Why am I so angry?

[pinkcarpet]

I wake up feeling tired, body aching, like I've had no rest. The smallest things irritate me and it doesn't take much before I'm full on shouting at DH and DCs. This happens at least once a day. I feel horrible all the time and I know shouting doesn't help me but I have this rage inside me which I have to get out of my system or I'll hurt myself.

I don't know if this is depression, anxiety, what it is. I have had clinical depression before and felt nothing like this. I highly doubt my GP would do anything useful. Not even sure why I'm posting but Maybe if I write it down someone will recognise something and can help me control the rage

I dealt with something similar after the birth of my son. I found myself screaming at the top of my lungs at my husband while my son was breastfeeding, and I had no idea what was wrong with me.

I hope this helps--
motherhoodisaministry.com/postpartum-rage/

I really think you should have a chat with your GP.
It’s not fair on your family or yourself, so you need to do something to change it.
At least make a call.

This is an urgent situation. It's not fair on you, your husband or your children. You need urgent blood tests for thyroid, vitamin deficiency and others. Life doesn't have to feel this bad or out of control. Make an appointment, if they won't see you urgently then at least it's only 4 more weeks of misery for everyone.

@pinkcarpet how are you doing?
I've been going through similar for years, I'm similar aged with 2 young children. I actually hate myself. Im angry, raging, shouting all the time and then cry because I can't control the way I have acted.

@changingjobs, if you feel like this then it's time to reach out for help. Go to gp, get therapy, do something. It's such a horrible way to live when you feel furious at everyone for everything. It's horrible for you and everyone around you and your children will grow up believing it's normal. Don't worry about what pinkcarpet is doing, please get help for yourself. Take care.

Sounds horrible - and also that you are so full of stress so the smallest thing tips you over the edge. This can be a helpful way to think about it:

mentalhealth-uk.org/blog/the-stress-bucket/

Can you afford counselling? Google low cost counselling and your area to see what’s available.

Evening primrose capsules (the 1000 mg) can help with hormonal mood swings if you want a natural remedy. Takes about three months to kick in fully.

And totally minimise what you have to do. If there’s a short-cut, take it. If you don’t have to do something don’t (unless you really want to). Go to bed and listen to a story book together after lunch, eat picnic food rather than cooking, don’t do favours for other people, look after yourself as much as you can.

I felt like this when I had undiagnosed PND - four years after having DS2! Anti-depressants got rid of the rage and it never came back. I remember the relief of waking up and feeling like me again, not as though I had some demon raging inside me that I spent all my energy failing to control.
Definitely worth a short course of something like citalopram or sertraline or Prozac. I wouldn't stay on them for too long (no longer than 6 months to a year) as the side effects are challenging, but for me, Citalopram was an absolute life saver.

If you find out, I'd love to know. I swing between this rage and a flat depression that leaves me suicidal some days. Would be interested to hear if you find anything to help it?