I feel like I am being let down when I am in desperate need of help!

[Ccaaiitt]

I had HG during my pregnancy and it was so bad that I was hospitalised for nine weeks when I was around 28 weeks pregnant till I gave birth. I was let down in my pregnancy as I called nearly every day begging for help as I couldn’t sleep and I could only keep down dry toast and they said that there is no point I go to the hospital because I could keep down the toast but turns out toast is not enough to live on when your pregnant (who knew... certainly not my GP, midwife and hospital) my bone marrow completely shut down, I lost 13 kilos and I developed fluid around my heart I was fed by NG (feeding tube) till I left the hospital but I thought the entire time I was pregnant the sickness would end when I had the baby but it didn’t and 11 months later I still feel just as sick as I did when I pregnant and I want to die I am so underweight! Every day is hell on earth! I have had everything tested and there is no physical reason I should feel sick and my psychiatrist, therapist and psychologist say it’s a physical issue and they can’t help.... I am so exhausted I feel Everyone would be better off if I died! I honestly cannot do another day feeling like I am going to projectile vomit everywhere!!! It’s torture I just want to be a mum and I fought so hard for my boy but I am not always mentally present and I feel like I’m missing out on everything because everything is incredibly difficult for me! I have no idea what to do anymore I have tried everything I know to do.... please help me!

I'm so sorry. Could you contact the APNI (association for post natal illness) helpline? (phone number is 0207 386 0868 and they are open 10am-2pm Mon-Fri). They might be able to offer support/advice. all the best

That sounds so terribly difficult. Your feeling of being let down when you need help the most really resonated with me. Do you have anyone at all who can help advocate for you?

Even aside from the vomiting, your pregnancy and the desperation you describe was very traumatic. Are you getting any help for that?

I found that when I was stressed or even moving too quickly in pregnancy that it triggered the nausea and I had to learn to slow everything right down.
And for quite a while afterwards, maybe up to 2 years after I had given birth, I would get nauseous and dry heave in stressful situations. It was like my body had learned a new stress response.

I have a background in behavioural psychology so that explanation made sense to me in terms of “conditioning”.

I don’t know if it’s at all relevant to your situation. But it may be something that a psychologist or therapist with an understanding of behaviourism might help unpick. Behaviourism is fairly unfashionable among psychologists and many have at best a rudimentary understanding of it, and most misunderstand the core principles entirely. So you do need to find someone in that specific area.

It was fairly mild in my case, compared to the horrors you’re going through. So this might be totally irrelevant. But I have huge sympathy.