I can't do this.

[namechangedforthis123456]

Is anyone around that will listen to me for a moment? I don't think I can carry on. I don't know where to start. Depression got much worse when lockdown started. At the same time something developed with someone I work with. It turned into a casual "fling" but I developed feelings. Turns out he is a nasty piece of work and after an encounter with him last week (not full sex but close) he turned on me and sent me horrible messages, calling me all sorts of names.

I did something very stupid and confronted him after work (I was off that day) and demanded he tell me why he was treating me so horribly, especially after what happened. He had blocked me on every platform and has subsequently unblocked me.. but is unresponsive when I try to talk.

I'm sorry i probably sound very immature. I'm not, I'm mid 30's and should know better.

I'm probably waffling but I don't want to be at work anymore. I don't want to be alive anymore. I can't do this .. I want to run away from him but I can't. I've tried to be strong but I can't. I've booked Friday off and I'm thinking about suicide. I've researched methods but I don't have time to carry out the one I planned properly.

Sorry this sounds stupid. I'm not enjoying my job (there isn't much work for us to do during the virus) and there isn't anything for me to look forward to. All my hobbies are gone for an indefinite period

I want to stay alive but it makes no sense to.

Are you on any treatment for your depression? I have bipolar disorder and since lockdown started my mood deteriorated a fair bit. I have had some medication increased and although I wouldn't say I am absolutely fine now, it has made things more bearable.

You can keep away from that man. Its' hard, but really, it gets easier with time and you will be so glad you did.

Your hobbies will come back. Lockdown is easing. Life will get back to normal.

You can build up a life again. I've done it in terrible circumstances. It's been hard work, and ongoing work. The depression makes you feel you can't, but you can.

Could you phone the Samaritans? You call 116 123 from any phone.

Talk to someone. You can get through this.

It sounds like you need some support in real life. Your GP or the Samaritans would be a good place to start.

You met a horrible person. That an be very draining.

You say that without provocation he sent you a bunch of vile messages - report him to hr. It's bullying. In the work place or not, they should want to protect you from that.

I take a small dose of sertraline but I don't think it's working. I tried to increase it but I couldn't cope with the side effects.

Why are you letting this guy have such a huge effect over you, that your now contemplating killing yourself.

You go to work, head held high, and act like he doesn't even exist, id point blank ignore him.

There are lots of different anti-depressant drugs. If that doesn't suit you, you can try another.

When you say all your hobbies are gone for an indefinite period. What hobbies are these?

What an awful man and believe me, I use the term loosely. Dont you go letting one disgraceful specimen ruin your life. The lockdown is temporary. I fully believe that this time next year life will be normal again. Think about it. The government won't keep paying out for furlough. When have we ever known them to spent money they don't have to? Life will be normal again.

Work can change. You don't like it, you can find something better. Keep job hopping until you find something you enjoy. It doesn't have to be the best paid in the world as long as you are happy.

Everyone makes mistakes. If you ask everyone on this thread, I bet we can all give you an example of a relationship where we look back and wonder what we were thinking. There are better times ahead for you, I know it.

Bloody hell bunny, what an inappropriate thing to write to a suicidal poster.

Just trying to inject a bit of levity.

Not the time or place.

Always the time and place. If you can raise a wee smile even in darkest times it can make you realise that things arent as bleak as they seem.

You’ve told someone who has said they don’t want to be alive any more that of course they have time to go and kill them selves if they really want to and have mentioned a method of doing it.

You are really out of order making light of the op’s feelings here.

It obviously was not meant like that, dont take it out of context.

Though to be fair it was perhaps a little dark. I appologise.

Sorry, I didn't mean that I don't have time. I just meant the method I had in mind takes days of prior food withdrawal and taking of different drugs (I am sorry if that sounds offensive and is breaking any rules) and I want to go now rather than wait. Sorry it sounds awful. I needed somewhere to vent. I feel a bit trapped at the moment.

Can't have a hug - my dad won't let me visit as he is still very worried about possible virus transmission

No one else to give me a hug - I just keep thinking about the dickhead and how I want a hug from him

I feel like I'm too 'ugly' for a relationship (his words) I believed him when he said it. What kind of person says that??

Well virtual hugs from us op!

You arent ugly! Dont be daft! Infact far from it. Know how i know that? Because horrible people like him (who you can tell are horrible because they call other people things like 'ugly') are attracted to bright shiny nice people. They want to stamp out their light. Because they are jealous and spiteful and empty.

Block him on everything.
He is just a playground bully.