Too anxious to have a baby?

[genevak]

I'm wondering how anyone with anxiety gets on having kids and whether I'm too anxious and so am better to steer well clear.

To explain the kind of anxiety I mean, it's basically catastrophizing, esp when things are out of my control. e.g. I've lost count of the number of times I've assumed my OH has been in an accident because he's been out of phone reception for a few hours.

I'm basically used to it in my current life but I'm not sure if I could cope with kids.

To give an example: I was in a pub garden with some friends and their kids a while back. The kids were playing on the climbing frames etc outside while we were inside. The kids are 7 and 8. The whole time I was thinking (but obvs not saying) - how are you OK with this? They could get kidnapped/just run out of the pub garden into the road.

But I know that people with kids don't watch them every second of the day and they're fine, so it's my issue.

My question is: will this go away? Can I fix it? Or is it just a controlling personality that I shouldn't inflict on children of my own? (Would drive them crazy I imagine)

I don't know how anyone with teenagers copes with no knowing where they are etc!

Has anyone else been like this and gone on to be OK with parenting?

You ask if this will go away? Most probably not. Anxiety when you become a parent is completely normal, you are primed to worry about your child's safety. However, in my experience anxiety tends to increase, not decrease when you become a parent. Can you fix it? Well you can definitely learn to manage it with therapy, and I would highly recommend this route for you. A good therapist will support you to recognise your anxiety and learn how to respond, rather than react to it.

I’m not going to lie to you - it’s extremely hard. I’m exhausted with the worrying most of the time. But I love him so much it’s worth it.

It doesn't go away but you live with it; my anxiety is such that I actually worry far more about the little things (what should DS wear tomorrow? Will he be too cold in shorts? Will he need a long sleeved vest or will a short sleeved vest do?) than the big things.

Me op, I have two dc. My anxiety actually alleviated through my first pregnancy but came back with a vengeance 6 months after birth then alleviated again after the first year. With dc2 my anxiety was worse during the pregnancy and after birth and I now at 6 month postpartum it can come and go although most days I feel okay and feel better when had more sleep. I dont regret having dc as I cant imagine life without them and they bring so much joy but yes it has been a very difficult process to get here. It is still relentless now and I'm so so tired but I know things are getting better and easier all the time as I gradually regain 'some' sleep. Traumatic labours/births/scbu, severe sleep deprivation and postpartum anxiety & hormones have been a real struggle for me and I cant lie I'm delighted to have it behind me and be emerging gradually from it all
I do know now that 2 is my limit and I won'r be having a third one as that really would send me crazy...

Oh and forgot to mention that double the children really is double the worry. I am maxed out worrying about 2 so no idea how people hold it together when they have more than that!

This is all interesting to read. Especially @Wearywithteens - interesting that you'd feel the same re the pub garden situation but don't consider that anxious. I'm never quite sure when something is a normal, acceptable worry and when it's being mad!

I don't actually worry too much about little stuff and have zero social anxiety, it's more I think overestimating the chances of the worst case scenario. Like if someone's late I KNOW that the chances are it's because they've died in a car crash are tiny but at the same time I think but that COULD be the reason, it does happen....

I love the idea of getting some therapy and becoming zen but I have feeling that because I already know it's irrational and I don't have panic attacks or anything like that that I'm not sure what it being 'manageable' would actually look like.

It would be a real shame to miss out on parenthood if it's an amazing as people say because of this....but then also lots of people seem to say 'it's stressful and hard and you'll never have a worry free day again' and then I think...maybe it's better to just not knowing what I'm missing!

Thing is, if you have anxiety (even if you don't), you'll probably never have a worry free day in your life. There's always something to worry about. I figure that that something might as well also be cute. I don't mean to sound flippant at all but honestly, I'd much rather be anxious about my DS than, for example, work.

'I love the idea of getting some therapy and becoming zen but I have feeling that because I already know it's irrational and I don't have panic attacks or anything like that that I'm not sure what it being 'manageable' would actually look like.'

Dont mean to scare you op but I'd never had a panic attack either until after the birth of my first child. Apparently sleep deprivation and hormones caused it. The good news it they went after a few months when the hormones balanced out but then returned after the birth of my second child
I dont think anyone can prepare you for how hard you may or may not find having dc. Everyone is different and copes differently and some babies are more demanding than others!