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Is this childhood trauma caused by my stepdad?

3 replies

mum20200 · 09/06/2020 16:48

Ever since I was a kid I've had this complex/fear of being yelled at or being told off. I was always a good kid because the thought of having someone raise their voice or get mad at me would really scare me. This has carried on through my teenage years (never smoked, drank, went out or copied anything anyone else was doing due to fear) and now still present as a 31 year old. I have a panic attack and cry if someone raises their voice to me/near me or if I'm being somehow told off, whether it be at work or my husband not liking something I do, even my husband getting frustrated at something that has nothing to do with me.

I'm wondering if it stems from my stepdads angry outbursts as a child. One time in particular I remember, I was about 6 and it was hot so didn't want to walk to school, I kicked up a bit of a fuss so he got mad and threw my baby siblings pram across the garden in a rage. I think I ended up running to a family members house. There were other incidents where he would rage and shout like this, over small things too like putting dishes in the kitchen or not putting things away. Could this be the cause of my fear? It still effects me.

OP posts:
user1972548274 · 09/06/2020 16:52

Yes, that sounds entirely plausible.

The fear and sense of threat a small child would have felt in the situation you describe could have been extreme. And if you never knew when it might happen it would have left you feeling very unsafe; safety is one of the key foundations are parents should give us as children.

An adult might look at a scenario like you describe and think you were never in significant danger of physical harm, but a small child's experience is often that their life is in danger. It can have lasting consequences like you describe.

I'm sorry you've struggled for so long. Starting to learn about trauma and process it can be the first step towards things improving.

user1972548274 · 09/06/2020 16:53

*our parents

mum20200 · 09/06/2020 22:23

Thank you for the input, it's appreciated.

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