This is difficult to put out there but hoping someone can help.
So I had a breakdown in March. A 'proper' breakdown. Triggered by coronavirus (fear of the virus and my loved ones, not lockdown), but I've had problems for many many years before, just never as bad so I coped. I witnessed homicide of a parent when younger, I was groomed in the care system as well. I managed to build a life of sorts afterwards, worked on and off, had DCs, but I've never been 'right' , always anxious, feeling strange or depressed and uneasy a lot.
The breakdown was scary. It came out of nowhere and I couldn't eat, was extremely paranoid about most things, crying constantly. Really unwell. Only reason my DC were able to stay with me was because they aren't very young can mostly look after themselves now and we have had support from my sister.
I went on anti depressants and restarted counselling and I do feel much better. I actually FEEL better than I did pre breakdown. However, my motivation has not come back. I am still spending most of the day in bed, rarely showering, it's a huge event when I go out once a week or so I'm exhausted after. It feels as if any noise or touch or activity is "too much" and disturbs me so much I feel overwhelmed and want to rush back to bed.
I yearn to get back to some form of 'normality'. I feel better mentally but something is not catching up to put it into practice somehow.
Has anyone ever experienced this??