feeling deep inside of you when you have to make decisions and you know that feeling is the right way? But at the end you reject it because you are to afraid then you take the easy way in the end?
Thats what i was doing.
I choose the easy way instead of the right way. I choose everything else, but not my true deep feelings which know what is the right thing to do.
I choose what others wanted to hear, feel and do instead of what I wanted.
After two children born at the same year, and a relationship that is failing i was exhausted. Mentally and physically.
I cried every day, every day I asked myself why is this happening to me? What did i do to deserve this pain?
I was truly depressed and I haven’t even realised it yet. I was lucky i had my health visitor around who noticed my struggle and was there to help. I was lucky i had a volunteer who was coming every monday to help entertain my children for 2 hours so i can do things around the house.
But the greatest thing my volunteer gave me was her wisdom.
She showed me life is not only about pain and suffering, but also about self growth, about acceptance and finding the small positives in the pile of negativity.
I tell you one example.
I just bought a car, was driving it home for 3 hours and everything was perfect with it.
The next day i took my kids and myself and i said lets go to the shop. I was exited gona drive again and first tike having my kids with me while driving. 2 minutes on the way, i took a turn to the right to turn on the street, suddenly the car broke down in the middle of the road. I panicked in fear. I have my kids with me the first time and this is what happens? Just both the car yesterday!
Luckily i was making the turn so haven’t been driving fast. One gentleman run to help me out and we pushed the car aside.
I went home which was 10 minutes walk with kids and i felt my whole day is ruined.
I cried, i felt depressed again and was so angry why is this happening to me? Why is universe doing this to me? Just both that car yesterday, all that money and its all gone.
I was thinking of the worst scenario that the car is dead and thats it.
Evening came and I asked myself? What is the positive in this negative experience?
My children and me weren’t harmed.
It happened exactly when it supposed to happen. If i drive 50 miles per hour we could be hurt or worse dead. If its happened the day before when im on motor way my children would be without a mother!
I said, THANK YOU GOD! Thank you im still alive! Im greatfull it happened on that moment and not a day before! Im greatful im still here and my children and we weren’t harmed!
I turned the negative to positive.
Bear in mind im not doing well financially and that car was one of the ways to earn more money to have a better job.
For long I didn’t know what I wanted from life, for long i had no idea what is that I really want to do with my life.
I finally give in to my deepest feelings, where deep inside you know what is the right think to do, when you know what is the right thing for you. For me is to help others.
At the moment im just on the begging of my journey to be the person who can help others. It took long time to even get here.
I decided i will be a nurse, for children and i will seek a place where i am most needed.
If i make a difference just in one person life i already fulfilled my calling and i will just continue afterwards.
Self growth, acceptance, realisation, forgiveness, and truly admitting your mistakes and lear from them, admitting your fault and take responsibility for the choices you make will help you to be a better person.
Will hep you to grow and find the happiness you looking for.
Anger, hate, arguments, denial will just delay all the great things you are meant to do.
Everything that is happening in your life, every hardship every pain and suffering was meant to happen for you to learn who you really are and it was there to embrace it and learn from it.
Everything that has had happened or happening in your life believe that you can pass it! Believe you can do it.
Believe that Universe, or God or whoever you believe in or whatever you believe in would not put the challenges in your way if you wouldn’t be able to learn from it, pass it or go through it and be the winner on the other side.
I do believe every person in this world has a meaning, the true calling and we just need to listen to ourselves to find it.
This is how i pass throughout my hardships and pain and my depression.
This is how i choose my own happiness and me taking back the control over my life. I have still long way to do go.
But if only one person i can help i will be happy and fulfilling my meaning of my life 😊