where did I go

[Fooofooo]

Hi, I am a 54 yo single parent of 2 teen DDs, we have been living in Austria for a few years and today finally after years of struggling and battling I finally I find myself unable to cope, it is so long since I was even remotely happy I can not even remember what it feels like. I am by nature an optimist and although life has never been easy I have always been able to stand up and carry on but things just seem to get more and more out of control till it is now impossible to see a better day ahead and for the first time in years I am crying and unable to stop, I am exhausted. After years in an EA relationship with the DDs father, I thought this would be a new start but I am drowning under an Avalanch of never-ending problems. I always put the girls first and I have no time left to get myself in a better place. There is nobody to talk to or help and I truly, truly hate being me.i know i am depressed but antidepressants won't change my situation and my german is not good enough to express myself to a counselor even if I could afford one .i have a very little family so returning to England is not an option and it would just put us back on exs radar so not an answer. I just don't want this anymore. where has my life disapered to.

Antidepressants won’t change your situation but they will change how you are coping and feeling with the situation ou are in. Please speak to a Dr because there can be underlying conditions that can cause depression that can be easily treated (thyroid, Vitamin D deficiency, B12 deficiency for example). It is good you can recognise you are depressed but, without help, depression can’t get worse and worse. I’m so sorry you are feeling like this, please speak to a Dr

I have a well-treated Hashimoto's condition and I really need a better way to deal with this than antidepressants given that I tend not to tolerate tablets well. thank you anyway

This sounds like such a tough situation, especially with the potential language barrier. I am wondering you could access some UK based support from where you are. I belive you can email the samaritans, which could give you someone to talk to, but also websites like Mind might have some resources that could be of some use?

In addition, think so some quick easy and free things you could do just for yourself. Meditation is something that I do, I like the app 'let's meditate' which has nice guided meditations of varying lengths, so easy to slot in to your day. Also going for a walk is something that helps lift my mood. I have heard there are particular benefits to walking in woods and forests, and do find these places soothing, so if you have access to somewhere like it might be good.