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How do I like MIL?

2 replies

MoleandGorilla · 14/06/2020 05:15

First I'm going to say please don't have ago at me and tell me what a bitch I am because I'm struggling enough at the moment. All I was interested to know is so any of you dislike you MIL and it really upsets you how you feel?

I used to get on with my MIL fine the my SIL came along and they were so similar they just started hanging out without me and forgot about me. Then SIL announces she pregnant after only being with my BIL for 6 months (their relationship was on the rocks and then pow she's pregnant so I'm sure it was not an accident) anyway that really hurt me as me and my husband had been together 8 years and recently married were trying for a baby. I had hope that me being pregnant would help me and mil become close again but then SIL got in there and again I got pushed out. She had her baby and my parents in law who are retired and travel a lot booked a whole month off travel to be there for her and their first grand baby. Then my due date came and they were abroad. This really pissed me off.

Anyway since then she has really tried to make an effort with me but I just can't get over how much I now dislike her. It's causing an issue between my husband and I because I just don't trust her. She doesn't listen to me when I give her instructions for looking after my children and I'm really anxious if I left them with her they would end up in A&E. For example my daughter has a dairy allergy and we went for lunch there and I'd packed her her own lunch so I didn't have to mess people around and I was sure it was safe. Mil then feeds my daughter green beans with butter on when my back was turned luckily I saw before it went in her mouth. And then mil claimed it just slipped her mind but I can't risk it. How do I get over this?

OP posts:
Marleymoo42 · 16/06/2020 12:31

You are obviously jealous of sil. Do you want to have a close relationship like she does? Or are you just jealous of the fact that she likes your mil, whereas your relationship is more complicated?

I don't particularly like my mil but we both make an effort. The hardest stage was when my eldest was a baby. It was all very intense and I was easily irritated and a bit threatened by her. It definitely got easier as we settled into our roles as parent and grandparent. Try not to compare your relationship to your sils. It won't help.

I would give her another chance over the allergies. She is probably desperate to prepare food for your baby when you visit and genuinely wasn't thinking. She may have learnt her lesson. If you let her feed your baby when you are there with food she has prepared (you could give her some suggestions) it will probably help. I find dealing with enthusiastic grandparents is a bit like dealing with children. If you give them some responsibility they tend to behave better! Otherwise it becomes a bit of a power struggle and they do stupid things like feed them behind your back.

Windyatthebeach · 16/06/2020 12:35

No need for mil to have your dc alone. Your mh will likely be grateful...
Stop doing the pick me dance and leave them to it..

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