Please tell me this feeling will go away :(

[Vampyhooch]

Hi

I hope someone can relate.

I’ve been through a lot of anxiety and stress over the last year especially since lockdown.
I am now depressed too but also suffering from depersonalisation as a result of the anxiety.

I just feel so emotionally numb and flat. Like I don’t feel any emotional connection to my surroundings or my family. I know I love them but I can’t feel it right now. I feel like a stranger. Can anyone else relate to this? It’s making me so upset. Is it part of the anxiety and depression?

Just everything feels so surreal at the moment

Hi! I can relate entirely and I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Unfortunately, I have found that this is a long term issue for me (which probably isn't the right thing to be telling you right now, I'm sorry.) I do however know of friend's who only temporarily struggled with depression and anxiety so it really is completely different for everyone.

Are you seeing a health professional or taking any medication currently? I was on Sertraline for a year after the birth of my DS and it helped me keep my head above water at a really difficult time. I'm now off of Sertraline and have periods of okay and periods of not so great, but overall life is manageable. I am always happy to consider restarting medication if I need it. I tried CBT but unfortunately didn't find it very helpful, but that can work amazingly for some.

Lockdown has been awful for many people's mental health, please know that you are not alone right now.

(sorry, Mumsnet app hates paragraphs!)

You aren't alone!

I have the same, comes and goes but had it since I was 7, I'm 32 now.

When it's bad I take baby steps on self care, if I'm too numb to shower I at least brush my hair and wash my face and bits.

I buy easy picky food if I can't face cooking, it's shit but it's food!

I put my phone on do not disturb so I'm not opening messages to just forget to reply they will come through later.

I put on music or a film I know will trigger a cry, I sometimes feel better after a good cry which when numb you can't do.

And try to sleep, you make seritonin duri g REM sleep.

But it does ease off, but in the mean time look after you!

Please feel free to message me if you ever need too

@TheVeryHungryTortoise

Hi! I can relate entirely and I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Unfortunately, I have found that this is a long term issue for me (which probably isn't the right thing to be telling you right now, I'm sorry.) I do however know of friend's who only temporarily struggled with depression and anxiety so it really is completely different for everyone.

Are you seeing a health professional or taking any medication currently? I was on Sertraline for a year after the birth of my DS and it helped me keep my head above water at a really difficult time. I'm now off of Sertraline and have periods of okay and periods of not so great, but overall life is manageable. I am always happy to consider restarting medication if I need it. I tried CBT but unfortunately didn't find it very helpful, but that can work amazingly for some.

Lockdown has been awful for many people's mental health, please know that you are not alone right now.

Hiya

Thanks for replying. Not on meds currently. Docs are thinking of starting me on some antidepressants but they need to speak to cardiology first as I suffer with irregular heartbeat at times so it’s just a waiting game now.

It’s so lonely & isolating this feeling. I have my family around me but it feels like there is a pain of glass between me and them it feels like I can’t emotionally connect to them anymore. :(

@MoominKitty

You aren't alone!

I have the same, comes and goes but had it since I was 7, I'm 32 now.

When it's bad I take baby steps on self care, if I'm too numb to shower I at least brush my hair and wash my face and bits.

I buy easy picky food if I can't face cooking, it's shit but it's food!

I put my phone on do not disturb so I'm not opening messages to just forget to reply they will come through later.

I put on music or a film I know will trigger a cry, I sometimes feel better after a good cry which when numb you can't do.

And try to sleep, you make seritonin duri g REM sleep.

But it does ease off, but in the mean time look after you!

Please feel free to message me if you ever need too

Thank you! It’s good to know I’m not alone. It can feel so horrible to feel alone and unconnected when your in a room full of your favourite people :( feel like such a crap partner and mum at the moment. Feel like I’ve lost myself lost my whole personality and worried it won’t come back :(

I will try the music I can’t really concentrate on tv at the moment either x

@Vampyhooch it's horrible I know and sooooo hard to se the end, but I promise it does ease!

I sometimes take citilapram, stopped when pregnant and not gone back on as yet, but they work when I'm super bad, helps me focus if that makes sense xx

Hi I've also turned into some sort of anxious lonely numb person. Not sure how to find my happiness again. I can't remember life before. I just feel I've been living in one long blur of crappy empty days. I've had nothing but children for company. I've not relaxed. You would think having all this spare time would be energising and positive. But it's just made me feel I can't function and I've totally lost myself.

I'm feeling really sad tonight. I can't believe this is how I feel. I used to be happy and look forward to simple things like EastEnders and a cuppa. Now I just sit here wanting bedtime so I can escape.

@Melonslicexx

Hi I've also turned into some sort of anxious lonely numb person. Not sure how to find my happiness again. I can't remember life before. I just feel I've been living in one long blur of crappy empty days. I've had nothing but children for company. I've not relaxed. You would think having all this spare time would be energising and positive. But it's just made me feel I can't function and I've totally lost myself.

I'm feeling really sad tonight. I can't believe this is how I feel. I used to be happy and look forward to simple things like EastEnders and a cuppa. Now I just sit here wanting bedtime so I can escape.

Sorry to hear your going through this too but thanks for replying. It helps me in a way so I know I’m not the only one feeling like this. I can’t remember much either, if someone said to me what did you do two weeks ago or a couple of days ago I wouldn’t be able to say. All the days just seem a blur too. I’ve lost all motivation to do anything as it all feels pointless now.

The thing that hurts the most is the lack of connection to the family. Just feeling really detached and flat. It’s awful.

I know how you feel I used to enjoy the little things too and now it just feels like a countdown for bed to do the same thing again the next day :(

Do you think it's because you want peace and quiet? I just need a break. My kid D's never stop. My oldest is a chatterbox. I sit there sometimes thinking in my head "please just friggin shut up" because I just don't want to listen.

I think I need a day in bed free to watch Netflix and sleep when I please. I need someone to clean my house.

It's literally been shite since march hasn't it???

First the kids loose school, friends, activities and family.

We all lost our days out, our social lives. We were limited to excercise. The rest it was home and the garden.

Shopping became a fight. No slots. Can't take the kids shopping. No pasta available. We love pasta in this house. All my kids favourite cereals were out of stock. The shopping went up in price because we had to pay out for expensive brands too eat.

Then the house has gone to pot. The kids wreck it. I sometimes sit on the sofa thinking I just don't know where to start! Everyday I wash up, do the washing, hoover etc. Yet we still look ferral.

I've not been the best mum at all in lockdown. I have kids at totally different stages. I have to leave one to it to play or work with the other. They never sleep. Its boring and mind numbing.

Then now we can go out abit again I'm lost! I've got no energy. I'm anxious. I worry and just want to hide at home or walk on good days.

You are definitely not alone. 2020 has been horrendous for everyone.

@Melonslicexx

Do you think it's because you want peace and quiet? I just need a break. My kid D's never stop. My oldest is a chatterbox. I sit there sometimes thinking in my head "please just friggin shut up" because I just don't want to listen.

I think I need a day in bed free to watch Netflix and sleep when I please. I need someone to clean my house.

It's literally been shite since march hasn't it???

First the kids loose school, friends, activities and family.

We all lost our days out, our social lives. We were limited to excercise. The rest it was home and the garden.

Shopping became a fight. No slots. Can't take the kids shopping. No pasta available. We love pasta in this house. All my kids favourite cereals were out of stock. The shopping went up in price because we had to pay out for expensive brands too eat.

Then the house has gone to pot. The kids wreck it. I sometimes sit on the sofa thinking I just don't know where to start! Everyday I wash up, do the washing, hoover etc. Yet we still look ferral.

I've not been the best mum at all in lockdown. I have kids at totally different stages. I have to leave one to it to play or work with the other. They never sleep. Its boring and mind numbing.

Then now we can go out abit again I'm lost! I've got no energy. I'm anxious. I worry and just want to hide at home or walk on good days.

You are definitely not alone. 2020 has been horrendous for everyone.

It could be. I absolutely adore the kids with all that I am they are my world but I also need my space too. My eldest two used to be in school and my youngest used to go to playgroup for a couple of hours a morning. But even that couple of hours just me time was enough to keep me sane. I could sit and go and have a cuppa in a cafe even on my own or go and browse a couple of shops or even just sit at home and watch something I wanted to watch.

Now it’s just an extremely long day for everyone. I’ve been homeschooling them through the pandemic and that’s been challenging. My youngest is 3 aswell so needs more attention (she’s in the middle of being toilet trained) and she constantly distracts her brothers when we are trying to do their work. Kids eh :) how old are yours?

Before life used to be so busy. Pick them up from school etc and take them to after school clubs and stuff it just used to fill the day up. Now it’s the same mind numbing stuff all day and each day seems to drag. Each day feels like a week.

At the beginning I was quite positive... we were baking doing crafts going for forest walks etc and now even the kids are bored of that aswell as me.

Yeah I know how you feel. The lockdown has got me so anxious and depressed that even going out now doesn’t feel the same as it did before. Just makes you feel a bit trapped doesn’t it?

I find I’ve been drinking more aswell as I can’t sleep properly so it kinda helps me drift off eventually.

You sound like you have burn out. Which is probably what's wrong with me.

I had more energy on a busy school week. Now I don't think I could do one school run. Mine are 5 and 2.5.

The effort to leave the house in lockdown is getting more and more draining. It takes a good hour before we can go.

I also started of positive. New pens. New paper. Sat at the table with the work sheets printed out. My oh was all for keeping the toddler out the way. But it never happened. Suddenly his work got busy and he was like sorry I can't now. It's not his fault. But I feel annoyed that I can't make sure my child's at the best level possible for year one. She got off to a slow start as it is. How old are your children?

I think we all just need our lives back as they were. But its so hard when you wake up feeling sad, sickly and drained. It's hard to motivate yourself. I just want to wake up fresh and energised.

I think the government have messed us all up. I know they needed to do something. But theres no support for all the parents over the country that have lost jobs. Have gotten depressed and anxious and cant cope.

I always remember when I did home care. I looked after a 39 year old who had stayed in his room for 2 years with depression. Forgot to walk and everything. I guess even after three months of being cut off from 90% of your life but being stuck with little people 110% of the time is going to make your thought patterns and energy levels change. I'm gutted my head has gone to this place. I wish it could have been a fun filled summer with my kids. Lots of movie nights and walks. But life's not like that is it 😔

I've just seen your children's ages. Sorry. Potty training is hard. I've not even started because my son seems abit slower than my daughter was. He's still quite baby like xd

I can relate too. I've been feeling much like you describe, starting off positive in March and now feeling anxious and sad all the time.
I've been avoiding music or even any radio programmes which might make me feel emotional because I feel like I don't want to cry, but maybe I should try that.
I've been lucky in a way as I work at a mail order company that I can walk to. I've been working every afternoon, but then worrying about what my son is doing during that time. He's in year 8 and has homework, but I haven't been supporting him enough, or giving him enough boundaries.
I have a phone appointment with the doctor on Tuesday.

Have you considered talking therapy OP? I didn't find them very useful, but I know friends who felt much better after a course of CBT or counselling. Waiting lists tend to be pretty long everywhere so may be worth tagging onto a list and seeing if you want to try it further down the line. Is there anyone at all that could have your kids for a little while once a week so that you could do something (anything!) that you enjoy? My 2 year old is bloody exhausting and there's no shame in taking a break every now and then!

This is me right now :( it’s so bad I’ve completely lost my identity and it’s damaging the bond with my son. I know get intrusive, obsessive thoughts and even regret having him because he deserves a great mum not me who can’t even get her shit together! I’ve never felt so low than in the last week