I want to explain my feelings- scared social services will get involved

[Cat112344]

When I was a teenager up until the age of around 18 I was very up and down, mood swings really bad.. I couldn’t control my anger and has suspected BPD, was referred for counselling but absolutely refused to go after a few sessions. I calmed down a lot especially when I had my children. I love them so much, but I’m starting to feel different again. My mood changes within a few hours- I can wake up extremely happy and ready to tackle anything, something minor happens and I get so upset and depressed. I’ve found myself recently being so paranoid of everything, accusing people of lying to me with no real proof and In there words overreacting about minor things. Sometimes I just feel so god damn irritated and pissed off I get withdrawn and in myself. Over the past few months I’ll admit and I don’t know why but I’ve been reckless with spending and I’ve been eating loads. I also keep having mad ideas that I’ll follow through with for anything from a few days to a few weeks then stop with no reason but I go back into a depressive like state. I’ve writ half a book in two weeks as my brain was completely racing, today I deleted the whole thing as I just can’t be bothered to follow through. I applied for uni a few months ago and for a couple of months I studied like mad about law (I wasn’t even on the course yet!) and then I just stopped. My mind either races or is blank at the moment. I don’t have suicidal or harmful thoughts, I just feel empty sometimes. My self esteem often varies a lot. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I can’t stand what I see and I’ll avoid it for days, then days like yesterday I tried on 3 dresses and took numerous pictures of my bum (sorry tmi). I just keep switching recently. Now a few months ago I found out my ex cheated and Since then it’s spiked bad. I don’t trust anyone I’m very anxious and I find myself obsessing over things. I had a period when I felt completely normal and now I just feel as if I’m regressing:( my kids are my absolute world and I’m so worried that if I go to the doctors with these problems social services will get involved and that will cause way more anxiety etc. Please any advice

Hi. I have been really struggling with lockdown. Anxious. Worried. Unrelaxed. Irritated. Can't sleep. Knot in my stomach. Can't concentrate.

I have never suffered at all with my mental health. So if I can feel this bad then I can imagine it's even harder for people who have history of feelings like this.

I think we are all suffering. The government got us all to stay home. Yes it's for our health. even though the virus is still about they are trying to get us into a new "routine" and expecting us to get back out there. But it feels with no build up.

I don't even know what to do anymore. I don't know how to feel normal again so how do I function.

I have children too and love them so much. But I feel like I need looking after myself. I am emotionally and mentally drained. I'm sad. All the stress as mums we have been through.

I also get that you do stuff when you have energy and then crash. It's frustrating isn't it. I think it's because our minds have been in stressed mode for too long.

@Melonslicexx

Hi. I have been really struggling with lockdown. Anxious. Worried. Unrelaxed. Irritated. Can't sleep. Knot in my stomach. Can't concentrate.

I have never suffered at all with my mental health. So if I can feel this bad then I can imagine it's even harder for people who have history of feelings like this.

I think we are all suffering. The government got us all to stay home. Yes it's for our health. even though the virus is still about they are trying to get us into a new "routine" and expecting us to get back out there. But it feels with no build up.

I don't even know what to do anymore. I don't know how to feel normal again so how do I function.

I have children too and love them so much. But I feel like I need looking after myself. I am emotionally and mentally drained. I'm sad. All the stress as mums we have been through.

I also get that you do stuff when you have energy and then crash. It's frustrating isn't it. I think it's because our minds have been in stressed mode for too long.

I can sooooo relate to this

@Cat112344 this all sounds really distressing, and really difficult to deal with.

I know it must be hard, but you must get help. Social services aren't going to take your kids just because you're having mental health issues (they never took mine, anyway!). At the heart of it, i think when you're like this you're not being the best parent you can be. You will feel so, so much better once you work out what's going on in your head, and how to handle it.

How was your relationship With you father as a teenager ?

I love how you express your feelings, you are very self aware which is a great start

My father is a lovely man, Ive had a very healthy relationship with both of my parents growing up and I still do now x