Struggling with ongoing ptsd

[wenhen11]

This is my first time making a post here so I'm a little nervous. I am dealing with ptsd the last few years and have been going to therapy with limited success. My ptsd has mainly been caused so almost all of my romantic relationships have been abusive (one of my ex's threatened to kill me at one point). I feel i am beyond a point of being able to trust and am terrified of pretty much everyone.

I have 1 or 2 friends but to be honest they are not a support and just want to talk about their own problems, but don't want to help in return which i have come to accept.

I'm in my late 30's and see no hope for my life and my future. I think about suicide almost all the time and think i would be no loss. I see everyone around me living and i just feel as if I'm existing.and trying to make it through each day.

I am also harassed all the time and told i "need" to have another relationship or i will end up old and alone which feeds into all of this negativity aswell

Thanks for reading

Hi,

I have just been diagnosed with PTSD. I’ve been struggling for about a year.

I also feel suicidal at times, but I think it is important to remember that everyone’s life isn’t as perfect as it looks. Most people would look at me and think I am a really positive person and I’m living life to the full. But they don’t see when I’ve been triggered or it is the middle of the night. No one does.

You absolutely would be a lose. Please don’t think that. Maybe you could start a new hobby to make some new connections. The people are here are an amazing support too.

I can totally relate to feeling like you just trying to make it through each day, but right now that is a success in itself. Things can and will get better.

Could you maybe try a different therapist. I would be lost without mine, but it took a couple of wrong fits to find the right one!

@seaandsand1 thanks for your kind words. I'm sorry that you also have ptsd. You are so right that not everyone's life is as it seems on social media. Like you, people look at me and think I'm happy and outgoing. I think i will definitely try to change therapist when lockdown lifts. I'm really glad that you found a good therapist

@wenhen11

It has absolutely made all the difference. I’m not “better” yet (whatever that will look like!), but when I have difficult times I know my session is coming. I’m struggling at the minute due to recently having the diagnosis, so I’m having two sessions a week for now.

I was recommended the book “The body keeps the score”, and it’s really good. It is making me realise how little control I have over certain things. That’s not to say there aren’t tips and strategies to help over time, but it’s so much to do with your brain reacting to the trauma- not you choosing to. I often think if I was stronger I would be able to “get over it” more quickly - but it’s just not that easy or quick. It is also giving me hope that there are strategies that will make it easier over time.

It’s so difficult that you have had difficult relationships, but try to remember that there are genuine people out there that do care about you.

@seaandsand1 thank you for your kind words. I totally understand the struggle after getting a diagnosis. I had been seeing a therapist weekly but it's over the phone since lockdown in March.

I think what helps me sometimes is trying to take one day at a time because it's so easy for the mind to go into overdrive. I feel the same way about 'getting over' things but i know that dealing with trauma is always complex and every small step is hopefully a step in the right direction.

I have PTSD too. It is hard, you need to heal. Stick at your therapy, I'm 3 months into mine and I am definitely not 'cured' and I still have very dark days but the tools they give you work, you just have to do them. Give it time. If you are feeling suicidal please call your therapist or speak to a professional. Dont even think about anything other than yourself and getting yourself feeling better. Try exercise or meditation, persevere. It's hard I know first hand how consuming and overpower is but even small steps can make a difference.