Can someone please help me

[Tillylils]

I have had anxiety and depression my whole life. Mostly it's under control (I am currently on 60mg of fluoxetine) but occasionally it rears it's head and I'm going through one of these episodes right now.
I think that was has triggered this is I had a brief relationship that I ended on Monday. I have no regrets about this, it was absolutely the right decision. My anxiety resurfaced during the relationship, it didn't feel right for lots of reasons, he made inappropriate comments that made me question whether I would ever want him around my child, I also felt uncomfortable about his relationship with his child's mother.
I thought that when I ended it these feelings would go but if anything they're worse. I just cannot shake off the anxiety. I have no appetite, I just want to sleep until these feelings go. I feel completely bleak and hopeless, like I'm never going to be happy. I have feelings where I want to really hurt myself, I envision myself smashing my head into the wall amongst other things.
I try and distract myself but then I think of him and the anxiety comes crashing back. I should feel relieved, I know I had a lucky escape. I just don't know what's wrong with me and I don't want to feel like this anymore.

I'm so sorry. Are you receiving any counselling support for your anxiety and depression? If not, you could talk to your GP, or if you prefer to do it online privately, have a look at the link below.
www.myclinic.ie/counselling
They are based in Ireland, hence the pricing being in euros, but it is the cheapest I have seen for online counselling (£44 for 50 mins- or 50 euros), but they offer counselling to people all over the world. All the best

@sleepismysuperpower1 thank you for replying.
Im not currently but I do have a telephone consultation on Monday with my gp so it's something I will ask for. I will have a look at those courses though, I'm willing to try anything that might help.

OK, its great that you have a consultation on Monday. The link above is for virtual counselling sessions rather than courses, via the likes of skype. all the best

I definitely agree, you should try talking to a counsellor. It sounds like there's some stuff you need to talk through and process in order to feel better. I've just gone through a breakup (also the right thing, no regrets), and a few years ago got divorced, and somehow a fresh breakup brings up a whole lot of deep things from previous relationships that takes me to very dark places. I saw a documentary once that said that the human brain makes connections by design - it's how we make sense of things. But sometimes those connections aren't necessarily correct or fully rational. That can lead to, for example, us internalising or blaming ourselves when multiple relationships leave us feeling the same way, even if the reasons for that are not our fault or necessarily connected, we will make connections. If you can, spend some time doing some counselling to work out what's making you feel like this. It honestly does help, and will help you better navigate these episodes in future. My philosophy with this stuff (and I've been through some similarly incredibly low points - still am) is that the only way out is through - working through what's going on in your own mind, having someone objective helping you to examine and challenge the things that should be challenged, will make you stronger and better equipped for it. If you have friends you can confide in, that can also help, but a counsellor is the best person to talk to. Wishing you all the very best x

Something else that I read recently that really helped me:

"Your anger is the part of you that knows your mistreatment and abuse are unacceptable. Your anger knows you deserve to be treated will, and with kindness. Your anger is the part of your that LOVES you."

I don't know if this helps you and what you're feeling, but this helped me reframe some of my feelings and feel a bit better.

Thank you @tulipsinspringtime, that does help a bit.
I think it may be because I was really falling for him and I just keep thinking what if I had let him into our lives properly.

@Tillylils - but you didn't let that happen. For whatever reason, you are out of it now. You knew there was something not right. Trust that part of yourself. Be relieved, but also give yourself credit. You'll be more aware of the red flags in the future - but you saw them this time too.