I've namechanged for this as don't want to be outed.
I had my DS a year ago at the end of this week, my pregnancy was a difficult one as I was sick a lot, ended up being induced for various reasons no medical professional could agree on (on my paperwork it is listed as serve preeclampsia but this was never mentioned to me once) and baby was born very small. I was ridiculed by heath professionals over my weight (baby was not planned at all!) then ridiculed for not breastfeeding. My DS is amazing, very very clingy with DH but he has grown and developed so well and I love him more than I have ever loved anyone.
I have always suffered with my mental health. I self harmed a lot at school, college and university (I am in my early 20s now) and I suffer from major anxiety. I have never spoken to any medical professional about this so nothing is 'diagnosed'.
I am really struggling at the moment, I keep getting horrible flashbacks of the weeks leading up to his birth and the birth itself and end up having panic attacks. I feel completely helpless and it got to the stage last week where I contemplated if DS and DH would be better off without me.
I'm not sure what I want out of this post, I guess just to have a vent and write everything down. I am terrified of corona and haven't left the house since the 10th March, all shopping has been delivered etc. I feel like I can't cope anymore and I don't know what to do.
DH is amazing and very supportive, he is also the best dad to DS. Does anyone have any words of wisdom to share to help me?