OCD intrusive thoughts

[puta91]

I was diagnosed with Pure O, a form of OCD about two years ago. From being very young I have always seen everything in life as sexual, and tbh I felt like an absolute weirdo. I now have two children and my fear is like every other parents fear, sexual abuse. I have graphic, disturbing images in my head of my children being violently sexually abused and it literally breaks my heart. When I told my counsellor this, she said it is completely normal, but then I mentioned that these visions include me abusing my children, she again she said this was normal. That was the first time I ever spoke about this to anyone as I thought people would think I'm an absolute nonce, a paedophile and a freak. I've never heard of anyone go through these types of intrusive thoughts. One thing my counsellor said was you are not a paedophile or anything like that because everytime you get a thought like that is disturbs you to the core. I know why I have these thoughts, it's from sexual abuse and trauma I suffered as a very young child.

I just feel so alone, and recently felt worse as a friend told me about a sexual abuse case and it has triggered me off so badly, my friends and family know about my condition but not the extent of it, I can't read anything to do with child abuse as it makes me have horrific visions.

I guess I just want to see if there is anyone else out there like me, and if so how do you cope, I'm beginning to lose sight of what's real and what's not.

I know exactly what you mean as I also have intrusive thoughts. Coping mechanisms that work for me are distracting myself with doing something that needs concentration, telling myself it's only a thought, it's not me; also trying to work on anxiety in general and not let it get on top of me. Good luck!

Yes, I have anxiety as well which probably doesn't help. I absolutley despise these thoughts, I feel bad for my children as I can't allow them to stay out to a friends incase anything happens. But yeah, overall its horrific

I think everyone has intrusive thoughts, some of which are quite disturbing. I imagine the difference is that someone without ocd manages to brush them off as purely fleeting thoughts that mean nothing but someone with ocd believes they mean something about them as a person. You are not enjoying the thoughts you have, you are not a bad person. We can’t control the thoughts that come into our head, you just put more meaning on them that someone else might.

Candle18 is right on the money with their comment! @puta91 everyone has thoughts like this, the thoughts are not the problem (Thoughts are not facts), it’s the interpretation of the thoughts and the total belief in them that is the problem. We CBT therapists call this “thought action fusion”. You would really benefit from CBT which is the first line evidence based treatment for OCD. I’ll be honest with you, your particular thoughts are so common; I have treated over 10 people this year for exactly the same kind of thoughts. This is good news because it demonstrates that you are a) not alone, b) not weird, just human and c) because intrusive thoughts are so common there has been a lot of development in the treatment of OCD so you can be helped.

The only caveat is that if you are receiving counselling for your childhood experience that it is best if that counsellor has a discussion with any CBT therapist to decide when is appropriate. If you want counselling for your childhood experience it is wise to seek the services of a specialist counsellor for childhood sexual abuse; there are agencies and specialist charities who do this such as Families First.

For CBT you can get your GP to refer you to IAPT (NHS Talking Therapies provision) or you can self refer to your local service. If you want to go private then only use a BABCP accredited CBT therapist and they can be found on www.cbtregisteruk.com/

Please feel free to pm me and I can help you find someone suitable who can work with OCD in the context of your background and liaise with you and your counsellor to find the best approach for you.

The takeaway from this OP is that you CAN deal with your OCD, there is some very good help out there. You might find this book helpful to give you a flavour of how CBT is used to treat OCD.

www.amazon.co.uk/Break-Free-OCD-Overcoming-Compulsive/dp/0091939690?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

one of the authors, Professor Paul Salkovskis is the therapist who helped Naydia Hussain (GBBO) with her anxiety which I think is still a programme you can watch on iPlayer.

Good luck OP

@YouokHun, thanks so much for your comment. I actually went through CBT, this is how I got my diagnosis. I am currently on medication sertraline 100mg,but being I'm pregnant I've not took them as much, I think this is why I feel so vulnerable as I usually wouldn't post something so personal.

I have started taking my medication again yesterday, so hopefully they kick in, they do work but they do not get rid of the thoughts. The medication kind of makes them seem not as bad. It's reassuring to know that I'm not the only person who suffers with this, any illnesses I have I openly discuss, but this I can't even find the words to describe my thoughts as I'm so scared of people labelling me as something I'm not.