Dissociating during therapy

[seaandsand1]

Hi,

I’ve been going to therapy for about 5 months now for PTSD. I’m finding it difficult to not dissociate whilst talking about the difficult stuff.

I’m bern diagnosed with a dissociative disorder and I have a better understanding of what’s happening. I can feel myself start to go, with a strange feeling in my head - but I can’t seem to stop it and then I’m fully gone.

My question is, how have you moved through this? I feel like we spend so much of the session bringing me back, it’s frustrating and it feels like progress is going to be so slow. Is it just a process, or can I help myself somehow?

Therapist here- part of the process-sounds like you’re doing amazingly. Be open with your therapist about what’s happening. Dissociating is your brain protecting you so over time and with trust and support it should lessen it it’s not a bad thing. Grounding and mindfulness are helpful.

I've dissociated a lot throughout my life and just I'm starting to get a handle on it. For me, the key is really noticing when I'm doing it. Like a habit, this gets easier and easier and you can tell pretty quickly.

I have a specific visualisation and song that I sing in my head that make me feel safe almost instantly - again formed by habit - could you try something similar?

I've used it in all sorts of stressful situations, as well as when I realise I've zoned out, it's so helpful.

@whatwouldnigellado

My therapist sees it coming before I do sometimes. I’m only just starting to pick up on the signs and how it feels in my body. I hadn’t realised that what I was doing was ‘dissociating’ it’s a new term for me. She has said it is part of the process, but although I fully trust her, it’s good to have others confirm this. I just don’t like feeling like I’m stopping my own progress.

We are building up my grounding techniques. It’s just hard at points to access them, if I’m fully gone.

@LightenUpSummer

I am noticing more signs more quickly, which does help stop it in its tracks!

I will definitely try those ideas. Thanks.

I didn't find talking therapy helpful personally.

It's ok to think this maybe not for me

Just a thought

Good luck x

Hi,

I’ve been in therapy 3.5 years and I still spend a lot of time dissociated. I’m learning the triggers (of which there seem to be many!) and what helps, but it’s can be very tricky to catch it before I’ve gone too far away. I too had no idea that dissociation was a thing until it came up in therapy. It is incredibly frustrating, it so often feels like
I waste so many sessions being completely silent and not there but I guess it really is just part of the process and that process takes as long as it takes. For me, as I’ve built safety and trust in my relationship with my therapist it has lessened but it is still hard. Sounds like you’re doing really well

@glitteringfishy

Thank you for your reply. It is a comfort to know that you have stayed in therapy for 3.5 years so far. I waved between wondering if it is worth it, to wondering if I will ever be able to give it up! As it feels like such a support system.

Do you find you therapist gets frustrated you can’t stop yourself? Mine doesn’t at all - but I’ve only been going 5 months, and worry she will get frustrated soon!

Random thought OP - as I'm also looking for ways to come back from dissociation - how about a trick like, say, squeezing your thumb and taking deep breaths, to come back to your body?

For me, it's like I drift away from my body, so coming back into it is the key. Then if you return and find waves of emotion, while you're with her, it's perfectly acceptable - in fact ideal - to express them.

My understanding of dissociation is that it's an automatic technique to avoid those strong emotions.

I was in therapy for several years and like you didnt realise that I was disassociating...been doing it all my life and Im 50. I go all spacey and can't focus, and either go silent or ramble about nothing. Over time with my therapist it really eased off...she would prompt me it was happening and eventually with that prompt I could bring myself back. It took a good couple of years. A good therapist will stick with you through it. And we're all different so hopefully it wont be so long for you.

@seaandsand1 no, she never ever gets frustrated. I’ve asked her lots of times because I used to expect this too. Yes, I experience a lot of ambivalence with therapy too. I never expected to be in it for so long but I’ve accepted I need it for as long as I need it. I find Carolyn Spring’s podcasts on trauma recovery really reassuring, reminds me it is possible to get better through therapy. Maybe worth a listen.

@LightenUpSummer

I will give that a go. I normally end up feeling like crying when I come back from it. My therapist said it shows the emotion is coming back, as you said the dissociation is stopping that. I’m going to try taking something that smells strong. I feel like my head goes all funny and I go out of myself.

@HelpImFat

I struggle to speak too when it is happening. I almost feel like I don’t want to be brought back - and I kind of fight it. Our brains are amazing things.
I’m glad to hear that things got better in time, I have a lot of faith it will for me too.

@glitteringfishy

I ask for a lot of reassurance. It’s good to hear I’m not alone. I guess in their job they see so much. My therapist signposted me to her website - I haven’t heard her podcasts though. I will def look into that. Thank you.

The youtube channel "Crappy Childhood Fairy" talks about this. She ended up just being retraumatised by going over the old memories in therapy, and describes being almost unable to function for days after each session.

She's quite negative about talk therapy, but I'm not - as long as it's focused on processing emotions, called emotional literacy, rather than just re-living the events. Which never helped me personally, though I kept on trying. What actually helped was learning about CPTSD and the fact that my dissociation was a freeze response caused by emotional flashbacks (sorry if a bit jargony). Then learning to recognise them for what they were, together with techniques to feel safe.