Struggling after a mental health diagnosis

[seaandsand1]

I’ve read lots of posts on here, but never posted myself.

I’ve very recently been diagnosed with PTSD and a dissociative disorder, alongside insecure attachment. I can’t say I didn’t kind of expect this, as I have been having therapy whilst waiting for my psychiatry appointments.

However, it has totally knocked me back. I was doing well whilst in lockdown, mostly due to less pressure from work and more time to process things that happened a long time ago. I’m so worried that things may go back to how they were a few months ago, which after coming so far is scary.

My questions are, how did you feel after diagnosis - even if you have a totally different diagnosis? How did you handle it? Did it make a positive impact at all? Did you tell anyone and if so did it help?

@Lucifer666

I’m so sorry to hear you are struggling. It’s much easier to give the “advice”, than cope with the symptoms.

I also find distraction key, but as you say, it doesn’t always work. The thing I’ve found, is you need to practise all your techniques when you are feeling ok. Things like breathing, positive self talk and mindfulness etc. I find this hard, as in my better moments I just want to get on with life! But I’m finding it helps in the difficult times when I’ve practised.

I have no advice on nightmares, as I don’t seem to manage them well. The busier I am in the day, the worse they are. I don’t know if I’m right, but I feel like it’s my brain saying I haven’t given the whole thing enough thought that day, so it’s going to catch up at night! I have to say, I calm a lot quicker from them now and can get back to sleep relatively quickly.

The memories part is 100% how I feel. I could have literally written it myself. My trauma happened about ten years ago and I’ve managed, for lots of reasons I think, to keep going with life. I think from what my psychiatrist and therapist say, it’s mainly down to my dissociation. They have explained that the body is amazingly clever and does what it needs to protect you at the time. Forgetting the details being one of them. With dissociation apparently your brain makes it seem as though it isn’t you, to help take you out of the situation. That probably not explained very well, sorry. I’m more distracted, which is what I put my memory difficulty down too. But I also think when we are trying to process such difficult things, it’s probably not surprising we forget details of meetings, to do lists etc. I just write way more lists and notes - including in appointments.

With me, some situations at work that reminded me of the event and a caring colleague opened the flood gates. Since then, more and more memories and details have returned. Through therapy I’m piecing it together (slowly) and that’s helping. It’s confusing, because at times I find myself wondering if I am making bits up - but by working through things slowly, it all pieces together as much as possible.

I believe that we can only push things back for a certain amount of time and it’s all got to come out at some point.

I personally haven’t found anger to be an issue. But I certainly get more frustrated and have trouble with my concentration, so I think strong emotions is perfectly normal. It’s positive to hear this is getting a bit better for you.

Sorry that’s so long - I got a bit carried away!

@seeandsand1 LOL don't apologise for the long post I regularly write essays myself!

I can totally relate to what you say. The trauma that triggered my PTSD happened just over a year ago. I don't want to say what it was because it's very outing and I wasn't the only one who was in the situation and I want to respect their privacy. The memory problem is really frustrating me but I suppose once I start therapy it will improve. It's reassuring to know I'm not alone in suffering this because as much as my family try they sometimes find it hard to relate to what I'm going through.

Read "The Body Keeps The Score", by Bessel van der Kolk. It talks about PTSD and CPTSD amongst other things, and is an extremely helpful book.

I was honestly stunned about how much it made me feel better about myself, as someone with CPTSD. He also talks about dissociation and many other mental illnesses.

@Whataloadofshite

I have just started this book, as it was recommended to me. I absolutely agree. It makes me feel like I’m not alone.

@Lucifer666

It is so good to talk to other people who are experiencing the same thing. However, I also find it difficult knowing so many people are struggling.

My family know nothing, as I am massively worried about their reaction. My friends are amazing, but I think there is something different talking to people who have actually had the similar experiences.

I would say, it takes time in therapy. I went in expecting it to be a far quicker process than it has been. I know things like CBT are meant to be quick and target based - but I really didn’t want something that was so structured. I know I would have got to the end of the set sessions and told them I was now great - just to please them!

@Lucifer666 it's really hard. When new memories come up thick and fast but not whole memories, bits of memories, almost like a shadow of a memory that's just out of reach. It's relentless and exhausting.

I found writing things down helped, writing what had come up, writing about the feelings it brought, I had a little notebook and pen and wherever I was I would just write and write and write and write until I started to feel abit better. The other thing I did was draw. I can't draw very well but even if it was a mess of black and red (darkness and anger) or of me and how I was feeling, I would draw and draw until I felt better (getting it out of you and onto the page).

In terms of anger I really recognise that. I really recommend the body keeps the score as it explains how and why it helps. It makes you realise your responses are normal in an abnormal situation and that you are not alone.

I really recommend music though, I have a playlist for if I need to feel safe; music that I notice I find calming. A heavy blanket also helps.
I also have a playlist for when I feel angry, it's a way of channelling it. Here if you look at my court playlist there are some songs that might help

warriorwoman.blog/self-care/

@Thecurtainsofdestiny I will check out that book, thank you

Sorry you're struggling since diagnosis, OP. I hope things look up soon for you. I'm thinking about whether to go down that path at the moment, and although I can see the benefits I'm similarly worried about how I'll react to an actual diagnosis. I'm going to have a look at those youtube videos on coping skills - thanks for posting.

@Boeufsurletoit

Thanks for your post. It is getting a little easier each day. Reading about how the brain works, to take blame off myself helps! I think in the long run I will be glad to have taken steps to get a diagnosis.

I find therapy is bringing a lot of stuff up, that I know will help eventually, but it is hard. Ive just had a difficult session where I have dissociated massively, so I’v taking myself off to calm down by a river! It’s the small things!