“If my boss fires me/I lose my job, I’ll never be able to find another job and will end my life in dire poverty.”- discuss

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Hi there

I’m currently trying to work through some issues with my mental health, anxiety, catastrophising, spiral thinking etc. One of my main issues seems to be a fear of losing my job and then losing everything with no other options except long term unemployment.

I do not have any feedback at work to suggest this might happen, in general in all jobs I’ve had I’ve got on okay. The only real issue is that I’m working in a bit of a toxic environment, which I feel stuck in but hopefully can change one day- though here starts the negative thinking; I’ll never get anything else, I’m stuck here forever etc.

Anyway to get to the point, it’s been suggested to me that many other people feel like this and hearing others versions of this could be helpful. Especially if anyone has tips for overcoming this etc. I’d be really grateful if you could share, I want to stop creating this misery for myself and live my life more.

Xx

For me it was losing my house ( which absolutely can't happen, for reasons I won't go into).

Therapy made me realise that losing my house wasn't actually the real worry, it was just the hook my brain had chosen to hang a lot of anxiety on. It could have been anything; health anxiety, fear of driving, fear of strangers.

The minute I understood that, the fear of losing my house became an interesting quirk of my brain, not a real thing.

Then I got on with working on the cause of the background anxiety. (peri menopause, stressful job, childhood abuse).

Good luck.

Hi OP

I could have written your message this time last year, I was also going down anxious spirals about losing my job and thinking it would ruin my life, lead to the loss of my home, long-term unemployment, DH leaving me etc etc. It was also a toxic environment and I felt trapped and like no other employer would want me.

At the time, I remember thinking about safety nets helped - as in, what would I actually do if it happened, how bad would it actually be. I wrote it all down, a plan for what I might do. I made a couple of practical changes like updating my LinkedIn and started saving some money. Knowing logically that I had done all I could helped. And then when the spiral started, I could tell myself that I had already come to all possible conclusions and it was time to think of something else. If the thought wouldn't go away, I would tell myself I could read my plan at the weekend, but generally by then I had moved on and didn't need to do it. This let me live my life a bit more.

Fast forward a few months, and I did lose my job (through no fault of my own). I've been unemployed for 3 months through coronavirus and the doom and gloom on the news. Initially, very anxiety inducing
But so far, nothing bad has really happened. Everyone is supportive, I have used my savings and tightened my belt, and I have now managed to find a new job. The reality wasn't anywhere near as bad as I had feared. We are all a lot stronger and more resilient than we often believe. I am sure you would be the same.

Thank you DameCelia, I never considered it like that. I too am being checked for perimenopause. GP being less than sympathetic, though these feelings/fears have been with me for years so preceded the peri symptoms, though made worse by them I think!

Hi RosePlanter

I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your job, but also so good to hear that you found a new job. I feel exactly like you did, no other employer would want me and it is really getting me down.

Like you, I’ve started to save and I’m putting myself forward for anything training that I have access too. It’s still so scary and difficult to not think that I’m going to be ‘unwanted’ and ‘not useful’ for any employer.

Thanks for sharing x

I feel like this often at work and it's a symptom of my anxiety
I have another thread running at the moment which is about my manager calling a 1:1 with me and me absolutely catastrophising things - it's an awful feeling so I totally sympathise
And my work is not toxic and I have had nothing but positive feedback

@NewPage There are no reliable tests for peri menopause, your hormone levels are fluctuating all the time.

If you're in the right age group and having symptoms I would seriously try HRT. There are so many important health benefits from HRT and, before age 65, miniscule risks.
Obviously only if it is right for you and your family medical history.

I’ve had a recent experience which has left me feeling very similar ...

Loved my job, senior position, worked very hard, exceptional results and feedback over several years, well liked etc ... some changes at the very top led to toxicity filtering down and I spoke out about feeling bullied.

I had evidence, lots of it, complex Very unpleasant situation. It ended in me signing a NDA and walking away with a settlement.

This rocked the very bottom of my world. I never imagined I would ever find myself without a job without resigning with something else to go to.

It’s changed so much for me and left me feeling incredibly insecure, like nothing is for longer than today, anything could happen outside of my control and I would be asked to leave again or made redundant, or sacked now I don’t have the two year employment protections.

When I left I applied for minimum wage call centres as I actually believed that’s all I could get ... it’s been 3 months but I now have an amazing new job where I’m learning new skills, people are kind and i feel okay there.

I’ve also turned down 4 other offers, for decent jobs ... I’m still terrified of being unemployable and destitute forever.

Over these last months I’ve saved every penny.. I’ve spent no more than £100 a month in addition to my basic bills (food inc in that 100quid) as what if I’m unemployed for years ...

My mind runs away with me and I’m just so scared as I’ve got another 30 years of my working life.

It’s got so bad for me I’ve seriously planned ending my life as it’s too much to manage.

It’ll be okay, it has to be!

So sorry OP, I just know how hard it is

I have this, it seems to be a PMS symptom for me. It starts of with a big client not paying (happened before and it was stressful but fine) and then we can’t pay school fees andhave to take kids out of school, can’t pay bills and go bankrupt, end up living in a camper van and splitting our time camping in the wilderness and various hippy commune type things (don’t ask why but we know lots of people who’ll take us in and feed us in this fashion in return for a bit of labour) while DH (ex lecturer) homeschools the kids and I make money out of a ridiculous hippy mom blog thing and it’s all good, weird of course but still good. I think I may be a pathological optimist, I can’t even stress spiral properly.

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. It feels better to know that I’m not some kind of strange being who experiences these irrational thoughts. Whilst I am so sorry that you are all going through this/have been through this it is so validating to know that this is in our minds and if we can remember that then it might not quite take the same grip. Though it is extremely hard sometimes to not ‘ believe’ the thoughts and then create a self sabotage etc.

Regards peri menopause, I’m slightly younger, but only by a few years so GP says I need tests. I’m having a pelvic floor test next week (whatever that is), then she suggested bloods on the first day of my next period. Which will be tricky as my periods have been all over the place recently so not sure when will get my end one. Currently they are every two weeks for the last 3 months 😟. What worried me was she said, then after that we can get you on the meds. I am not sure anti depressants are right for hormone in balance, the NICE guidelines suggest not if it is related to peri menopause etc.

Oh @NewPage, I would seriously suggest heading over to the menopause boards, there's an incredibly knowledgeable post 'jinglinghellsbells' or something similar. She/he is a mine of information.
While anti depressant and anti anxiety meds have their place it is crazy to treat a hormone imbalance with them. if it is a hormone imbalance .

Hi Op, I have this problem too. My anxiety is almost always work related, I trick myself into thinking I've made some terrible mistake for which I'm going to get sacked. Brain fixates on it, spiralling and catastrophising.

Usually there is no genuine issue (or nothing that can't be easily fixed) and then once I'm over one worry I move swiftly onto the next. It's exhausting and often completely irrational. No idea what the answer is - wondering about CbT or similar - but I completely relate.

Hi inlimboland

Yes, that’s me exactly. Isn’t it exhausting? I’m just about to start some cbt, will post if it helps at all. Can’t help thinking it must be something in me and whilst my current job is pretty toxic, I need to sort me out before moving on else this will just follow me.

X

Hi OP. I don't know if you've tried it, but I find CBT strategies really helpful for this sort of thinking.

So you might say to yourself: "If my boss fires me/I lose my job, I’ll never be able to find another job and will end my life in dire poverty." And then say, 'this could happen. It has happened to some people, so it is a legitimate concern.
(There's no need to or point in refusing to acknowledge your anxieties. they are real and come from a real concern.'

But then you can say some soothing things to counter that anxiety. Such as:
'But at least I am aware of this possibility, and being aware of danger can help prevent it. It's in my power to do something about it.'
Then you could brainstorm some ideas that could help - not that you have to try them all, just look at the possibilities. eg.
Look for a better paid or more secure job.
Open a savings account.
Research emergency housing procedures and what to do to apply for benefits if you do lose your job, so that you are confident and can act quickly if there is a crisis.
Start a sideline - selling stuff on eBay or Etsy or doing some People Per Hour weekend work. Put all money earned from this into an interest-giving emergency fund.

You could also try rationalising. 'This could happen but equally it might not happen. I can choose whether to feel confident that day by day I am still employed or to feel anxious that any day I might not be. today I choose to feel confident that right now, I am employed.'

Or 'Lots of people are losing their jobs right now, but lots are keeping theirs too. The world still needs workers. There are always openings for carers, cleaners etc - work is available if I need a temporary post, I could get one.'

Or research lots of rags to riches stories. People who had lost everything (Simon Cowell, bankrupt and living back with his mum for example) and how those people picked themselves up and made an even better life than before. It is possible. People have done it and are doing it.

Just add some alternative stories to the one running in a loop in your head. Maybe even write them down, so if you feel it's becoming a really overwhelming anxiety you can read these aloud to yourself as alternative equally valid thoughts.

Crossed with your latest post about CBT. Good luck with it. Doesn't suit everyone but I love it.

@NewPage

Hi inlimboland

Yes, that’s me exactly. Isn’t it exhausting? I’m just about to start some cbt, will post if it helps at all. Can’t help thinking it must be something in me and whilst my current job is pretty toxic, I need to sort me out before moving on else this will just follow me.

X

Yep- it's very draining. I've had it in pretty much all my jobs.

Must be even worse for you being in a toxic environment, my workplace isn't like this and yet I still have these issues, so that must exacerbate it

Hi OP,
I had this such a lot, I was in an unstable career and every time I had to find a new contract my brain told me that I’d never work again.
What finally made me overcome it is that the worst did happen, I lost my job when I was pregnant. It was horrible at the time, but.... then I got a new job and it was all fine. The worst happened, and it was pleasant but I coped. In fact, the worry about it happening was worse than the fact itself.
Agree with the other posters, it helps to feel proactive, update CV and have savings etc, to know that, in reality, you will be ok.
Is part of it to do with your self esteem maybe? A lot of that was my trouble- I always thought that every job I got was a fluke and that I was unemployable (despite there being no evidence to support this).
CBT really is helpful for these sorts of thoughts, as is compassion focused therapy, which helped me get through postnatal depression. It’s like CBT but with more focus on being gentle with yourself, and not beating yourself up for your thoughts. Good luck xx

I’m really hopeful the CBT will help. Part of it scares me too though, almost like facing what the worst could be makes me nervous it will happen. I know that probably sounds silly but it’s part of how I’m feeling.

Anewmum2018, that is EXACTLY how I feel. It so helpful to hear that you made your way through it. I’m sorry you had that experience but how great you got through it and what strength you have. Totally agree about self-esteem,I’m at an all time low. As you, despite there being no evidence etc. Xx