Wasting my life away

[Lonelylockdown22]

Have had mental health problems for ten years with only very small periods of happiness. Have tried ten different kinds of medication, eight different types of therapy and still I never seem to shift my depression. A family member said to me today "do you think this can be cured or maybe its just how you are as a person?" I feel absolutely awful. Absolutely nothing brings me any happiness. Had a letter through for my next psychiatry appointment and that's how my life is, just waiting for the next appointment. I'm the black sheep of the family, everyone else living their lives, getting married, promoted, having children, buying houses and I'm just stuck. I feel in such immense pain constantly. I'm not sure why I'm posting here but I don't know who to talk to. I don't want to kill myself because I'm too scared of the pain and I know a few people would be sad but if this is how my life is going to be, I really can't face many more years of this. I'd love to just quietly slip away.

Please someone reply

OP I’m sad to hear how frustrated you are. Comparing yourself to others will only make you feel worse until you recognise that there’s always somebody in a worse situation than you. How about picking something, anything that you’ve always wanted to try and giving it a shot. Choose something that nobody else in your family does. Then you can’t compare and they can’t compare... and you might just find yourself happy to be doing your own activity well! Examples: the couch to 5k running app is really achievable. You need a decent pair of running shoes and an app On your phone but that’s it. How about trying to blog about your concerns and fears and how you try to overcome them one at a time? You might find a lot of support that way. Or make something, do something kind for a vulnerable neighbour, just sit down with a piece of paper and list what you’d like to achieve in the next year. Then try to make just one of those things happen. I feel for you. But the first step towards feeling a bit better is yours to take. Good luck and remember that you’re not alone. You have Mumsnet here to encourage your ideas. What’s your first one? 💖

I’m similar with anxiety - I’ve tried so many medications and treatments, have paid privately for some and spent a fortune, yet I still struggle. I know how frustrating it is, and it is so easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others.

Definitely try and find something you can achieve that your family haven’t - you’ll feel so proud that you’ve achieved it, and even more so that it can’t be compared by them. Ultimately though, you have to stop comparing yourself, which I know isn’t easy as I do it.

Do you work? Do you have any hobbies? Big hugs.

Hey, I couldn't read and not reply. I can't imagine why this would be just how you as a person - I'm assuming you're older than ten, so you've had a lot of years without mental health issues, and even in those ten years you've had periods of happiness. There's no reason why you can't get back to that. It's clearly not going to be easy, but keep on persevering with the therapy. Hugs.

Also, have a think about if this one interaction with your family is representative, because that one example doesn't make them sound very supportive. Whatever they are doing in their lives, I'll bet most of them aren't having to fight their own demons at the same time. Make sure you give yourself some credit for that, because you've stronger than you know.

I wish I could give you some advice that would fix all this straight away. In the absence of that - more hugs.

I’m so sorry that your relative made such a horrible remark, @Lonelylockdown22. Can you imagine them saying that to someone with another long-term condition, such as rheumatoid arthritis? I doubt it.
I’ve also had MH problems for years, and also not got very far with treatment. It’s so hard and draining, and I also would love to just slip away much of the time.
I don’t have much comfort to offer, but do keep talking here?

(I’m sure the pp is well-meaning, but I don’t think those are appropriate suggestions for someone with long-term, resistant depression. You may well be able to take up some of them at some point, but don’t feel put off if they sound like Everest right now.)

I struggle too and my family are equally dismissive or just not interested. I have a good circle of friends though and they are the people I turn to. You can't change other people but you can replace the negative people in your life. Break things down to tiny goals .. get up, get dressed, go out somewhere and congratulate yourself on every tiny thing you do, keep a journal and try to write positive things on it if you can - sometimes I don't write anything for weeks and that's ok too. Talk to people if you have any ... if not just keep posting in here. You are not along ... in fact most of the UK feels pretty much the same at the minute

I can relate. This lockdown and the way we are all just supposed to think it is great doesn't help. Perhaps aim to try and go away somewhere new when restrictions lift if they ever do? May help.

Just wondering how you’re doing now, @Lonelylockdown22... 💜

Thank you so much for posting @SparklingLime I'm doing okay, I'm so up and down! I've been working loads this week and I find I'm so much better when I'm busy.

This is probably a really stupid question, but do you know why you are so unhappy? You say nothing gives you happiness. If you could wave a magic wand, could you imagine what it would be to be happy?

Sorry to hear you're low op. Depression runs in my family, my dad has it, my younger brother took his own life at 31, my 12 year old daughter tells me that she is depressed. It's a horrible illness, I hope you get the right meds to help you. I take fluoxetine and they work for me. Have you tried looking into a light box for an hour or so a day? They are supposed to help. I also recommend mindfulness and meditation. Read erkhart tolles books and listen to the podcast he has with Oprah Winfrey. You are not the person who's life you inhabit so don't worry about achieving or not achieving, you are only alive in this moment, everything else does not exist.

I’m really glad you’re doing better at the moment, @Lonelylockdown22. I find just the right amount of busyness helpful, too much and I get overwhelmed, too little and it all goes down the plug.

Lamotrigine as a mood stabiliser has helped me a lot. I still get down and anxious, but not to the point where I’m in the pits of despair. I still need some therapy as I have negative thoughts and anxieties that really impact on my life... but I’m now at the point I feel strong enough to face it.

It sounds as though you are feeling a lot of “pressure”, maybe your family is putting this on you, maybe you’re putting it on yourself, or a bit of both. It is hard to be happy when you are constantly comparing yourself to others, trying to live up to their expectations, etc... I speak from personal experience.

One thing that I’ve found helps me is to basically ignore all the advice as to what I “should” be doing to make myself feel better. I’ll do whatever gets me through the day, thank you very much... and if that involves me staying in bed for two weeks and watching back-to-back episodes of House MD, then so be it.

(Having said that, it’s not so easy now I’m married, as I have responsibilities and it’s much harder to do whatever the fuck I want all the time!)

But honestly I have lost count of the times I’ve let people convince me to go on a night out as “it will cheer me up”. Fuck that. It’s only ever worsened my anxiety, social awkwardness and feelings of inadequacy. I now don’t do anything that I know will make me feel worse ... and that includes talking to certain friends, the ones who just make me feel bad, whether it’s their “fault” or not. I feel better not having them in my life. It means I compare myself to them less. I focus on the friends I can relate to more. The ones who have problems too. It makes me feel less “alone”.

People - especially those close to you - will often say stupid/hurtful/ignorant/infuriating things... and really, it’s often because they don’t know any better. My mum is the worst for that... some of her comments have cut me so deep. But I know she loves me and means well. She has her own set of issues that colour her views on things and influence her behaviour. It’s the same for everyone.

You can try until you’re blue in the face to make people understand... just don’t expect them to. Even those who have been through a similar thing and who should be empathetic. Even those who love you the most.

If you can try to forgive their ignorance, and focus more on the fact that their comments usually come from a caring place, you may find it hurts less.

Just sharing a few thoughts, I hope you can take something from my ramblings... all the best to you. X

Bad day today. Have just taken 2 sleeping pills so I can hopefully go back to sleep.