Feeling like my life is completely pointless

[Flowersinthewindowstill]

I think I've been getting steadily more depressed throughout the lockdown. I'm actually considering getting help/therapy for the first time in my life and emailed my local 'Mind' today. I'm just finding life really effortful. I've not had a great run as I moved back to London for what I thought was my dream job, but as the most junior at the company, I was working about 20 hours a week unpaid overtime, had a female boss who bullied me and after all my effort I didn't pass probation (a fairly common thing in this industry, but still a blow to my confidence.) I got another job straight away temping but then got furloughed due to the office closing. Now my furlough has ended. My time at the first job was horrid but it was the kind of role that pushed me and it massively increased my social and professional confidence. Throughout the lockdown I was pretty isolated, seem to have lost all my confidence and literally can't find joy in anything. I saw my DP for the first time in four months at the weekend and didn't even enjoy that as much as I'd imagined. But now he's left again I feel very low and tearful. I think after having company for the whole weekend to go back to a silent flat just feels hard.

Everything I used to enjoy - films, reading, going out, all just feels a bit flat now. I don't think a single day has gone by during lockdown that I haven't had a drink - normally several. I'm job hunting again now but struggling to drum up the enthusiasm even though I desperately need a job. I was hoping that as things resumed I'd start to feel more positive but I'm really struggling. I've also gained over a stone and feel unattractive. Weirdly when my professional life was horrid I felt much happier in my personal life and really treasured my alone time. I can't seem to get the balance right!

Is this a serious issue I should pursue professionally or are a lot of people feeling like this at the moment. I've never suffered from severe depression before, but I've noticed my anxiety levels have skyrocketed in combination with the 'flat' feeling.

I’m feeling the exact same! Never felt as low as this in my entire life. Fed up of the same stuff everyday.

Bored of all the usual stuff and longing for pre lockdown life when I just seemed to happily float through life. I’ve actually contacted my doc about antidepressants as I can’t cope with feeling like this everyday!

Your not alone in how your feeling & I’m sure many others are feeling the same

I have depression but it’s down to having had a serious health scare last year and all that entailed.
If you feel your depression is severe you may find that it won’t go away even if things return to normal. Have you spoken to your GP? It maybe worth having a chat about how you’re feeling and decide whether some counselling would be helpful. Alternatively to help lift you out of the slump you’re in you may find an antidepressant would help.
It sounds like you’ve had a lot to deal with recently with your job and it’s very likely that’s added to how you’re feeling. Your description of everything feeling flat is exactly how I feel. I spend my time trying to be as busy as I can, I plan things to do (as much as I can at the min), like a day at the coast last week but it’s just something I did, almost like a job that has to be done rather than an enjoyable day out. Some days are better than others and at times feels like I’m in a grey cloud. I am talking to a counsellor which is helping but going to take some time.
I hope you find some help soon xx

I feel exactly the same. I'm not worried about catching coronavirus. But I'm getting so unconfident and and worried about things going back to "normal" in September and I'm supposed to just bounce out the house and take my child to school again. I feel like I can't even imagine a day out. How the hell would I manage a full day out?

I feel sleepy
Lazy
Lonely yet I can't be bothered.
I feel my digestive system is always abit off.
I often feel sad.
I've had anxiety in the night that's left me awake for hours.
I feel like a rubbish mum
I feel like a rubbish partner.
I think the world will be full of people like us. But i feel everyone around me is plodding on.

I've also had a nasty boss in the past. It's horrible and hard to deal with. I felt so Ill when I worked under her. I quit in the end. It's not fair when a bully ruins your life. She stopped me becoming a dispenser in a pharmacy. She was such a cow to Me. I quite half way through training.