Toilet anxiety destroying my life

[MHisNOTaTREND]

For half of my life I have had an intense fear of being away from use of a toilet.
Car journeys always meant stopping every half an hour to empty an empty bladder.
Right now being 2 minutes away from the use of a toilet sends me into panic. If I am in a building with 1 toilet and it is occupied for even 2 minutes, it causes enough panic, its kept me from leaving the house (before pandemic). My body panics and makes me FEEL like I need to go in an instant. (No Bladder problems) When I was 13/14 I was in school in a 'strict' class, and felt ill suddenly. Hot, and feeling the urge to pee and felt sick. Usually kids wouldnt dare ask this teacher for a toilet pass (because of her nature) so fear grew. So I just left, without asking her... Turns out I had a bladder infection. Since then that panic never left.

I have been told more recently it is OCD. Can anybody relate to this?

You need some therapy, this must be so, so debilitating. How it hasn’t robbed all the joy from your life, I’ve no idea.

I read about this on another Mumsnet thread. It's a recognised MH issue and one you can definitely get help with.

Phone your GP surgery tomorrow. You may also be able to self refer to the local MH team.

In some respects I relate as I have bowel disease and when it's flaring I always need to know where the nearest toilet is. It's wearing and stressful. I've had to throw guests out of my bathroom in the past.

It might help you to really think about what it is you fear. Having a wee accident out and about wouldn't be ideal but if you can make yourself see that it wouldn't be the end of the world (because it really wouldn't) it might allow your anxiety about toilets to subside a little.

I'd also recommend talking openly about your issue to friends. I find the more we try to bury something because we perceive it is abnormal the more it seems to take over.

I have had CBT twice. Multiple councilers, all the medication you could think of, and nothing has really helped. Diazipam is an 'emergency pill' that i keep incase I needed to go to the hospital for me or someone I love, but it isnt a cure to it really. .. to me joy is knowing I can stay indoors and everyone I love is safe, and video games.

@INeedNewShoes During CBT I have tried to think... "oh who cares, worst case senario is I P myself. Or, if it comes to it, I will find a place to P. But when its reality I panic and those thoughts mean nothing

Would it take away the fear if you wore an adult nappy when out for a bit as then you'd know that if the worst came to the worst you could use it? As in reality it's a psychological thing and you don't actually need it you probably wouldn't end up using it. Would that take away the fear or not?

@Aventurine The adult nappy thing has been something I have always said I will never do or be (NO disrespect at all to anybody who needs or uses them). But to add a bit more context, i live with DD and DH, and if one of them spends ages in the bathroom, that triggers panic, even though worst case senario is I can pee in the garden, and no one would know. But its never had to happen but its still there :( I know its sounds really crazy, I just want to feel normal

Have you tried hypnotherapy?
Might work

It sounds like it’d be worth looking into different types of therapy - CBT isn’t for everyone and there are lots of other types out there 💐

I have this too. It started 11 years ago out of no where with a sudden panic to pee. I self diagnosed myself with overactive bladder and I avoid certain foods - has improved the need to go no end. BUT I still panic on the underground/bus/ anywhere where I can't get to a loo quickly if needed. I will go anywhere - Bush, hedge etc the panic to go makes me wanna go. I take diazepam for long journeys. Sorry, no solution for me but omgoodneess I feel your pain/mental stress/anxiety.big hugs xxx

Please have a look at some ACT therapy. This is an OCD type problem and analysing the thoughts through classic CBT won’t help. You need gradual exposure to the anxiety - it’s the anxiety you fear, not the actual needing to go to the toilet.