Please help - feeling scared and suicidal

[NooNooHead]

Lots going on. Think I have made my drug induced neurlogical movement disorder worse.

Am very scared right now.

Is there anyone you can call? Maybe the Samaritans?

Samaritans number is 116 123

Please call first response for the suicidal feelings. Can you get a friend to come over?

Are you still there OP? Can you tell me about neurological movement disorder?

Hello.

What do you mean by drug induced? Can you give more information?

I’m sorry you’re scared, it’s a horrible place to be.

Can you call Samaritans on 116 123 for a chat?

Or 111 for medical advice (or obviously 999 if an emergency situation)?

Hugs.

Please call someone. You need real life support for this. If you want to share I am here for you 💐

Thank you all. I have a neurologist drug induced movement disorder that was caused by taking an antipsychotic drug called Pericyazine when I was prescribed it for severe insomnia and anxiety after a head injury and post concussion syndrome 5 years ago. I don't take the antipsychotic now.

The movement disorder causes involuntary tongue and mouth movements along with other body parts.

I took some prescribed antifungal cream last night for thrush as I am breastfeeding and I think it might have been a bad idea as it seems to have exacerbated my symptoms somewhat.

I have a beautiful month old baby girl and two other DC, who are my world. I can't bear the thought of being not here for them.

I just feel so scared and alone.

Hi OP. Are the children's father there? If not, can he be?

Can you call 111. Xxx

I just don't think I can deal with this now. I have been so strong for the past 5 years and I have dealt with a lot of stuff including my brother passing away from cancer and losing my job, plus having an ectopic pregnancy and overcoming my movement disorder and head injury.

A setback now is something that I don't feel strong enough to deal with.

Thats alot to deal with in 5 years.. and yet look at how far you've come. 5 years is alot of days to have survived. Today is just another of those days- you can make it today OP. I know you can.

You need to not be alone right now though. Can anyone at all come and pitch in today?

Are you in bed right now? X

That sounds really difficult. Could the antifungal cream effects be temporary. The main thing to remember is that the way you're feeling will change. It might change tomorrow or next week or slightly longer but your feelings are mutable so don't do anything right now

Yes, in bed but I can't relax or sleep at all x

OP you’ve had a terrible time. As others have said ‘this too shall pass’ - is there anyone who can come and be with you right now - or can you call Samaritans/text the ‘shout’ crisis service?

Keep this in mind - your babies need you and you know that:

I have a beautiful month old baby girl and two other DC, who are my world. I can't bear the thought of being not here for them

Hugs 🤗

You’ve been dealing with a lot so actually I think you’re much stronger than you realise. It seems like a really tough horrible time for you but you will get there. Don’t give up. you have got inner strength.

Thsnk you, I feel very panicky right now xx

Oh my word, haven’t you been through a lot of trauma! I’m so sorry.

You’re amazing though with how you’ve come through it, and you have three lovely children to show for your efforts.

Please seek medical advice. You ARE worth it.

My hormones are probably out of whack right now and I am incensed at the stupid GP who prescribed me the antifungsal drug that she said wouldn't affect my movement disorder symptoms... clearly it has. I know that we should be our own advocate but I am hoping that most doctors look up your medication and medical history and prescribe meds that help not harm

Thank you all for your kind words. I am just getting through each minute at the moment x

That's all you can do right now. Just take each minute, then each hour and each activity etc. It will start coming together and getting more manageable.

What are you doing? Can you tell us about what you can see?

Noo noo head, I too have overwhelming reactions to some meds including those antifungals. I've been where you are too.
Have you anyone you can talk to close to you or to help with the little ones. You sound like you need a break. I found diazepem very helpful in a crisis to calm anxiety. ( It can be addictive). If you can get time on your own even talking to a counsellor ( on the phone, privately or via g.p ) x

I am in bed, breathing in and out, trying to breastfeed my baby whilst not focusing on my feelings that my movement disorder is getting worse. The sensations that it is giving me are bringing back the feelings I had when it first emerged which in turn is making the anxiety worse.

I can see my DD who is feeding and my DS who is coming in and out of my room.

I just feel awful about it all and can only focus in smaller doses of time. I hate things right now - why is life so hard sometimes?

Sorry for the rant. I just feel like I have such a feeling of dread the whole time. The stupid antifungal drug has really messed things up. Things were going so well too.

And it is horribly intense fear too.

Hello @NooNooHead - we're really sorry you're having such a difficult time.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.
We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We're going to move this thread over to the Mental Health section shortly.