Hi. Wondering if anyone can please help. I’ve never posted here before but desperately need help/advice.
Had a miscarriage November last year. Was very traumatic (4 days hospital stay, 2 blood transfusions etc). Am now 17 weeks pregnant. I don’t have any children so have never been this far along before.
After the miscarriage I struggled with anxiety and depression. Was on 10mg of citalopram for about 3 months. Came off it when I found out I was pregnant again.
I have been anxious the whole way through this pregnancy. Told myself not to get attached this time. Was sure something bad was going to happen (still am in a way even though she looks all healthy atm).
The last few weeks I haven’t been able to stop myself from crying all of the time. Anytime I think of the pregnancy or the baby I get upset and then I feel guilty because I feel like I don’t love her enough. I feel like I’m doing a terrible job of growing her inside me. I’m convinced I’m going to end up causing problems for her. My husband is already besotted with her and so excited. He’s trying to be supportive but I don’t think he understands why I’m so sad all of the time. It’s becoming involuntary- the crying and feeling sick.
I was so desperate to be pregnant and now I feel like I’m just ruining it all or something bad is going to happen because of the state I am in constantly. I should be so happy. She must be having a horrible time in the womb. I am on edge every time I feel a little prang or stretch.
I’ve contacted midwife and gp today. Waiting to hear from them. I really don’t want to go back on antidepressants as I’ve read all sorts. I don’t want that for my little girl but I can’t see how I can go on like I am for another five months.
Has anyone had any experiences like this? I don’t know what to do or who to turn to. I feel like I just cry my way through each day.