How to I help my husband?

[FebruaryJuly]

I really want to help my husband and his mental health but I don't know how to help him.

He is an accountant working from home at the moment and has his final chartered exams in the summer. The pandemic has meant that his exams have been pushed to the end of the summer meaning he now has no time off during the summer. He is working full-time and non-stop, plus studying for hours at night.

We have a 4 year old son who is not yet back in school and I am a teacher (I am back in full-time).

He is desperately struggling to juggle his workload and our son, with his final exams added as more pressure. He isn't very open with his feelings and likes to just "get on with things". I can tell he really isn't coping and I worry that he is about to break down with it all. We have also been trying for another baby which (this month) has really gotten on top of him and has tired him out mentally. I am suggesting to put baby number 2 on hold for now.

The following are what he has listed as his biggest worries:

• trying for a baby
• no time with myself or our son
• me being back in work full-time and our son still being home
• having to spend things on the house
• motivation to study for final exams
• no time off in the summer as originally planned
• no time to exercise or have time to himself

I just want to help him. I have anxiety and have had depression in the past, but he hasn't. I can see it in him now but he is very in denial. I feel helpless and just want to help to relive his stress somehow but I don't know how.

You sound like a lovely wife.

I'd put the baby on hold for now (assuming age means that you have plenty of time?)

What are you having to spend on the house? Can that stop?

Is there any childcare for DS? Can he go to school under the keyworker provision, or is he still at nursery/childminder age - are they open?

Can you schedule in time for exercise/to relax and stick to it?

Could you plan a UK break for the summer, even if it's just a weekend so there's something to look forward to? Or for October half term when the exams are over?

@TokyoSushi some great ideas!

Yes, we are 25 and 26 so a part from not really liking how our children's age gaps are going to look, there is no harm in putting baby making on hold for the following few months.

We spent a lot on our garden last month which we are glad that we did, but now a few things to do with our electrics in the house have cropped up. These things are things that need sorting, like we have found out that the gas isn't earthed (thankfully the water and electric are earthed - I didn't even know water had to be earthed but hey ho! Haha). This things are looking at costing £800-£1000 which has just come at a difficult time.

Our son is in pre-school and as my husband is not classed as a key worker as well as myself, the opportunity isn't open for him to attend school. His school has decided to keep their school closed to the year groups that the government suggested until at least September.

It's just such a struggle trying to fit everything in at the moment, including having time for our own individual mental health (such as exercise etc.)