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Mental health

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Original poster

Feeling like I can’t cope anymore

48 replies

MummaJ32 · 14/06/2020 12:02

Possible trigger thread..

Since lockdown began I’ve been off of work as my son’s nursery closed & my dad who was able to have him when I worked, is diabetic so was classed as vulnerable so had been shielding.

I’ve been off of work since March, I’m a HCA at a hospital.

My relationship ended recently, even with attempts to reconcile with him - he has ignored me deliberately, making me feel worthless.

Then today I texted my 9 year old cousins mum to wish him happy birthday and she retaliated at me being nasty because I forgot her other son’s birthday in March - he isn’t my cousin as different dads.

I also lost my Mum back in September last year to breast cancer and still struggling with her death.

Just got notice if I don’t go back to work I will get fired but what am I supposed to do just leave my 3 year old at home by himself?!

I honestly can’t cope anymore and feeling suicidal tbh. I feel like everyone would be much better off without me. I’m worthless, I have nothing to give, everything I do is wrong. I just can’t cope anymore and I can’t talk to my family about this

OP posts:

Original poster

MummaJ32 · 15/06/2020 10:02

@LuluBellaBlue sorry misspelled

OP posts:

oo0Tinkerbell0oo · 15/06/2020 10:04

Do you work for NHS....i do and we have had loads of people off sick, with Covid or stress related illness due to the Covid situation and none of these people have been rushed back to work, quite the opposite....people have returned ( own decision) and been sent home again. Speak to your line manager again, maybe there's been a misunderstanding.

RandomMess · 15/06/2020 10:11

You need an urgent GP appt, be honest with the receptionist and tell them you are feeling suicidal!!!

Hidingtonothing · 15/06/2020 10:31

OP none of this is your fault, you're being placed in an impossible position by work, the pandemic alone is enough to cause major anxiety and you've just lost your mum, you're not worthless, you've taken an absolute battering lately

First things first you need to do something about work to alleviate the immediate stress. Whether that's getting signed off with stress/depression/anxiety or contacting your union for some support with challenging their ultimatum or looking into what benefits you would be entitled to so you know you would be ok. Any of those should stop that panic feeling you have now, I know how hard it is to tackle this stuff when you're feeling the way you are but you will feel a million times better once it's done.

I think the GP should probably be your first call, tell them you are having suicidal thoughts and need an urgent phone appointment. Getting signed off seems the best option to me for now and it would absolutely be justified, you really need the pressure regarding work to stop before you can start to get on top of how you're feeling. Please call, it will be a massive relief when it's done

Jokat · 15/06/2020 10:34

The grief you're going through for your mum, please don't put your child through that same grief and worse. You were an adult when you lost her, as a child it will hit him even harder if you choose to end your life. Plus, he will forever feel worthless because in his eyes, he was not worth sticking around for. He will forever think he was not lovable enough for you to want to live for. Please, please don't put that on him. Of course he needs you!!

stephrose03 · 15/06/2020 10:47

hiya Lulubellablue. I'm so sorry you are struggling. I work in mental health and often speak to women who are in the same situation as you, so firstly please understand you are not alone in this.

firstly please, please please contact your G.P this morning. you could possibly benefit from a course of antidepressents. These will help you feel a bit brighter in the sort term and give you the energy and focus to sort your issues out. I have been there twice in my life and antidepressents saved me from going under, so please do contact your G.P and let them know how you are feeling.

this is a hard time for you and I would perhaps guess you might need some support with processing your mum's death? Often it can help to talk to people outside the family, so you can be completely open and honest. Please take one day at time, we hear you and there is help out there for you. if I can help you with any local services information please dm me.

I am not an expert in the workplace, what a difficult situation you are in. Is there no option at all for childcare? apologies if I missed you taking about this. I think you have been given some good advice about speaking to someone such as acas for impartial advice on your rights and possible options.

please keep going, even when things are tough. everyday at the moment might feel like a struggle, but life will not always be like this. It's common for people struggling with their mental health to think everyone will be better off without them, but eventually you will be able to see the sun though the clouds. your boy needs you, your family needs you. you are very important, even on your worst days you are very important. xx

Original poster

MummaJ32 · 15/06/2020 11:39

Thanks all, still struggling but glad I’ve reached out x

OP posts:

GrannyBags · 15/06/2020 11:51

Bless you. I had similar feelings last year and it is terrible how your head can convince you that the world would be better off without you. Please see your GP - they can help with medication or therapy, which will help you think more rationally and can sign you off work which takes away that pressure. Do you have a friend you can talk to? I confided in a friend and she text me everyday to see how I was - it was so valuable to me. I hope you are feeling calmer soon.

Hidingtonothing · 15/06/2020 12:41

That feeling of relief because you reached out will get stronger every time you do it. I've had depression on and off for years and always put off seeing the GP when things are getting bad again. But the weight that lifts off my shoulders once I've been is immense, just knowing that you're doing something about it gives you a massive lift and makes you feel more able to tackle other problems. If posting here has helped a little it makes sense that asking for help in real life will too

Original poster

MummaJ32 · 15/06/2020 13:07

I appreciate everyone’s responses and I want to thank you for it.

I’ve just lost my job. After everything I’ve lost, I really don’t feel like I can carry on anymore. My son is going to be so much better off without me, a total failure in life who can’t hold down a job, not capable of being loved by the person she loved, I just want to be with my mum. I’ve had enough.

Sorry.

OP posts:

Yeahnahmum · 15/06/2020 13:14

You might not feel worthy or important. But to your son you are his world, his moon and his starts. Try so see him as your little guiding light. That spark of joy that will always be there no matter what. With him in your life you will always have a purpose. Together you are stronger than you can think. The bond between mother and son is set in stone and filled with incredible love. You may not feel like the world. But you mean the world to him. If he had the chance he would always choose you. Over any other mother in the world. Job or no job. You made him. You gave him life. Now live for him. As he lives for you.

Hidingtonothing · 15/06/2020 13:54

You can recover from losing your job OP, please believe me that you wouldn't be feeling like this if you weren't unwell, and you can recover from that too. Please call your GP, please xxx

AbiBrown · 15/06/2020 14:05

Please, please find just a tiny bit of courage to make 2 or 3 calls. First one, either samaritans or GP, or both. Then any union that represents your work place. We're all losing jobs. At least you choice à profession that helps others, if nothing else that speaks highly of your character and we as a society need more of you. You can't see it now, but i'this is a storm you need to whether. Get people on board that will help you through it. The GP could prescribe an anti depressant that will help you take a step back. All of this won't feel as overwhelming and you'll be able to take some steps. Then a union rep should be able to talk you through your options, link you with others in the same situation, help you feel less alone in this. Above all, you're a caring and devoted mother by the sounds of it and you make your son happy. Just for that it's worth ploughing through. Sending love.

MNHQ

MichaelMumsnet · 15/06/2020 14:09

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real-life help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

LuluBellaBlue · 15/06/2020 17:53

Sending you lots of love OP.

I’ve been there, I promise you there IS a way out of this black hole.
These feelings will pass. This will change. Please hang in there

Ladywinesalot · 15/06/2020 23:36

Op how are you? X

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 15/06/2020 23:45

For childcare, give your local council a call, they may be able to direct you to other nurseries and childminders who are open so you can work if you feel able

iloveyoubutilovememore · 16/06/2020 16:11

Sending you so much love. I have felt similarly to you in the past. As if it will never get better.

You have had to deal with SO much. Give yourself some credit and show yourself some kindness. You deserve it.

Please go to the GP as soon as possible and tell them how you're feeling. You need support and your son needs his mummy. You can do it.

Keep on keeping on. The fog always always passes and the sun comes back in. Let the light in x

OldEvilOwl · 16/06/2020 16:31

Just checking in on you OP. Sorry to hear about your job, are you able to claim any benefits to tide you over in the meantime? Things will get better honestly. You have a family - please reach out to them. You don't have to tell them everything if you don't want to. It's always worse to bottle things up. Hope your ok

oo0Tinkerbell0oo · 16/06/2020 16:41

I have colleagues who have been on long term sick, 6 months or more, so from March isn't really that long. Have you spoken to your line manager and Occupational Health etc. Even when returning to work you are not expected to return as normal, it is a phased return.

randomer · 16/06/2020 16:44

Loss, its about loss. You lost your Mum, you lost your partner, you lost your life ( due to this pandemic)

Short term phone the Samaritans.

Longer term get therapy.

So sorry for this awful situation. have sent dm.

LuluBellaBlue · 17/06/2020 11:25

Hope you’re doing ok?

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 17/06/2020 11:33

Hi 🌷
I've only just seen your thread, sorry I missed it earlier!
Come & talk to us - we'll help you work through things.
You are your son's whole world and he needs you, like you needed your Mum.

Your cousin's Mum is a daft bat
Your work are wankers

But we can help you sort things out 🌷

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