Concerned about friends children

[21outnumbered]

Hi, I'm really unsure what to do and was wondering if anyone can offer advice on munchausen syndrome by proxy as I am very concerned about a friends children.

Basically when the children's parents were together, their mother was frequently rushed to hospital with various symptoms, including saying she felt ill when away on holiday with a friend and her partner was on a separate holiday and she requested they both go home so he could take her to hospital. Since she has split with the father 2 years ago she has never had to be rushed to hospital once. Not long after the split she was sent for tests as she said her heart was racing and soon after because her face was numb and she went through a number of tests for both of these. She asked her ex if he would go to hospital with her and he did the first time, but refused the second. Since then she has been fine but the children have started being taken to hospital for various issues that only occur when with her, they seem to be fit and healthy when with their father or other friends and family other than the usual coughs and colds. These symptoms being reported are all things that only she is picking up on such as skin turning blue, sickness, unable to move legs that have resulted in hospital stays, sometimes painful tests, and absolutely nothing has been found to be wrong with the children.

I'm not sure what to do, I don't believe she would harm her kids but I am concerned that there is a child protection issue here. The change in her having to be rushed to hospital happened after the split with any hospital visits scheduled, and when her ex refused to accompany her the switch to the children having various symptoms seems strange to me. She has expressed concerns previously about being reported to social services for not looking after the children properly and being worried her neighbours are phoning them.

Any advice or experience here would be appreciated. Should I speak to her, her ex partner, or speak to social services. I care very much about the children and cannot turn a blind eye to something that seems to me quite obvious and damaging not to mention the painful tests they have been through, but I equally don't want to make allegations if I'm reading into something that isn't actually there.

Munchhausen by proxy would mean she was actually hurting the children to cause these symptoms. Is that what you suspect? Or do you think she has a form of health anxiety around them or is deliberately over-reacting to minor symptoms? If you suspect she is actually hurting them, you need to report this to social services.

It can also be an exaggeration of symptoms to gain attention or concern which is what I suspect. No one else has ever been present when she has witnessed any of the symptoms she has said they have. My concern is that she is exaggerating things to bring about being taken into hospital for tests. One of the children was admitted after she said they couldn't move their limbs and their face had gone droopy on one side, and on another instance one of the children turning blue and being unable to breathe on a regular basis yet even when staying with the father or grandparents for extended time they have never witnessed this. This one is more concerning as she said when the ambulance arrived the child's oxygen was at a dangerous level and suggests to me that if she is exaggerating symptoms, she has either lied about the oxygen being so low or she has caused some harm to allow the oxygen to drop which I've read is common in munchausen by proxy. What is also common is a parent suffering from munchausen and then developing by proxy which seems consistent with her frequent hospital visits stopping in line with the children's visits starting.

I would contact your local social services and they can investigate this and possibly look into the history of this. You don't know if there has been harm or if there will be in future and if that is concerning to you I would contact SS.

This is now called Fabricated or Induced Illness (FII) and is notoriously difficult to prove, particularly when it is fabricated. You can inform children's social care about your concerns and should because FII is emotional abuse

Phone the nspcc. You can phone anonymously. They will listen and give you advice. And they will make a professional judgement if SS need to be involved. In which case they will ask for some of the families details, but they won't insist that you give your details. I've done this myself before.

Thank you, I will give them a call and see what they say. Hoping this is just me reading too much into it.