After effects of DV have left me feeling suicidal.

[WhoHeyWhatNow]

Is there anyone there? Does anyone care?

I care. Can you tell us more?

There's lots of us here WhoHey, you're not on your own

I care

I'm here and care too!

Thank you. I'm just feeling very overwhelmed at present, by this quarantine, being lone parent, ex not interested in the DC, being isolated in the community in many ways because I'm a bit of outsider. Feeling unlovable for many reasons right now. I've worked so hard on myself, I'm happy that I've come this far, though am still lacking a life partner with whom I seek intimacy. It really hurts.

Thank you everyone. That means a lot.

I didn't deserve the abuse. I'm so angry with myself that I felt too vulnerable to leave.

So firstly, well done escaping your situation.

Happiness on your own and security is what you need to aim for before thinking about partners.

Have you got friends or family IRL? Parenting is definitely difficult on it's own so how can you boost your support network and include yourself in the community?

Could you possibly relocate after lockdown if you're genuinely unhappy where you are?

Place your anger where it belongs also, your abuser. You're right you didnt deserve it but you eventually saw that you could go it alone. You should be so proud of yourself.

Happiness on your own and security is what you need to aim for before thinking about partners.

I have this, but was starved of intimacy for years, so am feeling unhappy solely about this really.

Yes - am angry at ex. Should not have stayed with him for as long as I did.

At what point do I give up on intimacy? 5 years, 10 years down the line?

I've done a lot of work on myself. This quarantine has put a damper on some of those efforts, admittedly.

Feeling so overwhelmed right now. Sorry to sound so sorry for myself, I know I'm not the only one feeling dejected about life...

Go for it and get it all off your chest!!!

How have you gone about meeting people before? Online or in pubs/clubs?

Withholding intimacy and physical affection is bloody cruel! I'm sorry you were made to feel so lonely.

Have you tried online dating in the meantime to get some company? Even just for some flirting?

Thanks @ohnoherewego62

Yes, I feel I've put myself out there quite a bit. Have tried OLD, met another through guy through a friend. Have hobbies, goals, a job, a nice enough (rented) house.

I'm also attractive for my age - that might sound shallow to some, but I went through a long long time being and looking like a downtrodden wife, so I've also worked on how I present myself.

Towards the end of it I didn't really want intimacy because of the EA. It didn't make me want to be close to him. I just want cuddles and kisses, sex, someone to tell me they love me and do sweet things like talking during the night and making me a cup of coffee in the morning sometimes. Cheering me on in achieving my goals. I am more than capable of being that partner to someone too. I'm a loving and caring person.

Doesn't sound shallow at all. Better to have confidence than not!

That totally makes sense. I reckon because of what you've been through, you'll be more wary and trying to watch out for these red flags too.

How many children have you got?

2 DC. Feel rather isolated and alone right now tbh, despite having the DC with me.

What about any adult family? Parents or siblings?

I think you need to work on your own feelings of self worth. You seem obsessed with finding someone else and I suspect you feel they will make your world 'right'.

Until you are happy being your own person you risk walking blindfold into another disappointing relationship, and having poor boundaries as to what is acceptable