Bipolar support

[TheletterZ]

Hi, I’ve posted on the child board but thought here might be better. My 15 year old daughter is being investigated for bipolar, currently very rapid cycling.

She is depressed sometimes with suicidal ideation with occasional hypomanic moments. We are struggling getting the medication right, she is on melatonin to help her sleep, respiridone as a mood stabiliser. We have tried citralopram but greatly increased suicidal thoughts and intrusive voices as well as super high couple of days (which was weird to happen at the same time!).

We then tried amitriptyline, which really helped sleep but also led to suicidal thoughts (though not as bad this time). That was stopped and she is now on lamotrigine (but we have to increase the dose really slowly so will take a while to see if this helps).

I just wondered if anyone had any experience of having bipolar or caring for someone who has.

I’m really struggling at the moment, I feel we are going in circles with no end in sight. I have lost my amazing, wonderful daughter and don’t know if I will get her back.

Hi I have bipolar I had my first admission to psychiatric hospital at age 15 but was wrongly diagnosed with ptsd.

I was later diagnosed at age 22. I have taken risperidone this is a great tablet causes weight gain sadly but most anti psychotics do. The reason anti depressants are not helping is because they often make bipolar worse. I am currently on lamotrogene I take 150mg a day it does make me be sick every morning it is brilliant at treating depressive episodes of bipolar not so good with manias but the risperidone should do that.

I know this will seem hard but try to understand it's very hard to find the right treatment for bipolar as it doesn't involve just lifting someone's mood or lowering it but instead holding it directly in the middle which is harder it takes 2 years on average but be patient I promise you your daughter is still there and will forever be grateful and feel loved by your patience and care.

The feeling up and down together is a mixed episode I think your describing personally I hate these most of all.

My biggest advice with your daughter is remembering this illness is extremely hard to live with so pick your battles wisely if it's not going to hurt her to do/or not do something don't force it.
For example if she doesn't want to bath everyday don't force it until it really needed and if when manic she becomes obsessed with something weird mine was writing game walkthroughs for example again if it's not going to hurt her let her. She will be much more likely to listen in her extreme mood disturbances if she doesn't feel you are constantly telling her what to do and it will also mean she will learn to trust your judgement and will feel comfortable being around you in her various mood states.

Lastly do not ever lie to her no matter how ugly the truth is for someone who suffers psychosis and paranoia it really is a lifeline having someone you can trust 100% when psychosis means you cannot trust your own mind.

HTH happy to answer any questions or hand hold or whatever.

Thank you, that is really reassuring to hear.

Funny you say about the writing that is one of her traits as well, before we even suspected anything about 18 months ago, she wrote an 80,000 word novel in just under a month bu getting up early and doing a couple of hours writing. On top of her normal school day. Then we had to stop her revising for her mocks, as she was trying to do 10 hour days. So looking back there have been hypomania times before.

It is hard to stay patient and calm, and exhausting - though I appreciate it is even more exhausting and hard for her! It all came to a head so suddenly, in January everything was fine, life was going really well and then crash, depression seeming out of nowhere. I had to take a leave of absence from work to look after her.

Then lockdown, which is a mixed blessing, no pressure on returning to school / exams but it would be really great to do normal things, go food shopping etc...

She has cut herself off from all her friends, I would love her to get get back in touch (they are really nice girls and know the score so wouldn’t be annoyed with the break or bombard her) but so far she is not keen.

@TheletterZ when I was 15 I cut contact with all my friends until I was better in my own way I didn't want to be seen like that, and lacked motivation to want to see them it will come, give it time.

I have a son with mental health issues he is 14 I personally am using lockdown to give him my full attention so he can try to sort things out by the time he's better honestly I would say the lockdown is probably a blessing as it's given her time to get back on her feet, where I dropped out of school at age 15.

I was always a little hyper (I am more up than down) so all through puberty would only ever sleep for 3hrs however it was good for our relationship that my mum understood that I just wasn't tired. I would go out til 10 study till 1, then watch tv from 1 - 3 then go asleep and was up at 6 to bath for school.

My ex husband used to try and force me to do things constantly or not do things I ended up getting to the point when I couldn't stand him being near me when I was not well and I would run away for months but my mum who tried hard not to force me was able to be close to me even when unwell but also stop me doing anything extreme as I would actually listen to her unlike my husband who I point blank refused to listen to as I thought he was trying to control me and force me to be normal this meant when I wasn't normal I didn't want to be anywhere near him.

Plus believe it or not when manic it is absolute torture to be forced to do nothing and lie in bed your brain is so active and personally lying in bed with nothing to do would make me more psychotic as my brain wasn't being used it seemed to be over active still and created things, but even if it doesn't being forced to try to sleep when manic is not nice.

Thank you again. If you could give some advice to 15 year old you - what would it be?

I would say that when the medication is sorted, she will be able to have her life back, though it might not feel like it now. If you are in a position to do it, can you suggest, and maybe go with DD? on a walk? Somewhere pretty is good for the soul. I always find the presence of trees very soothing, if that doesn't sound a bit 'woo'.

Not woo at all, we go for daily dog walks to the nearby woods for just that reason. Though I am sending my son out today as he hasn’t left his room apart from for food.

If I were to give advice to 15yo me it would be "you are going to beat this and get through the other side be patient and when you do you'll love the person and things bipolar have taught you so much that even if a complete cure was offered you wouldn't take it"

I showed my daughter your comment and she said it makes her feel more hopeful.

Today seems a good day and her dad has some time off work so they are going to do something together this afternoon. She is very attached to me at the moment, so apart from sleeping is with me all the time. Having some time this afternoon will be really good.

Don't forget too look after yourself as well even if it's just a half hour bath anything. I can relate as my son has anxiety and adhd and he is 14 and never leaves my side if I leave him with his nan (dad can't be bothered) and I go out he has to text me all night to stay calm he won't sleep until I'm home. So make sure you take care of yourself as well it's important as otherwise you won't be able to be there for her.

I'm so glad my comment made her feel more positive she will get there it just takes time which can seem so daunting and impossible when every day is a nightmare, and you get tired when you wake up to struggle with the same things you went to sleep with.

I started having symptoms around 14 and wasn't diagnosed until I was 25 although I did have some treatment in the mean time.

I wish I could go back and tell 14 year old me that your not flawed or wrong. There's something thats not quite right but everyone has something that's not quite right. I remember being so frustrated and confused because I never had an answer for "why are you depressed?" until I watched the secret life of the manic depressive (pre diagnosis) and found that for some people the answer is "because I am".
Finding the right medication is key, I didn't find stability until we completely ruled out antidepressants as an option. They make my moods so much worse. I have been on quetiapine for 8 years and I have had only 1 mild episode in the last 3 years. With mood monitoring I learnt my natural rhythm - I fall into quite a classical presentation in that I'm prone to high moods in spring and summer and low moods from August into autumn /winter.
It is a continuous learning curve, staying well doesn't mean that I'm symptom free it means I have the skills and resources to manage those symptoms without them escalating into episodes.
When I need I use a mood monitoring website called mood scope where you answer how much you feel various feelings and it gives you a score. I find it is useful for identifying what is driving my mood e.g. Anxiety or irritability. It gives you a bit of a pep talk but is only geared up for low mood. So I can get a score that indicates hypomania but it tells me I'm in a great mood. I have learnt that for me a score above X% means I'm going high and need to adjust.
I find it can be helpful to do a debrief after an episode about what has worked and what didn't. It's tempting to try and move on and not talk about it when it's over but I think it is useful.

It has been a good week, a lot more stable and she is less clingy to me. She has gone off with her dad to the tip, she knows she will be just sat in the car but is happy to do that.

Now it has settled down a little I feel absolutely knackered! I am also on edge wondering where the next curve ball will come from and also knowing that I probably won’t see it coming so not much point worrying about it!

Thank you everyone for your support, it makes a big difference.