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I feel like its all just too much, i feel like i just hate evrything...

36 replies

kitsandbits · 23/09/2007 14:51

as well as DPs dad & sister not coming to the wedding, just found out my best (and only friend of 22 yrs) cant come - neither can her sister - or her mum (who are really close to me)

i feel like nobody gives a shit,

its just the last straw for me, this coupled with everything else has just sent me over the edge.

ive just fucking had enough of everything.

icant even begin to imagine tomorrow- dp at work and me hereall day with the kids,

i just want to be happy

why am i never happy?

OP posts:
lulumama · 23/09/2007 15:20

your children won't get taken away because both parents are depressed, you must get some help, depression does not go away on its own.

kitsandbits · 23/09/2007 15:22

im 22.

i dont tidy up enough - downstairs is immaculate - upstairs is a tip because i cant take the kids up to tidy up cause they fight in the bedroom.

i love my dp - dont want anyone else - ever

i feel tired all the tim

i feel like an idiot all the time

i feel like everyone thinks im an idiot - if someone in the room is laughing - then i assume its at me

i dont feel im myself - at 18 i was so funky, i had piercing was in to tatoos, wanted to be a tatooist. i had cool clothes and i felt confident

when i go out now i feel like a fat frump

ifmy 1 friend tries to inivte me out i dont go - as its too much for me

my sister keeps asking me to go for a meal - but im scared we'll get stabbed - or lost - or the taxi man will try to kill us.

thwere im a weirdo

OP posts:
lulumama · 23/09/2007 15:23

you are not weird

you are depressed

you are ill

and you need help to get better

no shame in that

a lot of us have been there

lucyellensmum · 23/09/2007 15:31

i agree with lulumama, kits, you know i have my share of problems just now, im driving DP to distraction, i honestly think he is as, if not more, depressed as i am just now. Even in my deepest darkest moments, and they can be pretty fucking grim, i can tell you with my hand on my heart that i am a good mother and manage really well with DD. So does my partner. I have been to the doctors, explained how i felt, really had some serious meltdowns, not once has she even asked or hinted that i may be struggling with DD. They will NOT take your children away from you, why would they?

I do happen to think college is a good idea, you don't have to be a hot shot lawyer or anything, you don't even have to do it for career advancement, you can do it for you - whatever floats your boat, if thats life painting (phwoooarrr naked men!) great, if its rocket science, great. You never know where it might lead. But one thing i do know, it will boost your confidence. You never know what your potential is, i left school having not even sat a single GCSE, nothing, when DD1 was 4 and i was 24, i went to college, they wouldnt let me do GCSEs they didnt think i would cope. It was a fair assesment, my track record was crap - last year, i picked up a PhD in biochemistry, everyone i know, including myself is gobsmacked. Of course my confidence is rock bottom just now, but one day, i intend to use that qualification. I was EXACTLY where you are now, didnt have the confidence or the desire to further my education. I am so glad i did it.

Go to the doctor, its the first step, get some counselling, possibly joint counselling. Does your DP work? If not, he needs to get a job, for his own sake, maybe he would benefit from college. I am a real education pusher, i think it can make such a difference.

You are a kind and caring person kits, what about nursing? midwifery? You have so much to offer, as well as being a great mum.

lulumama · 23/09/2007 15:32

my goal was to be a hot shot lawyer ... Am now a SAHM / doula, i am going to train as a childbirth educator... and i reckon i am a lot happier than i would have been

i suppose i am saying, even if you get what you want, or what you think you want, you are still allowed to be dissatisfied, or sad, or pissed off

lucyellensmum · 23/09/2007 15:43

Kits, you are not a weirdo - well no more than i am at least ;) I can totally empathise with the fear thing, thats why i am on ADs at the moment. If ever there were someone i wouldnt hesitate in recommending them to it is you - it puts things into perspective.

My DD wants to be a tatooist, it might be a phase, she is 17. I have made her stay on at college, she is doing art and design. She is a very bright young girl, stubborn, pig headed, rebellious - she is great. I think, if she gets to be a tatooist, fantastic, brilliant, but its qutie hard, no fecking hard, to get into. She knows a few tattooists and has had one herself so is really quite keen. The problem being that there is no structured way into it. Which is why i sent her down the art route. Maybe that would be of interest to you, and surely something you could do on a part time basis to fit in around your family. Which of course must come first, and they so clearly do with you. I think when you are a full time mummy, it is so easy to lose sight of yourself, bogged down in a cycle of nappies and peter fecking rabbit. Hold on to that dream though, its not impossible.

Oh and FWIW - you tidy up more than i do!!!

kitsandbits · 23/09/2007 16:03

thanks you made me feel well better,

my DP works full time

I had an offer to be a tatooist but even then i had no confidence so turned it down, i did saturdays in a tat shop,
im still friwendly with the owner but couldnt work there,
the people are too cool (i know thats laughable for me to say at 22 - but they all know what they want - are confident and happy in themselves)

I feel alot better now

and if noone turns up to the wedding, who cares as long as my DP& the kids are there, eh?

OP posts:
lucyellensmum · 23/09/2007 16:25

Kits, that is the attitude to take. The ONLY people who really matter at your wedding are you and your partner and children. One of the reasons i am not married is because we resent the whole thing of having to put ona show etc for people who couldn't really give a shit about us. My BIL just spent a fortune on a wedding and had long lost cousins there etc, what were they there for? A free fecking day out, thats what.

When is your wedding? I hope you have a lovely day, remember, it is a celebration of your own little family unit.

I bet the people at the tatooists think you are pretty cool, i bet they would fall over backwards if they realised how unconfident you say you are. Go back, see if they can offer you some more work, what about designing the flashes etc (is that the right word?) My DD would be

lucyellensmum · 23/09/2007 16:28

the more i think about this, the more i think you should go for it. Considering how few opportunities there are in this field. They must have had confidence in you to make the offer. Everyone lacks confidence begining a new career, just some people are better at covering it up than others. Don't close that door. See what they say.

lulumama · 23/09/2007 16:34

glad you are feeling a bit better x

allgonebellyup · 23/09/2007 17:54

Kits, i know its no consolation to you but it would be even worse if you were on your own (like me).
you have a lovely partner who loves you . now imagine if you had to live without him, does it make you feel lucky that he is there?

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