Im so frazzled think Im going to explode , please talk with me

[melsy]

Im at my wits end , Im exhausted , drained and cant take much more. No one around to help, schools closed due to holidays and everyone's doing other things. Ive tried to book a spiritual retreat and they're all booked , Ive phoned 4 this mronoinr that looked my cup pf tea. Im desperate, Im having very dark thoughts and frankly Im worried for my mental health if I dont get some time to be alone for a few days.

we are all here in our pjs and I dont know how to get through the day, Ive got so worked up in to knots, I even balled my eyes out at my spiritual class last night,(soemere I normally energise and get excited). One of the very knowing women came to me and said she was even worried for my health , she wouldn't say what she was picking up on through.

I dont know how to get through the day , with washing up , cooking , nappies etc. Im screaming inside , its like groundhog day here. If anyone's seen my threads on whats been going on , they'll know how crazy its been. On top of which things havent been good with dh , and things to do with my business have been very messy too.

if it wasnt for spell checker then u woldnt have been ble to read any of this.

I dont normally plea to talk , but I feel im going crazy inside .

oh good, you are being dragged kicking and screaming back into "real life"

I know , now I must be really mad. Can someone else take them and let me stay in bed all day with chocs and a dvd ! I feel knackered just thinking about it!

.

Result!

We'll be prodding you with virtual pitchforks to get you out on that London trip.

soooooooooooooo to make it just that little bit better , all this bloody crazyness happened during the night.

I now have to dress us all and look happy and head into town with 6 children, please send me some strength and say to someone to make it smooth running. My head is bangning and Id rather hide in my room in the dark.

melsy all this will stop yes
it will end and although they all seem insurmountable they are not

I too am going through a very hard time and too tooo much happeneing and too big for me to cope with
I am finding that i am just kind of 'letting it roll' only coping with what and who I can cope with
people are commenting on how teerrible i look but i am over that..I am just thinking - live one day at a time - look after my children as best i can and just let the rest roll
I am not even letting myself 'feel'
this might not sound too healthy but when things get really tough it is a survival mechanism

things like the car are pita but almost laughable
try to think like that
positive thinking sounds a cliche but it helps. look at your gorgeous baby girl!
what are you going to do now?

come down and see me in devon i'll take you and my kids to the coast you need the freah air and a hug. can i do anything 4 u?

Just checking in to see how you are, Melsy. xx

hi coppertop thanks for asking after me. Im a mess BIG time.

Im all confused really, but mainly as I have a thread going on under a diff name linked to all this and Ive very nearly outed myself.

If I say what's been going on , ill basically just give it all away. Im hiding behind a different name as its all so shameful and embarrassing, but I cant seem to keep both threads going at the same time now. but I dont really want to come out on it either aaaaaaaarggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh.

Ive had a homestart volunteer here for 6mhts now and her manager came to me yesterday morning to say that they cant help me any more and have to refer me back to my HV for professional help (and something else , but thatll really give me away). I mentioned CBT to the homestart women and she discussed it with the HV.

Ive been a state ever since ,as I spoke to the HV and she feels I need the gp asap. The HV said there is a group session now in my borough, but I can only access this through my GP , who no doubt will want to just give me pills .

I havent made that call yet.

Have to do school run now and pretend Im perfectly fine and dandy the rest of the day to some school mums.

was good to be out all day today , although very frenetic, Im blardy knacked now (felt quite numb all day) and have to go out for dinner with dh for his birthday now!

Thank you denbury for the offer, sounds lovely. If I had a spare room and dh didnt mind (hes hates having people stay) , then Id say come here , I can have company then !

Notanotter, sounds like your having a yuck time too, poor you x. You are right and it does help some days to go and have a big squeeezy hug with my 2 girls bless em. It just doesnt take everything away thats going on .

ok Im turning into that women that talks to walls alone.

My parents had to rescue me yesterday late afternoon as I had meltdown in a big way on the kitchen floor. dd2 decided to scream her head off most of the afternoon and nothing I did would placate her, I managed to get some teething powder in , (via dummy), but it did nothing. Poor little one was probably just picking up on my state of mind . Her behaviour just overwhelmed me as she crys and then goes into peircing screams. She wouldnt stay in her chair and 3 times managed to get out and climb on the tray , however many times I put her in she worked her way out. At every step she screams & fights with me ; nappy changing , medicine , feeding ,changing.

I cant have breakfast, do washing , clean , tidy , make calls , she just stands at me shoving and pushing and crying. However many times I cuddle her and sit with her , she wont let me go. Then dd1 starts with I want : water , food , paper , paints ,food ......................

Ive bee asked to soft play later , but I just want to sit in a room with no lights and hide.

Hi Melsey, I had SPD and found it had a big impact, all the worse for being invisible. There is a charity for it: Pelvic Partnership.

I don't know what to say really, apart from why not give the GP a go and see if s/he can point you to some sources of inspiration/friendship/those things which only you know you need.

I hope the soft play outing is helpful.

ahhh thank you another voice in the dark today.

Thankfully the spd isnt to bad now, just niggley, it had mre of an impact for the 1st few months after dd2's birth.

I dont know what it is thats stopping me with the gp , think its just the organising of help for the lo's to get there an then the thought of being given pills and no other help. Although I dont knwo that do I , they may be helpful. Ive just had bad experiences there.

Im pacing my kitchen , cant eat or think , have terrible upset tummy . Dd1 was in hospital all saturday and now off school again see here , I just need to talk and not feel so alone today .