I want to avoid PND with number 2 due in December

[mixedmama]

Hi all,

Have posted all over MN about various issues with in laws and so forth, so wont bore you with the details.

I have only recently admitted to myself that I had PND with DS1 who will be 22 months when DS2 arrives. Mostly, it stemmed from family problems where all control was taken away from me and DH was not incredibly supportive (altho dont wnat to depict him as a monster as he is lovely, but the issues were mainly with his family, so stuck in the middle).

I ended up going back to work at 4 months as I was desperate for us to move away close to my mum and dad as i felt I needed them closer (only 45 mins and trains available) so not miles or anything. This did mean that I wasnt happy with my childcare and made the whole thing worse.

I cried myself to sleep every single night for a year and was actually physically sick many times when picking DS up. In fact on more than one occasion I actually really just wanted to die.

DH would never entertain my issues as he just believed I was being a bitch with regard to his family.

Well, it all sorted itself out when we finally did move and we now have a fantastic system in place and everything works great for us.

The problem is that now that i am pregnant again I am worried about getting depressed again - nobody in RL knows i had PND, maybe i didnt as I have pretty much self diagnosed and DH has no idea and just feels I was difficult. I am worried about the arguments and conflicts arising again in december when i have this LO and I will get depressed again and am depserate to avoid it all happening again.

does anyone have any suggestions as to how i can work towards making sure i dont go down this road.

Hi MM,

You sound just like me but to bring you up to date my DD2 is now 18 months old and I finally started taking ADs (Setraline) 2 months ago - wow! They have made me feel normal for the first time in 3.5 years.

For me the key was going to see a doctor who was sympathetic and was also willing to look into which ADs are OK with breast feeding as I didn't want to give this up.

You may not get PND this time around but I did and was still in denial for over a year until I realised that my kids and DP were having a shit time of it really.

My advice is to get help sooner rather then later - talk to your MW/GP and be open about your fears. Don't be afraid of ADs either - if you have a headache do you take a painkiller???

Good luck.

TBH I am not sure you can do anything to avoid getting PND as it is a chemical imbalance. It isn't a choice thing, as I am sure you all know. Eating Salmon and bananas are meant to help though.

I had it with dc1 but not dc2 so don't work yourself up into thinking that it is inevitable.

2 suggestions:

1. If you feel at all depressed with dc2 go straight to the GP and see what they can do for you. Do not allow yourself to spiral down into deeper depression.

2. With dc1 I felt trapped and isolated and this fed into the depression. Therefore, with dc2, I made sure that I had a routine which took me out of the house every day and I never deviated from it for about a year. I am not saying that this would prevent pnd but looking at your feelings the last time around and seeing if you can address any of them might help.

Hi mixedmama, I had post natal depression with my first two babies but was OK after my third and fourth. I had a really understanding GP who referred me to their community psychiatric nurse and the Motherhood and Mental Health psychiatric team during my third pregnancy. With the psychiatric nurse we made a plan that she would have contact with me regularly during the pregnancy to see how I was getting on and then came to see me every week after the baby was born until I no longer felt I needed her. The psychiatrists at the hospital also planned for me to start taking antidepressants prophylactically as soon as I gave birth. I found this all made me feel much more secure and more confident about what would happen postnatally.

In the end I took the antidepressants for a month or two before I weaned myself off them - at no time did I feel really depressed and the CPN signed me off around the same time (I was only seeing her once a month or so by then). With my fourth baby I was referred to the psychiatrists again antenatally but declined the offer as I didn't feel it was necessary. I felt a bit low about 3 months postnatally, but had a couple of visits with the CPN which was all I needed. Maybe you could sort something similar out tailored to your needs? I've also heard things about progesterone injections after the birth, but haven't tried this myself.

I dont really want to go down a medication route, and I guess that wont be necessary unless I actually do feel depressed after DS2 is born. the thing is DH has no idea, so dont know how to go about it as i want to let him know that i need more support this time but without it turning into a confrontation about his family and things.

Is there not a way that you can tell DH about how you are feeling without bringing his family up?

Telling my DP about my depression was a big decision and I'm not sure he really understands but he tries!

Just not sure how seriously he will take me now that it is 18 months down the line.

Definately talk to your doctor. I suffered with PND with DD1,and like you no one knew I was suffering. Did everything to mask it, even when HV asked DH how he thought I was, he said fine! I put off having another child for four years because of this fear, but I was given hormone injections straight after birth of DD2 and for five days afterwards. My doctor did say that there was not any reall proof that this could make a difference with everyone but I didn't get PND.
I don't know if I would of without the injections, but my MW came in each day for 5 days and gave me injections in my thigh. Maybe this would benefit you