I'm wasting my life away

[CatRamsey]

I'm so sad. I don't see any point anymore.

It's mainly my weight. I'm 24 and I weigh 15st 10lbs. I'm 5'5. I used to have such a good body but didn't realise it. I'm repulsive and revolting. I don't know anyone else my age who is my size. I feel like everyone I know has managed to stay slim forever apart from me :(

I've read so many threads on here where people say their 20s was when they were their most attractive, and I feel like I should be enjoying my life right now while I'm young and have the chance. But I'm not. Every single day I'm just waiting for the end. Waiting for the day I die.

I've tried everything and just can't do it. So what's the point in living if this is my life forever? I'm embarrassed to be seen in public. Lockdown has made that easier for me but I'm terrified of having to be seen in public again one day. I'm vile and disgusting and rancid. I can only wear leggings and plain tops because nothing else fits or looks nice on me so I've lost all my style and personality. All my confidence has gone and I have 0 friends.

I don't like healthy food, I just don't like the taste. I love junk food and I know I eat badly and exercise makes me angry. So my options are to stay fat and depressed forever or eat disgusting food and exercise which makes me miserable. Neither option sounds worth living to me. The only thing that makes me happy is eating junk food.

I need help but there's nothing I've not tried. GP is useless. I have PCOS too but I know I'm just using that as an excuse.

These are meant to be the good years of my life and I'm wasting them away.

I’m sorry you feel this way.

Has it always been a problem or did something trigger it?

You don’t have to eat ‘healthy’ food to lose weight- what about the 5:2 diet or meal replacement like Slim Fast (I’m not saying it works for everyone) but I’ve done them before, they aren’t that bad once you get used to them.

Btw, lots of overweight people have lots of friends and partners, active social lives. Would you feel less judged if you met more bigger people to socialise with?

Not to be tough on you...

BUT

You are in control of this. 24 is young enough to not really know how to wield the reins of life.

You have created this reality for yourself and you can change it. You're emotionally self harming by calling yourself all those bad names.

You know the links between eating shit and looking like it?

You have more control than you think. What are you going to do with it?

In reality, you will find it easy to lose weight because you're so young. You could learn what proper self love IS because it's an ACTION. A doing thing.

Choose well xxxxxxx you can do it.

Well I logged in (as I rarely do) to let you know that you are not alone in this. I went from size 10 to my current size 18/20 after having my first child and my marriage breaking down. I have felt for the past five years that my body is not my own. It looks and feels horrible, and clothes look awful. I've not managed to be an overweight woman that looks good at any point. My hormones are screwed from overeating and that just makes you want to eat more. Like you, I LOVE junk food and can easily put away 3-4000 calories a day without feeling too bad. So I know how you feel when you say you don't want to diet, but also don't want to stay fat. I feel the same way.

Since January however I have been doing lazy keto on and off, which i know is bad. I have gone from 254lbs to 233lbs and had plenty of cheating in between which I have gradually stopped as I've got more into the swing of the diet.

I'm now moving towards getting back into size 16. The point is not to tell you to go on a diet, which is silly. It's to tell you there is a healthy-ish diet that is also full of food that tastes so good it might as well be junk food. Burgers (without buns), brie, clotted cream on keto scones, sugar free chocolate cake and extra thick double cream, belly pork with oily, salty salad, butter on all your vegetables etc.

If you have a sweet tooth it can be a challenge, especially if like me your cravings are in your head not your body! But if you love fatty food (like me) you will find it easy-ish as it's pretty indulgent apart from the lack of sweeties.

Thank you for your replies. No trigger that started this, just being complacent.

I'm so miserable. I'm panicking because I feel like each day is slowly disappearing and it's another day I've wasted during whats meant to be a great time of my life.

I just feel so done with life now.

Your depressed
Your gp could send you to a dietitian BUT do you want that?

It’s got to come from YOU, nobody is going to magically do it for you.
You can source help if YOU want to ?
Weightwatchers
Keto as OP as mentioned
Or just simply TRY cutting back on
Fast food, choc, biscuits, crisps, cake
I’m NOT saying STOP just cut back.

If you get the depression side of it sorted then you’ll feel in a better state of mind to try something rather than feel hopeless about things and no motivation

It’s like anything
If you have anxiety (I do quite bad) I could just sit in the house because I’m to scared to do/go anywhere, but I try

Sort one thing at a time

I love eating junk food and exercise makes me angry

But then don’t be surprised how you feel about yourself.

It's a vicious circle.
I've been depressed for about 10 years. I've tried different medications, counselling, I've tried everything. I get referred from person to person.
Nothing helps.
Because I'm depressed I eat and put on weight. Because I'm repulsive I get more depressed. I don't know what to do.
Its not just my weight. I hate everything about life. I have no purpose.

Thank you for replying.

Hey I know your feelings.
I'm 5ft5 and 18st
I was incredibly active and slim in my teens up until approximately 16 then I've never been able to keep my weight under control. Like you I also find healthy eating really hard as I don't like the majority of vegetables so it limits what I can eat.
However its important to note a few things... sugar is addictive and most fast food as huge amounts of sugar (its also the biggest factor in weight gain). Sugar can exist in many foods we don't realise, even basic carbs like white bread and pasta. Limiting sugar is hard, and initially food which has low sugar does not taste pleasant as it doesn't have the sweetness you have adjusted to expect. However if you cut sugar out you would be surprised at what foods actually start to taste sweet and how we naturally adjust to find healthy foods taste much more enjoyable. Likewise its about learning how to make "healthy" food interesting and flavourful rather then just seeing it as bland chicken and broccoli. You can make healthy eviquivilants of most fast food products which are much better for you.
Another option is focus on portion size. The more healthy the food is the more of it we can pile on our plates (you could eat brocoli, Spinich, kale till you explode) but its about limiting the things that aren't good for us and not over eating. Over the years I've noticed in the UK as a society we often have HUGE portions of foods that are not good for us!
If your eating a lot of junk, don't snack on junk between meals or find healthier alternatives.

Exercise is soo important. Its bloody hard, I love exercise but struggle to walk due to the pressure on my joints from being over weight, but you gotta bare with it as you lose fat and build strength it gets easier. I find cycling works for me as its bloody difficult but doesn't cause back pain like walking does. But I've also attempted to increase my time walking along side it.

I found a 16:8 diet really helpful for kickstarting my eating habits as it works on only eating for 8 hours a day. I found i didn't have the self control to cut down on eating or resist unhealthy snacking at night, so going cold turkey after 7pm and not eating before 11am has worked really well as I mostly snack on really unhealthy foods in the evenings.

It will be very hard initially, due to the habit, and also due to hunger pangs (I used to have a bowl of cereal at 11pm every night and it kills me as I'm always starving at 11pm) but it gets easier and you will gradually stop feeling ravenous at those times, as your hungry cus you've taught your body to expect the food, rather then needing the substance. It will also be difficult as your blood sugar starts to adjust and correct itself.

But what took me a long time to realise is that my weight and eating habits are my responsibility. No one could change that other then myself. Admittedly I'm on medication that increases hunger and causes weighg gain, but likewise I can't let it continue to control me.

OP you are so young!! Please don't focus on what you'e done. Lots of people hate their early 20s (even if they did feel they looked their best) and it's because of the pressure to be living life to the full. It's also a time full on uncertainty. Please try again to get help.

There is a direct correlation between good diet, exercise, healthy lifestyle and mental health.

I know it's easier said than done, but I would start with exercise - just walking, even if it's just for 5 minutes.

The advice to people with depression is rather overwhelming - exercise, eat well, stop smoking, see friends. IMHE exercise is the one to start with.

Take care

Thank you all for your replies. I will take it all on board.

Start small. Will going to a slimming world group help you? It helps having motivated people around you. Your body deserves to be loved by you- big or small. I'm 12stone now, having been much smaller in my early twenties, but I have bought more clothes that make me feel good at this size, even whilst I try to lose weight I feel like dressing nicely makes me feel better. Nothing fancy- but loose maxidresses with lovely kimonos, Jean's that fit with a floaty top, sparkly sandals etc. Also start taking care of your hair and skin, taking the time to do that can be really relaxing- something like a hot cloth cleanser that you massage into your skin, and maybe a jade face roller to smooth in some serums and creams. Its little things but the more time you spend on yourself can help you value yourself, and get used to looking in the mirror etc.
Healthy food is far from boring- it might be if you literally eat plain chicken, rice and green beans.. but it's all in the flavour. Try different spices - curries made at home can be delicious and healthy, or try roasting vegetables with some bbq style chicken and salad... theres so many choices and you may have to start being strict with not having fast food, but soon it will come as second nature.

And of course you have a purpose. Try taking the pressure off yourself. The main thing we have to do as humans is survive. You are so young- give yourself time to find out what you want to do with your life. It's important to live in the moment whilst making small plans for the future and working your way through them. Even a short list of things you need to do that day can help you feel satisfied when you tick them off. I agree a walk round the block every morning or night come rain or shine is a good starting point. Also try yoga meditation every day- type gentle yin yoga in YouTube, theres lots of choices. I've also seen weightlifting have very good effects on mental health.

How are you feeling, OP?

Hi op. Sorry you feel like this. Place take some comfort in the fact that things can improve for you, but you are the only one able to make changes.

You sound like you're stuck in a rut. You eat badly and don't exercise so you're overweight and miserable. Take baby steps. Get out for a walk once a day for ten minutes. Then build up and go further. Trust me, that exercise alone will begin to make you feel better mentally.

As for the diet, have you looked at slimming world? You can still eat a lot of 'normal' food like pasta, potatoes and even odd junk food. It's just about making tweaks and it really does work. Also having a group could help you feel supported and less isolated. It can be daunting to physically go to a group but at the moment everything is online so you can ease in gently. Have a look for your local rep and get some advice maybe?

There are other things you can do to make yourself feel better and break the cycle of sadness and lethargy. Meditation. Yoga. Good sleep. Talking to friends or family. Reading. Self care (long baths, pampering and things like that). Basically being kind to yourself and nourishing your mind and body. Do you drink? Because alcohol is bad for weight gain and mental health.

Sorry if that seems like a lot to take in but I honestly believe just a few of these things will help you feel better and make gradual improvements. Good luck

I had enough too. I've joined WW and stopped the wine. I'm eating loads and still having a few gins. I've lost 11lb in my first week. There are a few different plans and the points allowance is very generous.

Thank you everyone.

I'm not great really. I hate Sunday nights because its a reminder that another week is starting and nothing has changed. I'm miserable in my job and I don't particularly enjoy WFH, and I'm even less active now because of it. Trying to be strict with myself and get into a routine.
I've done couch to 5k before and I been doing it recently... But just stopped because its either been too hot or too rainy! I really just want a big bar of choc right now. It would make me happy for a bit.

I really am stuck in a rut... Like I'm waiting for a change to just happen. But I know I have to be the one to make the change and I just can't do it. If I could do it I would've done it a long time ago.

I'll have a look at some of your suggestions. Thanks all x

At 24 I was 17 stone, 30 now and 20 stone.

I've suffered with mental health issues since I was 12 and it's only the the last year I've got myself together with the help of dbt.

My advice would be to forget about the weight for a bit and focus on yourself. If you don't love yourself you'll never think you're worthy enough to loose the weight.

A few things that may motivate you:

-slimming world podcast: weekly on a Monday and I think it's nice to listen to

-fill your social media with health and fitness: I find it motivating to see people's transformations

-enjoy cooking food. Books like pinch of non or hairy dieters make normal dishes but lower calorie/healthy alternative

-use the NHS 12 week WeightLoss plan and their online support network

-Lucy Wyndham Read has great videos that only last a few minutes. You may enjoy them and if not, it's only 7 minutes!

Good luck.

Thank you all.

I'm struggling today. Feel fat and disgusting and like no one will ever love me. I'm noticing lately how much my confidence has gone down too. Wish I could be my old self again.

I've read so many threads on here where people say their 20s was when they were their most attractive,

Really? I don't recognise this at all. Maybe some people are more modellike in their twenties but most women I know felt more attractive in tgeir thirties. Around that time most women found their style and lifestyle that suits them most. I looked shit at 24 but pretty classy at 32, although I did have more wr

Pressed sent too soon

Alrhough I did have some wrinkles and the same weight, because of my healthier lifestyle my skin was more glowy and my weight better proportioned due to exercise.

Seriously, you don't have to look your best now, what you need to do is find a healthier lifestyle that makes you feel better. If a walk makes you feel better, go for it! If your mentak health is better when you go to bed at tge same time every night then do it! If you feel healthier, you will gradually start showing it. Take care of how you feel first.

Don't be too hard on yourself OP. I've struggled with my weight too and only consistently got it down when I started running, and kept running, 2-3 times a week.

Is there any healthy food you actually like eating? I like Chinese/Japanese food and the diet chapter in the first Nigella Lawson book has some good ideas as well.