Maladaptive Daydreaming support thread

[Namechange8471]

Hi! I thought I’d start this thread as since lockdown began my maladaptive daydreaming has increased. Dd recently returned to school, therefore I have spent hours listening to music, pacing up and down.
No housework is getting done and I just can’t concentrate.
Is anyone else the same?

Also here is a link to it, I was amazed when I found out it had a name, thought I was going mad for years 😩www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/maladaptive-daydreaming

They do, I'm a writer! Also JK Rowling is a maladaptive daydreamer and she did very well with Harry Potter.

GW1066, it's difficult because many therapists still don't know what maladaptive daydreaming is. Maybe he's upset about it because he feels like it's so abnormal, you could let him know that it actually isn't. There are a few online support groups out there, 'Wild Minds' being one of them. On the writing theme, you could ask if writing his worlds down would help? It helped me a lot.

I have this i also have ocd. I used to get kicked out of class and detention all the time as i was always in a daydream. I also look up facts for my daydreams lol. I do it every day and have several fake lives running in my head all the time.

Oh my good god, this is a mental health condition?? I've been doing this since I was a kid.
Have developed some very complex storylines, as an adult I do it to get me off to sleep. I did start to turn one into an actual piece of fiction years ago and have used it as a basis for some drawings... Surely this plays a part in fiction and film writing etc?

I've always considered it as a form of creative escapism. I either make up plots or write myself into film or tv dramas that have had an impact on me.I also tend to have very vivid dreams.

Jings 😳

Normal daydreaming is not a mental health condition but maldaptive daydreaming is. Its because of how it affects your life, how you can miss entire days because you are playing out a story in your head and nothing gets done.

I actually date all of my mental health problems (OCD, depression, eating disorders) from when I stopped daydreaming like this. I figured it was just growing up and I'd lost my 'release valve' of my imagination. I'd give anything to be able to do it again. Is it actually a bad thing? I'd love to spend the day daydreaming rather than binge eating.

It is a great escape from reality but it becomes a problem if it becomes too much. I have literally missed out on things, cancelled plans, forgot to tidy or go shopping for dinner until its too late and other things because i have been daydreaming so hard. Ive missed loads of important information being told to me because i couldnt pry myself away from my imagination and the worst bit is preferring my imaginary life and being upset that reality is nothing like whats in my head.

and the worst bit is preferring my imaginary life and being upset that reality is nothing like whats in my head.*

YY to this. I only recently realised that this is what has been going on with me for years. It has screwed up my life in a lot of ways and it's really ramped up recently - probably as a result of lockdown I suppose.

It's been a relief to discover that this is actually a thing and they I'm not the only one who experiences it.

What I wonder though is if it's a think in its own right or is it symptom of something else? Like, if people have other issues did they cause the maladaptive daydreaming or did they maladaptive daydreaming cause them?

I'd love to know that too cousin. Usually when my life's quite busy it's just a pleasant distraction ie something I do a bit before I fall asleep, but I think the boredom of lockdown has made me really ramp it up recently.

I have this and also have OCD and anxiety. I do enjoy my life but I think the day dreaming for me is a bit of escapism from the boring everyday.

@CousinRosamund i have always assumed my maladaptive daydreaming is a result of my ocd. Once i get an idea in my head i obsess over it and create a fantasy surrounding it and then create a whole story and narrative world around it. I wonder if people with anxiety get the same.

Outcome yes, my inner-life is usually like a background hum while my real-life goes on, but there are times, like right now when it dominates my life and it's not enjoyable in the same way - it's like an addiction that's never properly satisfied (because what I imagine will never actually happen).

But I can't work out if the unhappiness is caused by the maladaptive daydreaming or is it starts to ramp up and get worse because I'm unhappy anyway. I think it's maybe a bit of both and a bit of a vicious circle

mum and ryan, that's interesting about OCD - when I've googled I've noticed they do seem to be mentioned together a lot. Same with ADHD.

I'm not diagnosed with anything. I am an anxious person and a perfectionist though, but that's probably just my personality. Also have always struggled with focus and concentration and have great difficulty managing time. In school I was singled out and ridiculed a lot by teachers for my lack of concentration.

I've always felt that there must be something wrong with my head as knew instinctively even from a young age that this (constant daydreaming) wasn't something normal people would do. I've never told anyone about it in RL.

I also knew from a young age other people didnt daydream like me. I also got into trouble at school a lot and mine definitely ramps up if im bothered or upset. I also sometimes. Find myself pacing or pulling facial expressions whilst deeply involved in my daydreams. Music always triggers them as well. Its so weird but until about 2 years ago i never knew it had a name.

Oh gosh yes - if I've become really immersed in my dreamworld when I'm out walking I'll suddenly realise I've started running! I must look like a madwoman! I have a particular tic when I'm stationary as well. And since lockdown, something new - l've actually caught myself participating in these imaginary conversations out loud and sometimes even laughing My DP has actually caught me doing this and am worried it's only a matter of time before I'm "caught out."

I saw this thread yesterday but didn't have time to post.

I'm in my 40s and started this a long time ago - probably by the age of 8. I have been told by professionals I have ocd tendencies which manifest in my thought patterns rather than physical behaviours so it's interesting to hear what other posters are saying. I always thought it came from having a neglectful childhood though and gave me an escape from the bad things in my life. It certainly feels like I have been more susceptible at difficult times.

I have lost months and months to this but have never really regretted it. When I think about daydreaming it's like my cosy and welcoming place. It has got in the way of sleeping and life in general, making me wish people would leave me alone so I can get on with it to the extent that it has got in the way of work and relationships but no one in the world has ever known about it.

My stories are always along the same lines and there is a lot of repetition and going over things to get it perfect or to relive the best bits again. No wonder I haven't told anyone about it. I sound a bit unhinged.

I don't know what has happened in the last couple of years but I have pretty much stopped. It could be that I don't need it so much. It could be I am conscious that I can't spare the time I used to for it but I actually think it's because I'm on ADs. I could be wrong about that but it ties in timing wise. It could also be that there are other distractions now, like social media and MN. I can still spend a lot of time elsewhere in my head but not in the intricate and time consuming storylines I used to. I quite miss it.

Can I comment on this one too lol. I was googling it last night and another post on here from may came up. Literally done this all my life. Started out with boyband crushes as a kid. Turned into teenage daydreams. Then as an adult it's just continued. I create different romances in my head in different scenarios.

Usually triggered by TV programs. I also play the music that reminds me of the story haha. Honestly so glad to not be alone.

I am currently lost in a story about a handsome gypsy boy who I've fallen in love with this story is about 7 years old. I haven't thought about it for years really. But I watched something and it triggered it again.

I went through a stage of being married to Michael out of PB and being Tommy's daughter too.

Feel mad writing this. I've never talked about this before so it's so strange to be reading other experiences.

I've always worried I'm just not doing enough in life. But I appreciate now that it's normal and we all have curiousity about different lives. Let's face it daydreams are always adventurous and full of passion. Real life can be quite the opposite.

I love the fact in daydreams you can stay in the butterflies stage of love forever

I'm the same. Have done this since I was a kid and I'm in my 40s now and it's always a romance. Always. And a better version of me. I have probably wasted years of my life. It's escapism for sure and a coping mechanism. I had tough teen years with parents who gaslighted and ignored each other and who weren't all that interested in me. I didn't have good role models or much affection and even though I have a lovely DP and kids now myself I can still spend hours daydreaming and I don't know how to stop. It's like an addiction. And incidentally I have mild depression and have struggled with other addictions like smoking and binging too. I'm sure it's all related. It's really cathartic to talk about it. I've never told a soul in real life. Music is a trigger too.

Im really glad i found this thread, I do this and thought I was the only one

I sort of pace/run around when Im in my dreams. I definitely can be out for a walk and suddenly start running or laughing. And I mutter too sometimes.

Sometimes I think I want it to stop, but equally I think life would be a bit boring without it.

It started as a child, Id set up my toys and then just sit there daydreaming, occasionally rearranging, then i moved onto the sims. It started with boys on TV/in bands.

The dreams focus on me but I am very different to actual me, this person has evolved with time. There are reocurring characters that are always in the dream regardless of the story, sometimes I change story but still weave these characters in.

I wasnt neglected as a child but I did have a lonely childhood, and a bit of an emotional disconnect from my mum (a whole other thread). I have also suspect I have ADHD and have wondered about ocd. I am definitely a perfectionist and I will obsess over the stories rehashing bits until I get them right, researching various bits to make them realistic. If I create a story thats not realistic I will go over and over it until I am happy

Im actually really releived because so many people are describing things on this thread that really resonate with me. I thought I was the only person who did this and that theres something completely wrong with me.

Ive never told anyone and have often been terrified people will find out

I wonder if it's just natural for humans to focus 100% on themselves in a way and this is the only way. It's the only way you can truly get what you want without hurting others or asking permission? You can instantly become whatever you want.

I have a small suspicion that this triggered from my mum being cold and emotionless. I never have parents in my dreams. I'm always strong, independent and doing it alone.

I hate fussing over details too. I have imagined I have a horse and a dog in this gypsy one. But i have to make sure it's realistic and I can't leave the dog at home overnight whilst I go on my dates lol.

What stories do you create? I'm interested in people's plots and scenarios.

I would never be the person in my dreams either. I literally so opposite. I guess it's curiousity about being known and popular. Also I always feel loved in my dreams. Love this thread. Hoping some others will come to chat as I want to talk more about it.

I do this too! I've never spoken to anyone about it in case they think I'm mad, selfish, pathetic, etc. I'm in my 50s and have done this for at least my adult life, can't remember if I did it as a child. I didn't know it was called maladaptive daydreaming.

I usually have one dominant 'alternative life' going on in my head most of the time, but there are generally a few others, sometimes short-term or one off stories. The dominant one goes on for months, sometimes years, and when it stops it's usually quite abrupt and it might take a few months before I find a new long term one, though I'll have the shorter ones in the meantime. It's usually semi-romantic, with a much better version of me - confident, attractive, outgoing with a great job and lots of friends and a caring, interesting partner, but it involves other stuff as well as the relationship - I can spend days doing scenes where I'm out with friends, at work, etc. I usually choose a man that has a job in an area that interests me and build it around that. My plots are usually fairly boring, everyday life stuff, but I'm always a very capable, popular, successful, nice, confident person in them! I suppose it's a way of making right all of the stuff I think I'm bad at or opportunities missed - in real life I'm introverted, anxious, underachieving, and many other things I'm unhappy about. I also think I have ADHD and probably autism. I wonder if I'd do it if I was really leading a happy, successful life. I love being in my other worlds, but it also makes me feel depressed and lonely because I feel like I've wasted my life just dreaming about a life that I don't actually have and don't share with anyone. I've wondered if it's an autism thing, because in reality I find social contact and physical contact very difficult, but it's hard being 'different', so I think the daydreaming is a way of making a 'normal' life that the real me couldnt' actually cope with if that makes sense.

I've tried writing down my alternative lives but there's not really enough drama to make them interesting - for example today I've been replaying a scene over and over where I'm cooking dinner with my imaginary partner. I've tried doing it the other way around where I use my imagination to play around with a short story idea and create characters and I quite enjoy doing that.

I'm really surprised and quite excited to find that there's a name for this and other people who do it.

I have a question.

Do you visualise when doing this (like a piece of film running in your head) or is it all entirely thought 'and then we went to the cinema and saw xyz'?

I visualise it all. I can spend ages on tiny details like decor, clothes, etc. It’s not exactly like a piece of film because it’s all from my perspective rather than watching myself as a character.

I've come back to this thread.

After realising although I still daydream a lot I hadn't had a significant and complex storyline for ages I think I almost made a conscious decision to go back into my old habits. For the last couple of weeks it has completely taken over my life. Whilst it did start as the comfy and enjoyable place I remembered, I had conveniently forgotten how unhappy and stressed it can make me when I come out of it and realise my real life isn't and never will be anything like it and I am losing hours to a fantasy and not giving family, friends and work the focus that is required.

Interesting that so many people talk about pacing. I like to be still and very focused, although it does carry on in the background whatever I'm doing.

As a child, I used to skip up and down the house with a flicky bookmark as I daydreamed - often for hours.

I still love a good flicky bookmark when I’m reading as it helps me visualise the scenes. I daydream when bored at work, when travelling, in bed at night etc.