Mental breakdown?

[helpamummaout]

Can anyone let me know what a mental breakdown feels like?
I feel I might be creeping up to one. Lockdown with twins and working for the nhs 26 hours a week has really taken its toll over the last few weeks. Starting to really worry about my mental health, I've suffered with depression in the past but what I am feeling now is different.
Would appreciate any replies, thank you

Hi OP. I haven't had a mental breakdown, but my mental health is suffering in lockdown. Have you tried self referring to Talking Therapies? Have you phoned your GP? X

I've been ok up until last week and it all seems to be snowballing now. I have a counsellor calling me through work this week so not sure what will come of that. Haven't spoken to my GP as of yet. Hope you are ok x

When I had my breakdown it happened out of the blue and it's only with hindsight that I could see it was going to happen. At the time it was 'sudden' to me.
I think with the steps you are taking and with an insight to how you are feeling that you won't experience the 'breakdown' as such.
You are going through a period of anxiety and panicking but you are addressing issues. You will have good and bad days but I'd not be worrying about a sudden crash.

Ok that's good to know. I just feel like a volcano is going to erupt inside if me

I often feel panic attacks building.
The key is to recognise it for what it is- a build up of adrenaline, both emotional and physical that has been building up due to stress. It's like a cup overflowing ( if that makes sense) so yes, a volcano effect I suppose - but it's not a breakdown, it's a release. You will be fine if you do erupt. Waiting for 'it' is making you more anxious and you will be going round in a circle.
I'd really like to recommend a book that greatly helps me- 'At Last A Life' Paul David.
I think you may benefit.

In my experience (& sadly I have experience in this) you really DO NOT know you are about to enter a breakdown and you do not recognise it when you are in one. It is only as you come out of it, look back at your actions / interractions and realise you were acting strangely (didn't seem strange at the time) that you realise.
For a total mental breakdown (again, sadly, I have experience) the brain totally shuts down with just a kernal of active brain cells keeping you alive. For me, anti-depressants caused my brain to slowly reanimate - at first the edge between active and non-active brain cells started fizzing and bubbling as those cells started to come back to life.
Unfortunately it took years for my brain to come back to life - I say 'come back to life', certain parts never reactivated and to this day I am left with 'holes' in my brain that are still shut down. Regrettably this has altered my personality AND caused me memory problems.
Of course this is just my own personal experiences. Other people may react differently.

When I felt like I was having a mental breakdown I couldn’t speak, I was crying uncontrollably and could only speak to my baby DTs by singing. It’s the only time I’ve seriously considered calling/going to a&e for my mh. The only reason I didn’t was because I was terrified of SS taking my babies away, so instead I limped through the night and went to the drs first thing the next day.

Whether it was a breakdown or not, it was what it felt like to me, and what I told my gp it was.

Mine was pnd, I’m on ads and the world is so much better now. I’d definitely recommend calling your gp. Look after yourself 💐

I hope you trust your counsellor and can use your sessions to allow the volcano to explode if that's what you need. It sounds like you've been holding down a lot and you are understandably under huge pressure. I don't know if you have other outlets you can use? Writing? Drawing? Any craft stuff that you can do with the kids like messy play etc just to try and express what you currently might be (completely understandably) repressing. Good luck and be exceptionally kind to yourself and try and let stuff out as you can. Lean into your counsellor, nothing will shock them.