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Guilt

2 replies

Theodoreb · 04/06/2020 22:05

I have struggled with how to cope with guilt. I had a termination when I was 15 my boyfriend was abusive and had started using drugs and ended up in psychiatric hospital and never really managed to get over the guilt. I was addicted to drugs and never managed to get over the guilt of the bad things I did and the unintentional pain I caused. With my bipolar I when I was untreated cheated on my abusive husband and I still can't get over the guilt I feel so much guilt I have remained single ever since despite four years stability. I feel guilt over all the pain I have ever caused and most of the time it was unintentional I just didn't realize.

I just wish I knew how to let things go and not feel guilt so heavily I just wish I could accept what I don't make amends (which I try to do anyway) but then (the part I struggle with) move past it instead of staying stuck in the mistakes I have made. I fear I will go to hell and I don't mind going to hell but I just wish I could live happily right now instead of torturing myself over every single mistake I have ever made.

OP posts:
Cookieedough · 07/06/2020 00:41

Hey there 

I know it's something that's easier said than done but please don't beat yourself up.

You said you had a termination at 15 & your boyfriend was abusive, don't feel guilty for making the decision that was best for you at that time. That doesn't make you a bad person at all. It's a choice so many women (more than a lot of people think) have had to make, for some it's an easy decision and not thought about again (which is fine as they know what is best for their life) but for others it can be something that stays for a long time, but it doesn't mean you should beat yourself up about it as you didn't do anything wrong.
you can't change what happened and sometimes your mind will over run and dwell on things you really don't want it to but please remind yourself that you are a strong person, things don't always happen the way we want them to but that doesn't make us anything other than human. Don't blame yourself you was a teen and you deserved better than the situation you was in.

I noticed you said that you was addicted to drugs so it's an addiction you have overcome? That's something to be proud of and a reminder of your strength!

I think when there are mental health issues involved such as depression, bipolar or anxiety it's such an easy trap to fall into of reflecting on our guilt, things we wish were different & punishing ourself for these things, because that's what the depression/anxiety wants us to feel but it doesn't mean that it's right and we should feel like that. Might be worth speaking to your GP to see if they can advise anything for you to help you feeling like this?

I think that with everything going on right now with the virus & lockdown (if you're in Uk) that being home or having so much time on our hands our minds go on overdrive, especially as we can't really visit anyone properly, or have visitors in the house or go out for leisurely activities and it's really awful but please don't feel alone 

It's not easy to just say to yourself "stop dwelling on the past and move forward!" Our minds don't work like that (would be lovely if they did lol). This is something that takes time with a lot of self encouragement & support.
Keep on focusing on the good things going, your good qualities & things that make you happy no matter how big or small. You can't change things in your past but you can make a better future for yourself - please don't continue to punish yourself as we are all only human & things do not always go down the routes we want them too x

Sorry this is a bit of a lengthy reply. I really hope you're feeling better x

Theodoreb · 08/06/2020 06:29

Thank you very much for taking time to respond to me. I was supposed to do more therapy about sexual abuse but I walked out, I just couldn't do it, I didn't want to drag it all up, I did however go to my domestic violence therapy and that helped me quite a bit, my psychiatrist is always happy for me to have a therapy course if I think it will help so I can certainly ask.

Being bipolar it feels like one part of me has no conscience or remorse, acts without thought, then the other half of me feels remorse way to strongly and suffers for all the things done while manic. Seems almost cruel to give a person this illness's with the two opposing extreme.

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